Someone emailed me recently with some concerns. It was a long email, but basically, she was saying; “My husband has no dreams or goals and it’s putting a strain on our relationship, both emotionally and financially.”
This is actually a fairly common complaint from one person in a relationship.
It’s hard to have goals that align with a partner, I get that. But when one person in a relationship is much more motivated and passionate about achieving things than the other, it can cause a lot of problems.
Not least it can really take the wind out of the sails for the person chasing their dreams.
If you’re currently in this position, and if it’s affecting your chances to achieve your goals, you need to do something about it.
It’s not fair on you, or anyone in a relationship to be dragged down by their partner. I’m not saying you should abandon the relationship necessary. Hopefully, you can find a way to motivate your husband!
Because as someone who spends every day working towards their dreams, I know how fulfilling it makes me as a person, and how wonderful it makes life. As I’m sure you do, too.
Why Dreams and Goals Are So Important (to You and Your Husband)
I’m sure I don’t need to convince you, but if your husband is lacking goals and dreams, he’s missing out.
Here are some of the reasons why having dreams and setting goals are important:
They Give Our Lives Purpose
Having a purpose is everything, right? So many people just aimlessly go through life never really knowing why or what they’re doing. It’s sad.
Some people dream big from the time they’re small children, while some people need a little help. That’s fine, I believe we can all find a meaningful purpose if we look for it – your husband is just one of those people that needs a little help.
It Lights a Fire Deep Inside Us
This is the hardest thing to explain to someone who has never had a dream or felt like they have a purpose.
Having a purpose lights a fire deep inside that you can’t fake. It drives you to reach those goals, it’s motivating, it makes us feel alive!
It really is the reason why athletes, actors, and other people that achieve extraordinary things are able to do so. They have dreams to be the best and they try their hardest.
It’s a wonderful thing!
You’ll Meet Like-Minded People
When you have goals, the best part is that you’re ever alone. Meeting other people with similar goals is one of the most wonderful and fulfilling things – hence why being with someone that doesn’t can be so hard.
It’s a great way to meet new people and get out of a rut. I bet if your husband got that initial momentum and started to expand his social circle he’d get out of that rut.
You’ll Find a Deeper Happiness
Happiness is good for our physical, mental, and emotional health. Many people, and this may be true of your husband, are not truly happy without having a purpose or goals.
They may be happy on the outside, and they may be happy with you and their other relationships. But there is a happiness that runs deeper, one that is omnipresent, even without friends and material possessions around.
What Do You Do When Your Partner Has No Ambition?
If your partner doesn’t have any ambitions, goals, dreams, or seemingly any purpose in life, it can be a hard position to find yourself in.
Do you try and help them find their passion? Or, are they happy as they are?
The main question you have to ask yourself is, “how is their lack of ambition affecting me?”
Because, as I touched on in the opening comments, having two people on the opposite side of the scale in terms of ambition can cause some serious problems.
The main issue is that they can drag you down, and that’s not fair. The unfortunate fact is that lack of ambition is often stronger than the desire to achieve goals (hence why people find themselves in a rut).
Why? Because it’s easier to just cruise through life, right?
It’s hard to work towards lofty goals each day. It takes effort. There will be times when you’re feeling beat down and deflated, you’ll need someone to help motivate you.
That’s not going to come from your husband if he doesn’t share the same passion or understand how important and fulfilling it is to achieve something great.
So, you have two really hard decisions to make. To achieve your own personal goals, you can either:
Put Yourself First and Leave Your Husband
This may sound drastic, and it probably is for some reading this.
However, if you read the above section and were nodding your head and thinking, “my husband is stopping me from achieving my dreams,” you need to seriously evaluate how compatible you are.
Sure, there are a lot of things that are important in our lives, and family is right up there. But we only live once, and I’ve spoken with too many people at later stages of their lives with huge regrets.
There is no reason why you can’t achieve your dreams while still maintaining your relationship. So, if it’s stopping you from doing so, you need to address it.
Related – Does your husband pick on everything you do? Here’s what to do.
Tell Him to Meet You in the Middle and Support You, or Else
That leads me on to this point. If you can’t help your husband find his own purpose, the least he can do is support you and help you achieve yours.
Goals become so much easier to achieve with the support of others. Especially loved ones and those around us.
This is why it’s commonly said that we’re the average of the five people we spend the most time with. If you surround yourself with unmotivated people, it’ll demotivate you.
Likewise, if you can get support from your husband and meet other like-minded people also chasing their goals, you will achieve yours.
Desire and ambition are contagious. Having a solid foundation of support of your partner is essential.
Please, even if he can’t find his own dreams and goals – make sure you don’t take a step back in chasing yours!
Image credits – Photo by Rhett Noonan on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.