Not knowing where you stand with a guy is one of the worst feelings in the world – especially if you know exactly what you want.
Having “that talk” about the future of your relationship and asking a guy exactly what he wants from you isn’t an easy conversation to have.
But it’s an important one.
At least, if you want to sleep better, feel better about yourself and the relationship, and plan for your future, it is.
Here are some tips to help you ask your man what he wants from you in a way that he doesn’t feel awkward, and is most likely to open up and be honest with you:
Tips for Asking a Guy What He Wants From You the Right Way
A lot of guys find it difficult to open up about their feelings, especially when they’re being asked personal questions that relate to the person asking them.
If you want your boyfriend to feel comfortable and most willing to be open and honest with you, it’s important you set the right scene and ask the question in the right way.
A few things to consider are:
- Pick the right time – Don’t drop questions about your relationship in the middle of family dinner. Pick a time when you’re both in a good mood, are alone, and free from distractions.
- Don’t make him feel cornered – It’s important that your boyfriend/partner doesn’t feel cornered, or he’ll feel compelled to tell you anything to get out of it. Don’t be confrontational, and ask when he’s not trapped in a car or a small room.
- Listen as well as you talk – If your guy is shy or finding it difficult to open up, don’t dominate the conversation. Make sure you listen to him, you may even have to read between the lines a little.
- Be prepared to accept what he says – I hope your partner tells you exactly what you’re hoping to hear. If he doesn’t, however, accept what he’s saying. Emotions can run high when talking about the future of a relationship, don’t get into an argument.
Related – How to ask a guy “Where is this going?”
How to Ask a Guy What He Wants From You
When you’re ready to ask your partner what he wants from you and the timing is as good as it’s going to get, here are some questions to ask him:
Ask Him; ‘What Are You Looking For in Our Relationship?’
There is no point skirting around the question you really want to ask, if you feel although you’ll walk away wishing you’d just asked him – then ask him.
Being so confrontational is not for everyone. Don’t worry if you don’t feel although you can ask him this outright, there are plenty of other less direct questions you can ask.
Ask Him; ‘Where Do You See Yourself in Two Years?’
This is always a great question to probe how invested someone is in a relationship.
If he talks about a future that excites him but doesn’t include you, you’ve just gained an insight into his priorities and what comes before you.
If he paints a happy picture that includes the two of you and this aligns with what you want, you can sign a breath of relief.
Ask Him; ‘What’s Important to You in a Relationship?’
Unless you ask your partner what they want from a relationship, you’re probably never going to know.
People are not quick to point out faults in their partners or what is lacking in a relationship for risk of offending them.
When they’re being asked, however, it’s often the opportunity they’ve been waiting for to explain what they want from a relationship – and it’ll be obvious how well you’re meeting those needs.
Ask Him; ‘How Do You Feel Our Relationship Is Going?’
This is another difficult question to ask, but it’s going to feel right – or even necessary – for some people to ask.
If you’re at a point in your relationship where you’re feeling uncertain, then this is a good question to ask.
If you’ve been feeling uncertain, be prepared for your partner to flip the question back at you as he’s likely picked up on those same feelings.
Ask Him; ‘What’s Your Top Goals and Priorities in Life?’
This is another interesting question to ask your partner that may reveal more than you’re expecting about what he wants – or doesn’t want – from you.
If you – or relationships in general – are not high up on his list of life goals of priorities, the sad reality is that he doesn’t want something serious from you.
On the same line of questioning, you may find out exactly what he does want from you.
Ask Him; ‘What Makes Him Happy?’
At the end of the day, we’re all chasing happiness. Especially from our relationships, it’s important that they’re fulfilling and rewarding.
There is no end of studies showing that happiness isn’t always tied to money or success, true happiness is often ingrained in our closest relationships.
From this conversation, you should have a clearer picture of whether or not you’re able to make your partner happy.
It goes both ways, he should want to make you as happy as you make him. But on a basic level, if he doesn’t want happiness from you, you need to question your relationship.
One of the number one reasons why couples split is because there is a lack of communication, and on a deeper level, a lack of understanding of what each person wants from one another.
There is nothing wrong with asking a guy what he wants from you. It’s just important that you go about asking difficult questions like this one in the right way.
Hopefully, I’ve helped set the scene for how you can approach this question with your partner.
As well as providing some other questions to help you better understand what your guy wants from you and your relationship to help you be happier and more secure together.
Image credits – Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.