If you really want to be in a relationship but you just can’t seem to make it happen, I know you’re doubting yourself right now.
I bet you’re telling yourself things like;
‘I want a relationship but no one likes me’,
‘I have a lot to give but I’m never going to find someone’,
Well, I’m here to tell you that if you change how you’re thinking and identify the reasons why you’re single, you can and WILL find someone.
I know this for a fact.
Here are 9 reasons why you’re single and how to change your dating fortune!
9 Reasons Why You’re Single and (you Think) No One Likes You
1. You Have Low Self-Esteem
The first and most important reason you’re single might be because you have low self-esteem.
Ask yourself honestly, do you think you’re not good enough?
Do you question if you’re good-looking enough or smart enough to be in a relationship?
Well, without even meeting you I’m here to tell you that this couldn’t be further from the truth!
When you love and appreciate yourself, others will too.
It sounds cliche, but it’s 100% true, I’ve seen it more times than I can remember. Work on your self-esteem and good things will follow, I guarantee.
2. You’re Doubting Yourself
The second reason you might be single is that you’re constantly doubting yourself.
You think to yourself things like;
‘I’m not good enough for them‘, or
‘They won’t like me because I’m too this or too that’.
Stop it!
Doubting yourself only leads to more doubt and before you know it, you’re in a vicious cycle that’s hard to get out of.
Instead, try this;
Believe in yourself and your dating ability.
I know it sounds corny, but if you don’t believe in yourself, who will?
Related – How to forgive yourself if you’ve been toxic in the past.
3. You’re Looking in the Wrong Places
If you’re looking for love in all the wrong places, of course, you’re going to be single!
You’re not going to find a relationship at the bottom of a bottle of wine or in a one-night stand.
To increase your chances of finding someone special, try joining some dating sites or going out to more social events.
Put anything bad you’ve heard about dating apps or online dating to the back of your mind, it’s what you make of it.
But one thing I do know is that you have to immerse yourself in the dating scene if you want to find dates!
4. You’re Coming Across Too Intense
Another common reason people end up going through a long single stretch is due to coming across as too intense.
When you meet someone new, do you tend to talk about your ex, press them for when you will see them again, or talk about how much you want to get married and have kids?
If so, this is likely why people are running for the hills!
Try to take it down a notch on the intensity scale and give people a chance to get to know you better before making any grandiose declarations.
As hard as it is for someone who is naturally intense, or even anxious I might add, just don’t ask anything inappropriate – no matter how badly you want to know the answer!
5. You’ve Become Desperate and It’s Obvious
If you’ve been trying to get a date for a while, it’s normal that the anxiety and need for a date will build up.
What you don’t want is for this need to become desperation, and for that desperation to become obvious to everyone.
Because being desperate is not attractive to anyone.
When you’re out on dates, do you find yourself talking about how much you want to be in a relationship or how long it’s been since your last one?
It’s not a good look, and is more likely to make the other person run a mile than call you the next day.
6. You’re Being Unrealistic
We all want to meet our soul mate and have a fairytale ending.
But if this is translating into you having unrealistic goals before you even go on a date, you’re not going to get many dates.
Even if you do get a date, going in with high expectations and without giving the other person a fair chance will only end up in disappointment.
7. You’re Committing Dating Faux Pas
Dating is an art, a skill, there are do’s and don’ts, and to be honest, it takes practice to get good at it.
If you’re making any of the common dating faux pas, this could be why you’re still single.
These are things like;
- Talking about your ex on a date
- Having your phone out all the time and looking disinterested
- Being late or canceling last minute
- Being incredibly nervous
- Saying or doing something inappropriate
Avoiding these dating faux pas will not only increase your chances of getting a second date but also make you seem more confident and interesting.
Related – How to handle paying on a first date and how to describe yourself perfectly in three words!
8. You’re Overthinking Things
When it comes to dating, sometimes less is more.
If you’re overthinking things and overanalyzing every little detail, it’s going to make the process a lot harder than it needs to be.
Try to relax and go with the flow, see where things take you, and don’t overthink it.
I know it’s easier said than done, but try your best!
This is especially important on first dates; don’t try to plan out every little detail or get hung up on small things, it’s the broader picture that matters.
9. You’re Too Impatient and Haven’t Been Looking Long Enough
If you’re looking for a relationship but haven’t been having any luck, it could be that you’re being too impatient.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither are most relationships!
You need to give yourself time to find the right person.
And even when you do find them, it takes time to get to know them and figure out all those interesting little things about one another.
Patience is definitely a virtue when it comes to dating!
It’s Not That No One Likes You, It Really Isn’t
I just wanted to add a note that it’s not because no one likes you that you’re not in a relationship, it really isn’t.
Sure, some people land in relationships easier than others, that’s just how things are.
But anyone – and especially someone like you who is actively looking – can find their soulmate or have as many casual relationships as they wish.
It just takes time, practice, and patience, so please don’t give up or be hard on yourself!
Oh, and when you do go on a date, don’t forget to check in on your date and make sure they got home safe!
I hope this article helped shed some light on why you may not be in a relationship yet and gave you some things to work on.
And remember, it’s not that no one likes you, there is nothing ‘wrong’ with you.
You might need to work on a few things, but that’s all part of the game and part of you growing as a person – embrace it!
Image credits – Photo by Pim Chu on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.