Do you feel insecure around your boyfriend?
It’s not good for you or your relationship to feel insecure. As I’m sure you’re well aware.
Feeling insecure will make you put yourself down – when you shouldn’t. It’ll make you doubt your boyfriend, doubt your relationship, and you’ll have all kinds of negative thoughts.
If you want to move forward and have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your boyfriend, you need to address your insecurities and find a way to get past them.
If you don’t, it’s unlikely your relationship will make it, honestly. At best, you’ll put a strain on your relationship.
If you’re aware that you feel insecure around your boyfriend and want to address these issues, here are some of the common reasons for feeling insecure, and what you can do help yourself:
4 Common Reasons Why People Feel Insecure in Their Relationships
Negative Past Relationship Experiences
Most of us aren’t born insecure, we develop insecurities due to events that happen in our lives.
For example, if you’ve been cheated on in the past, you’re going to be insecure about it happening again. Or, if you’ve been treated badly in any way, you’re going to carry that with you.
It’s perfectly normal and understandable. You just need to find a way to realize that every guy is not the same, and history isn’t going to repeat itself.
You’re Lacking Self-Esteem
If you lack confidence or self-esteem, you’re going to feel insecure about yourself and situations in your life.
Essentially, self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. High self-esteem can feel like we’re on cloud 9, while low self-esteem can make it feel like the world is closing in and everything is going wrong.
Just as with insecurities, you need to challenge what’s causing your low self-esteem to be able to move forward.
Related – Feel uncomfortable around your boyfriend? Here’s some reasons why.
You’re Driven by Perfectionism
Most of us want the best for ourselves and those close to us. But these thoughts and wants can easily become more damaging than they are positive if we set our standards too high.
You need to find a place where confident you’re giving 100%, and are happy with the results – whatever they are.
Setting unrealistic goals will create insecurities that you’re not good enough, which simply isn’t true.
You’re Depressed or Dealing With Mental Health Issues
Depression, negative thoughts, insecurities, it’s all linked to the state of your mental health. If you’re dealing with depression, overcoming this will almost certainly help you get over your insecurities and negative thoughts.
If you are dealing with depression right now, it’s vital you make contact with the most appropriate support group where you live to get help.
Is It Normal to Feel Insecure at the Beginning of a Relationship?
It’s extremely common to feel insecure at the beginning of a new relationship, yes. Almost everyone experiences some form of relationship anxiety, whether that’s at the beginning, or during a relationship.
The way to get past these feelings is to do the things I’ve outlined in this article. By working on talking about your insecurities with your boyfriend you can build trust and develop a strong relationship.
Related – Signs a relationship is beyond saving.
How Do I Stop Feeling Insecure in My Relationship?
The only way to really get over your insecurities is to address and deal with whatever is causing these feelings.
The exact reasons are going to vary from person-to-person. However, some of the common solutions typically revolve around:
Talking about your insecurities is essential if you’ve going to get past them. Ideally, you’ll be able to talk about it openly with your boyfriend and he’ll provide an understanding ear.
If that’s too difficult, many people turn to friends, family, or professionals to get it all out in the open. Find what works best for you.
If you’re insecure, you’re lacking confidence, self-esteem, and most importantly self-love. I’m sure you’ve heard it said before; you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.
Start by working on your confidence. This is a process for a separate topic, but start by listing the things that are great about you (and there absolutely will be loads), surrounding yourself with good people, and working on yourself.
Address Your Insecurities
What are you insecure about? Maybe you’re scared of losing your boyfriend – if so talk to him about that and let him know you need reassurance right now.
If you doubt yourself, again, talk to your boyfriend. He wouldn’t be with you if you were not the awesome person you are, right?
Practicing meditation and mindfulness techniques has a number of positive benefits. These techniques help you be more present in the moment, identify how you’re really feeling deep down, and give you clarity on how to heal.
You can increase your self-awareness, reduce negative emotions, and develop a more balanced outlook. It’s a great way to put your insecurities into perspective and improve your mindset.
Should I Tell My Boyfriend My Insecurities?
The answer to this question is almost always, “yes”.
Communication is always the best way to deal with insecurities, it’s just a matter of how you go about it.
The nature of being insecure means you’re harboring irrational worries and self-doubts yourself. By talking about these with your boyfriend, you’ll quickly realize that he doesn’t see things the same way as you do.
I know it’s not going to be easy. But, you have to remember that being in a relationship means sharing the good and the bad, right? You’ll expect your boyfriend to share his insecurities rather than keeping them to himself – so you should do the same.
Image credits – Photos by Joanna Nix-Walkup and Gabbu Orcutt on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.