How to Handle Hot and Cold Guy – 9 Tips To Get Them!

Dealing with guys who blow hot and cold is about as frustrating as it gets in the dating game.

Are they into you?

Are they not?

Do they really like you?

Are they going to want to see you again or not?

It leaves you feeling like you don’t know where you stand and can send you on quite the emotional rollercoaster.

I’m here to help – here are some tips on how to handle hot and cold guys and find out exactly where you stand!

How to Handle Hot and Cold Guy – 9 Tips

1. Don’t Chase Them!

This is the number one mistake women make when it comes to hot and cold guys – they chase them!

When a guy starts acting hot and cold, the first thing most women do is start pursuing him harder.

They’ll text the guy more, try to spend more time with them, and basically just try to ‘win’ their affections because they feel like they’re losing them.

This is exactly what the guy wants, however. Going hot and cold is a way to gain control over someone and feed their ego and need for attention.

Don’t chase him, he’ll soon start to be hot more often than cold when he realizes you’re not going to chase him and he’s losing out.

Related What it means when a guy looks down and smiles at you.

2. Let Them Know You’re Going to Date Other Men

If you’ve been seeing a guy who has been going hot and cold on you, the best thing to do is to let him know that you’re open to dating other people.

This will make him realize that he could lose you if he doesn’t step up his game.

Don’t be afraid to date other men and let your guy know about it!

If he’s really the one and he sees you for the wonderful person that you are, he’ll get his act together and start fighting for you.

3. Ask Him Directly Where You Stand

One way to figure out what kind of games he’s playing is to a guy out on his behavior and see how he reacts.

If you’ve been seeing each other regularly but he’s still playing hot and cold, sit him down and ask him directly where you stand.

Is this going somewhere?

What are we doing?

Where do you see this going?

This is usually enough to make a guy see the effects of what he’s doing, and also put into perspective that you’re not going to play his games.

4. Give Yourself a Deadline Before You Pass On Him

If you’ve been dating a guy who’s been playing hot and cold for a while, it can be tough to let him go.

You might have invested so much time and effort into him that you feel like you can’t give up now.

However, sometimes you just need to know when enough is enough.

Give yourself a deadline – if he hasn’t changed his ways by X date, then you’ll move on and put him behind you until he’s willing to commit.

5. Ask Friends What You Should Do

If you’re really struggling to figure out how to handle a hot and cold guy, ask your friends what they think you should do.

It’s always helpful to get an outsider’s perspective on things, and your friends will be more than happy to give you their two cents!

They might even have some experience with dating hot and cold guys themselves, so they’ll be able to give you some first-hand advice.

After all, this is what friends are for!

6. Don’t Fall Under His Control

At its most basic level, playing with your emotions by being into you one day and then backing off the next is a way guys exert control.

It’s all too easy to fall into this trap by chasing them when they’re backing off, and falling deeper for them when they’re into you.

But this is a toxic relationship behavior and it’s important that you don’t fall under his control.

You’re in control of your own emotions, and you get to decide how this relationship is going to go – not him!

If he’s playing hot and cold, don’t let him control you – walk away. He’ll either come back begging, or he’s not worth the time!

Related Why guys avoid seeing you and how to tell if a guy at the gym really likes you.

7. Ask Yourself if He’s Worth the Heartache

I want you to give yourself a very honest answer to the question; is this guy really worth the heartache?

Like, really?

You might have invested so much time and effort into him that you feel like you can’t give up now.

However, sometimes you just need to know when enough is enough.

If he keeps blowing hot and cold and giving you the runaround, chances are he’s not worth it.

You deserve better and I’m 100% sure you’ll find a guy that doesn’t treat you this way if you quit spending time on him and make space for someone new.

8. Put Him on Hold Back

If a guy keeps going hot and cold on you, he’s doing so because he knows that they can get away with it.

They know that you’ll chase them when they back off, and they use this to their advantage.

However, you can turn the tables on him by putting him on hold back!

Stop chasing him and see how he reacts.

I can tell you how he’s going to react, he’s going to start contacting and finding out where he stands with you.

It’s nice to have the power shift into your hands, I’ll leave it up to you how you handle it!

9. Do What Truly Makes You Happy!

Whatever this guy is doing and whatever your goals are; the most important thing to remember is that you should always do what makes YOU happy.

You’re in control of your own happiness, and no one else can dictate how you feel.

If a guy is playing hot and cold with you and it’s making you unhappy, then walk away!

You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life, it will end up dragging you down in other areas.

What Does It Mean When a Guy Is ‘Hot and Cold’?

When a guy is hot and cold it basically means that he switches from being hot, which means he’s into you, to cold which means he’s distancing himself.

Some guys are hot and cold because they have commitment issues, they’re afraid of getting hurt, or they might even be playing games with you.

Other times, it can be hard to tell what’s going on with a guy – he might not even know himself!

If you’re struggling to figure out why a guy is behaving this way, ask him outright and see what he has to say.

However, at the end of the day it’s up to you whether or not you want to stick around and deal with a guy who is hot and cold – only you know what’s best for you!

Why Do Guys Go Hot and Cold on You?

The main reason guys go hot and cold is because they can get away with it.

If a guy goes cold on you, he can’t go back to being hot if you’re not facilitating him by taking him back when he does.

This is why you can turn the tables on him by putting him on hold back if you want to start pushing back against this behavior.

A lot of women are hesitant to do so as they think they’ll lose the guy, but that’s exactly why he’s doing it.

It’s easy for me to say, I know, but the best thing you can do is to stop chasing him and see how he reacts.

If you do lose him, he wants to break away and all you’ve done is cut down how long it took for him to break away, that’s fine!

If he stops going cold on you and is 100% committed to you, again that’s a win as you no longer have to put up with the drama.


Image credits – Photo by Egor Vikhrev on Unsplash

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