When a guy acts interested then backs off it can be incredibly confusing and frustrating.
Whether you really want this guy or not, you have to get a grip of the situation so you know where you stand.
Here are 17 things you should do when a guy is acting interested in you then backing off and going cold:
17 Things to Do when A Guy Acts Interested Then Backs Off
1. Resist Chasing Them
When a guy starts to back off, resist the urge to chase them. This will only result in you looking desperate and needy.
If they wanted to be with you then they would be making more of an effort.
One of the main reasons guys back off is to make a girl chase them as it puts the control back into their hands – don’t play his game.
2. Don’t Take It Personally
When a guy backs off it’s not necessarily personal or anything to do with you, it’s more likely to be to do with him.
It could be that he’s going through something in his life or he might just not be ready for a relationship.
You should always take some time to figure out what the real reason is before jumping to any conclusions.
3. Ask Yourself; How Upset Are You, Really?
When a guy backs off it can be easy to get wrapped up in the situation and become more upset than you need to be.
Easier said than done, I know!
First, take a step back and ask yourself how much this is really upsetting you on a scale of one to ten.
If it’s a five or below then it’s probably not worth getting too worked up over. Take some deep breaths, reset, refocus, and get on with our life while this guy figures his stuff out!
4. Figure Out Why Him Backing off Upsets You
Before you can move on from this situation you need to understand why it upset you so much in the first place.
Are you really that into him?
Do you have feelings for him?
Or, is it just the fact that he backed off that is hurting your ego?
If you’re not that into him when you think about it, then his backing off shouldn’t bother you too much as there wasn’t that much there to begin with.
However, if you were really starting to like him then it’s normal to feel a bit hurt and confused when he backs off.
5. Don’t Dwell on What Might Be
When a guy backs off, it can be tempting to start wondering what might have been.
Don’t dwell on these thoughts as they’ll only make you feel worse.
Instead, focus on the present and what is in front of you.
The future is always uncertain so there’s no point worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet!
6. Ask Him ‘What’s up’ Just Once
If you want to know why he’s backing off then ask him once and see what he says.
Don’t be too pushy or demanding as this will only make him back off even more.
However, a simple question like “Hey, is everything okay? You’ve been acting a bit distant lately” should suffice.
See how he responds and take it from there.
If he’s not forthcoming with information then don’t push it, just let him be and move on.
7. Don’t Make Excuses for Him
When a guy backs off, it can be tempting to make excuses for him and try to rationalize his behavior.
However, you shouldn’t do this as it devalues what you had to offer and how he’s treated you.
If he’s backing off then there’s probably a reason for it, so don’t try to cover it up or make excuses for him.
8. Ask Yourself if He’s Right for You
If a guy starts to back off then it might be a sign that he’s not the right person for you.
It’s important to ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who is behaving like this.
If he’s acting like this now, with just a small sign of commitment, think about how he might behave if things did start to get more serious.
9. Give Him the Space He’s Looking For
If a guy backs off then it’s probably because he needs some space to figure out what is going on in his head.
So, the best thing you can do is to give him the space he’s asking for.
Don’t try to force things or contact him too much as this will only push him away even more.
Let him come to you when he’s ready – if he’s never ready, it’s not meant to be and you’ll save yourself some heartache.
10. Ask His Friends What’s up With Him
If you want to know what’s going on with him then his friends are probably the best people to ask.
They’ll be able to give you some insight into what he’s thinking and feeling.
However, don’t go too crazy and start interrogating his friends as you’ll come across like a crazy woman and this will get back to him.
11. Listen to What Your Gut Is Telling You
When a guy backs off, it’s important to listen to your gut and what it’s telling you.
Our guts and intuitive feelings rarely let us down, if something feels ‘off’ then it probably is.
Don’t ignore your intuition as it will only lead you astray!
12. Focus On Your Own Self and Wellbeing
When a guy backs off it can be easy to focus on him, what he’s doing, and question yourself.
However, this is the wrong approach as you need to focus on yourself and your own wellbeing.
Think about what makes you happy and start doing more of those things.
Also, make sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally as it’s important to remember that you’re not on hold, you’re still on a personal journey to be your best self.
13. Accept That He Might Not Be ‘the One’
When a guy backs off it can be hard to accept that he might not be “the one.”
However, this is sometimes the case and you need to be prepared for it.
It’s important to remember that there are plenty of other fish in the sea and someone better will come along if you make space for them!
14. Be Positive About the Future
It’s important to be positive about the future when a guy backs off, no matter how caught up you are in the moment.
Yes, it sucks to feel like you’re being left hanging in the moment but you need to remember that this is not the end of the world.
Life goes on and you will find someone else who treats you right! Just keep thinking positive and don’t give up hope.
15. Talk to Other Guys While He’s Backed Off
It’s totally normal to want to talk to other guys when the guy you like backs off.
After all, you’ve been left wondering if he likes you as much as you like him. It’s also a good way to make yourself feel better and take your mind off of things.
However, don’t do this in an attempt to make him jealous or as a way to get revenge.
Just focus on talking to other guys because you’re interested in them, not because you want to make the guy you like feel bad.
16. Try to Understand Where His Head Is At
If you’re hurting, I’m sure the first thing that comes to mind is sending the guy an angry text or maybe doing something worse!
However, that’s not going to help. Even if you think that it will make you feel better, believe me, it won’t in the long run.
Without making excuses, it’s worth investigating if he is going through some personal stress or other issues.
If you understand what’s going on in his life, it might be easier to understand why he needs some space.
17. Know That the Perfect Person Is Never Far Away
When a guy backs off it can feel like the end of the world.
However, you need to remember that the perfect person for you is never far away.
There are plenty of other guys out there who would love to be in a relationship with you!
I’m not saying that you will or won’t end up getting into a relationship with this guy who’s backed off, I can’t tell you that.
But what I can tell you is that if you follow the advice in this article, you’ll protect yourself from being hurt and manifest the best possible outcome!
Image credits – Photo by Andy Art on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.