Ups and downs in a relationship are normal. Even huge ups and downs and rocky spells are normal for some; but, when is a relationship beyond saving?
Too many couples stay in toxic or unfulfilling relationships for all of the wrong reasons. Sometimes, you just have to face up to the facts that you’re not compatible, or too much irreparable damage has been done.
There comes a point for a lot of couples when their emotional energy is better spent separating from their relationship – as hard as that is.
By doing so, you create space to form strong, meaningful, and fulfilling relationships in your life. When you do, you’ll instantly feel the difference.
Here’s a look at some of the signs and reasons a relationship is beyond saving and it’s time to call it quits:
When Is a Relationship Beyond Saving: 8 Clear Signs
The Trust Is Gone
Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Trust can be earned, it can be lost, and it can even be regained.
If you don’t have trust, however, there really is no real relationship. At least not a solid, meaningful one. It’s absolutely vital that you both know you can trust each other no matter what.
For a lot of couples, trust diminishes over time. The more incidents of trust being violated, the harder it is to bounce back each time.
If your partner has given you reason not to trust them or broken your trust one too many times, it’s a sure sign the relationship is beyond saving.
You’re Afraid of Your Partner
You should never be afraid of your partner, never. Whether it’s emotional, physical, psychological, or some other form of abuse that’s scaring you – you should never be in a relationship where you feel threatened.
Fear is usually tied to controlling behavior, which is one of the most toxic elements of a relationship.
You should be free to do what you want when you want and without fear of any repercussions in a healthy relationship.
Related – Signs you’re in a toxic relationship.
There Has Been More Than One Incident of Cheating
This is tied to the trust aspect, but trust can relate to a number of behaviors. Cheating, in particular, is an obvious heel in any relationship.
I’m in the school of thought that even one incident of cheating is incredibly hard to come back from.
But two or more incidents, and even a case where you’ve both cheated, I think it’s time to accept that you’re not staying together for the right reasons.
The Feelings Aren’t There Any Longer
This is something that only you (and your partner) can answer. Do you really have deep feelings for them? Do you love them?
A lot of couples think it’s normal for feelings to fade over time. This really isn’t true. Of course, you can’t feel giddy in love 24/7, and the ‘honeymoon period’ will only last so long.
But when it’s just you and your partner alone or you have a moment to think about them, you should feel those feelings that drew you both together at first.
If you don’t, and you don’t feel like you both have the strength and willingness to see if you can get that spark back, it’s not a good sign.
You Really Don’t Care About Your Partner
In a lot of relationships where it’s hit a crisis point, one or both of the parties involved often come to the realization that they no longer care about their partner.
Not just in the relationship sense of the word. But also as a person. This is obviously sad when it reaches this point, and is often the result of damage sustained during the relationship.
Take a long hard think about how you feel about your partner. Do you really not care about them? Do you no longer worry if they’re out late or stress with them about important decisions and so on?
Something Happened That Can’t Be Forgiven
There are ups and downs in all relationships, it’s normal. Some incidents are worse than others, however.
If an incident has taken place between the two of you that either one or both of you just can’t forgive or move past, it’s going to do irreparable damage to your relationship.
If something bad happened, you don’t have to forget it or pretend it never happened. But for a relationship to survive, you do have to find forgiveness to be able to move forward.
If you can’t, your relationship is also on hold.
You Dream About a Future Without Them
If you’re in love with your partner you should be dreaming about a future with them, not one without them.
If you daydream or fantasize about a future alone – or with someone else – it’s a pretty strong sign that you’re deeply unhappy.
It might be subconscious for the most part. I’m not suggesting you act on your subconscious thoughts and feelings, but you shouldn’t ignore them either.
You’ve Grown Apart
Growing apart is another reason why a lot of couples split. Often, it’s not anyone’s fault. Two people can grow to like completely different things over time and end up having little or nothing in common.
Being in a relationship with someone you can’t enjoy doing things with becomes a lonely place to be.
It’s often due to one person having large dreams and ambitions, while the other is happy just watching TV or staying the same.
It often ends up becoming a point of resentment if one person holds another back, it’s better to let go than to hang on.
Splitting from someone you have a long history, and even still some feelings for is hard to do. Lots of couples stay together for this very reason – they’re scared of change, being alone, losing their lifestyles, and so on.
You need to take a hard look at your relationship and ask yourself what’s really important to you. Being happy, or being stable?
I know what I would choose every time.
We only have one life, and we all deserve to be happy. Holding on to a toxic relationship is one of the worst things you can do for your mental and physical health.
If you know in your heart that your relationship is beyond saving, do the right thing for you and your partner and cut ties.
Image credits – Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.