If you’ve been in a relationship for more than a year, should you be concerned or anxious if your partner hasn’t said those magical three words yet…
I love you.
First of all, let me reassure you a little. A lot of relationships get to one year with no “I love you” being said and go on to be lifelong partnerships.
Still, it doesn’t fill you with confidence if your partner won’t tell you they love you. You especially if you’ve already professed your love for them.
In this article, I’m looking at some of the reasons why some people find it so hard to say those three words and what it might say about your relationship.
5 Reasons Why Your Partner Has Not Said “I Love You” After One Year
They’re Scared of Rejection
Saying “I love you” is a big deal. More so to some than others, but I think we both agree that it should be a big deal.
Have you said it to them yet?
It’s possible that your partner is scared that you don’t feel the same. Rejection of any type is hard to take but professing your love to someone only to be told by the other person that they do not feel the same can be devastating.
This fear will only be compounded if your partner has been hurt in the past. How much do you know about their previous experiences? Is it possible that they’ve been rejected before?
Putting off telling you that they love you is a way of protecting themselves from heartbreak. Not just in the moment of saying those three words, but the commitment that comes with it in the future.
Related – What to do if you feel insecure around your partner.
They Feel Like They Don’t Need to Tell You
Some people may never actually say it, although they truly do love you. Obviously, this doesn’t help you feel any more secure about the relationship though.
There are a few things you can do here, but you do have to act tactfully and respect the fact that it may be just too difficult for your partner to say it – at least right now.
Take a good look at how they behave towards you. Is your partner behaving like someone who truly loves you?
How do they react when you bring up the topic? Are they more coy and shy about it, or stubborn and dismissive?
It’s really not that hard to tell if someone loves another person. They will do special little things for them, go out of their way to put that person first, and honestly, you can tell by the way you feel when you look into their eyes or are in their company.
They’re Emotionally Detached
Some people – and this does relate to men more than women – are emotionally detached and unable to form strong emotional bonds.
This could mean a number of things depending on the person, but it almost always means that they are unable to say they love you because they’re just not willing (or able) to feel that love right now.
Again, this doesn’t mean that they do not love you. It also doesn’t mean that they will never be able to tell you that they do, but it’s going to take some work and some patience.
They Don’t Feel Although They Love You Yet
I don’t like saying this, but I do have to state the obvious – one possible answer is that they don’t (or at least don’t think) that they do love you.
I know this is going to be hard for some people to confront, but before you do anything hasty take into account that;
- If this is the case, you have to respect that they haven’t just said those three words because they know that you would like to hear it.
- Also, this doesn’t mean that they don’t care for you or that they will not grow to love you in the future.
For some people, a year is just not a long time to get to know someone and grow to love them.
Sure, we’ve all seen whirlwind romance movies, and most of us fantasize about such things. But the reality is, 12-months just isn’t a long time for people living busy lives.
If your relationship is great, just give it more time.
They’re Caught up With Personal Issues
It’s easy to get wrapped up thinking about your relationship if you don’t have a lot of other things going on at the moment.
Take a moment to think about how much your partner has going on. Do they have a lot on their mind? Are they having problems at work or with family matters?
If they do have a lot going on, they might be too emotionally drained to focus on the relationship and take the time to tell you how much you really mean to them.
If this is the case, the last thing they want is pressure to show their commitment to you right now. Focus on helping them get on top of their emotional concerns.
As soon as they’re on top of all their personal issues, I’m sure you’ll get the best version of them telling you exactly how they feel about you.
Still No “I Love You” After 1 Year – Should You Be Concerned?
The answer to this question really comes down to how healthy your relationship is.
If you are able to identify the reason why your partner has not told you they love you from the suggestions above, you should be able to find a resolution. Or, at least understand why they have not said it.
On the other hand, if this has caused you to take a good hard look at your relationship and you are aware that there are cracks, issues, or and healthy behaviors – you need to ask yourself why you want to hear your partner say they love you.
Wanting to hear them say it to reassure you that they love you and that the relationship is strong, is not the right reason and will not have the desired effect.
When someone tells a partner they love them it needs to come from deep within them and without any pressure.
It needs to be that truly special, emotionally driven moment that means the world to them. That strips them down to their most vulnerable state, at their most honest.
What am I trying to say?
Some people find it hard to say “I love you”, they really do.
A little support and encouragement are fine, but it’s going to mean a whole lot more if you wait until they’re 100% ready and comfortable enough to say it.
For me, there are no more powerful three words in the English language. Respect it.
Image Credits – Photo by Wright Brand Bacon on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.