Want to have ‘that talk’ with your boyfriend? In this article, I’m going to explain how to ask a guy “where this is going?” Including how to approach the topic, how to prepare yourself for his answer, and how to tell what he’s really thinking.
Sometimes it’s obvious how a relationship is going and what your plans are for the future. But often, it’s not obvious.
This can fill you with anxiety about whether or not your boyfriend feels the same as you and sees a future between the two of you.
The best way to settle your nerves – and to find out exactly how he sees your relationship – is to ask him where he sees your relationship going in the future.
I can’t promise you’ll hear exactly what you want. However, I can help you prepare yourself and ask your boyfriend in a way that’ll help him open up and be honest.
Here are seven things to keep in mind when asking your boyfriend or partner about how he sees your relationship:
How To Ask a Guy “Where This Is Going?” – 7 Tips
Pick the Right Time and Don’t Make Him Feel Cornered
I’m sure you’ll agree, asking a guy where he thinks your relationship is going is a big deal. The timing, situation, and how you ask him, he’s going to have an impact on how he answers.
You want him to feel free to give you an open and honest answer, so it’s important that you choose a time and place where he doesn’t feel pressured.
You should have a good understanding of when your boyfriend or husband is most relaxed. Pick a time like this to have this conversation.
If he looks uncomfortable and clearly doesn’t want to discuss it, it’s better that you change the topic of the conversation and don’t pressure him to answer.
Related – Does it feel like your boyfriend is using you for a place to live?
Let Him Know Exactly How You Feel
Discussing feelings, emotions, and your relationship, in general, isn’t an easy thing to do.
It’s going to help if you lead by telling your partner where you see your relationship going and what your wants are.
It’s a nerve-wracking thing to do. You’re potentially about to find out if your partner sees your future together the same as you do – or not the same at all.
But if you want him to be open and honest and show his vulnerability, you have to be willing to do the same.
Don’t Backtrack Based on What He Says
Following on from being honest and telling your partner exactly where you see your relationship going, it’s important that you don’t backtrack if he sees the future very differently from you.
If your partner has very different plans for the future, changing yours on the spot to align with his is going to be a huge turn-off for him.
Don’t forget, this is why you’re having this conversation – to find out where the both of you stand and whether or not you have the same picture in mind for your future together.
If he sees your future together very differently from what you do, don’t panic. It doesn’t mean you have no future together.
It’s something you’re going to need to discuss together in more detail, not something you can just agree with him about on the spot.
Read Between the Lines…Very Carefully
Talking about the future and where he thinks your relationship is going isn’t easy and he may not be able to say everything he’s thinking.
You know your boyfriend or partner better than anyone, so it’s only you who can really read between the lines or look for body language cues as to what he’s thinking.
Please try not to jump to any conclusions. But do pay attention to your boyfriend’s body language and the things he says.
If he is not currently doing the things that would create the future for the two of you that he is talking of, it’s fair to question how committed he is.
Related – Here are some ways you can tell if your partner is lying.
Listen As Well as You Talk
The key to any conversation being successful is to be as good of a – or an even better – listener as you are a talker.
Obviously, it’s an emotionally driven conversation you’re having, so there are going to be nerves. Take a deep breath beforehand, and remember to give your boyfriend plenty of time to talk.
Listen carefully to what he’s telling you, too. Don’t just shoehorn in all the things you want to say, go with the flow of the conversation and let it take its natural course.
Be Prepared To Accept What He Says
I hope your boyfriend tells you exactly what you want to hear and that you’re going to have a perfect future together, I really do.
However, you need to run all possible scenarios through your head before having this conversation.
Being prepared to hear something that you don’t want to hear will enable you to better deal with that news, should it happen.
Ultimately, you have to remember that you’re initiating this conversation so that you know where the both of you stand.
If your boyfriend says that he doesn’t see a future with you, or at least not the kind of future you want, you’re going to have to accept that.
Keep in Mind It’s Difficult for a Lot of Guys To Open Up
Let’s be real here, it’s difficult for a lot of guys to open up about their emotions, how they feel about their partners, and talk about the future of a relationship.
If your boyfriend is not ready or able to talk openly about where he sees your relationship going, don’t be too hard on him or show him that you’re disappointed.
Just by bringing up the topic you’ve given him something to think about and let him know that you’re thinking about your future together.
You can get your vision across, too, without being pushy and asking that he shares how he’s feeling if he’s not ready to.
Related – Been together 1 year and still not heard “I love you”?
The above tips should help you approach this topic in the right way so that your boyfriend feels comfortable talking to you.
If he doesn’t and he’s not ready, then at least you tried to have the talk. If you’re anxious about your future, talking to him is the right thing to do.
These emotionally-driven, heart-to-heart talks are never easy. Be patient, willing to listen, try to understand where he’s coming from, and I’m sure it’ll work out for the best.
Image credits – Photo by Taisiia Stupak on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.