I hear it all the time, “help, my boyfriend spends money on himself not me, what should I do?”
This is an incredibly frustrating and selfish behavior. It’s not exactly an example of male chivalry and a strong sign that your boyfriend loves you and thinks about you.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t care about you (although that may be part of it). But it does mean that he’s either selfish, emotionally immature, or insensitive.
All of which are pretty hard emotions and acts to deal with in a partner.
Here are some tips to help you better understand why your boyfriend spends all his money on himself, how to talk to him and make him realize why he’s being selfish, and how to move forward:
Why Is My Boyfriend So Stingy With His Money?
Some guys are tight with money. Not just in relationships, but they find it hard to dig into their wallet for anything.
This can cause some serious damage to a relationship. Not just because he won’t spend any money on you, having a ‘tight’ attitude towards money can really hold someone back in life.
Here are some of the reasons why guys are stringy or tight with money:
It’s How He Was Brought Up
We all inherit a lot of actions, habits, beliefs, and so on from our parents. If your boyfriend has tight parents, there’s a good chance he also thinks this is the right way to act with his money.
Even more so if he saw his dad controlled the family finances and he didn’t spend much on his mom. Your boyfriend will associate that as normal behavior and not spend much on you.
He Doesn’t Understand the Value of Money
A lot of people who are tight with money simply don’t understand the value of money. In fact, they often end up losing out on money overall but not spending wisely and investing their money.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s not something that reflexes badly on someone. Personal finance is something that really isn’t spoken about or taught well enough in most schools.
He Isn’t as into You as You Think
If he’s spending money freely on himself but not you, it may be a reflection on how he feels about you and the relationship.
I hate to say it. But it’s something you have to consider. Does he also spend money on his friends and other aspects of his lifestyle?
If he’s more generous with his friends than he is with you, that’s a sign that he’s not as committed to the relationship as he should be.
It’s harsh to say, but as I mentioned earlier you could have a selfish boyfriend. Selfish people think of themselves before anyone else – often only themselves – and don’t even realize they’re doing it.
I like to give everyone a fair chance. If you think it’s simply that he’s selfish, I say talk to him and see if he realizes that he’s spending loads on himself, and not sharing it around.
Sometimes, it’s the wake-up call that’s needed. Other times, it can offend someone as selfish people are often defensive.
Do You Spend Money on Him?
Something else to take into consideration is how much you spend on him. Not a total dollar amount, just be honest with yourself about how generous you are with your boyfriend.
The days of guys being the ones to spend all the money are long gone (I’m sorry to say). Still, you should want to treat your boyfriend. If you’re just as tight as he is (or dare I say, even more tight), then you really don’t have cause for complaint.
In fact, if he sees you’re reluctant to spend any money on him, that might be a reason why he’s not willing to spend any on you.
Does Your Boyfriend Complain About Spending Money on You?
This is another ‘complaint’ I hear far too often, and it’s sad really. Your boyfriend shouldn’t make you feel bad about him spending money on you, that’s really not fair.
If he’s not happy with spending money on you, he shouldn’t do it. It’s as simple as that.
As long as you’re not taking advantage, he has to realize that everyone has a different financial situation and finances in a relationship are never ‘fair’.
The funny thing (although it’s really not funny) is that several people I’ve spoken to that were on the receiving end of their partner’s grumbles about spending money on them ended up being the ones bankrolling the relationship in the future.
You really never know what’s around the corner. Money, in particular, can easily be here today and gone tomorrow, and vice versa.
How Do You Know if Your BF Is Using You for Money?
If your boyfriend isn’t paying for things when you’re together, that means you are, right?
If that is the case, you need to be sure that he’s not just using you for your money. There are a few signs to look out for that he may be, these are:
- Having you buy expensive things for him
- Never offering to pay and always assuming you will
- Always promising to pay next time, but never doing so
- Asking you for money, even when he clearly has some
- He just doesn’t seem to make effort with you
I’m not saying that he’s 100% using you if you spot one or more of these signs, but it’s really not a positive sign.
Finances should be as equal as possible in a relationship. It’s unlikely both you and your boyfriend will ever earn exactly the same amount and spend equal amounts on each other,
But arguments over money shouldn’t be happening, and you shouldn’t feel like he spends loads on himself but won’t spend anything on you.
Especially if you’re generous with him. Hopefully, the information in this article has helped you better understand his spending habits, and opened the door for you to speak with him about it.
Image credits – Photo by MayoFi on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.