One of the questions I get a lot from women questioning their relationship is; “My boyfriend doesn’t include me in his plans, does this mean he doesn’t see a future with me?”
It certainly can mean that, yes.
Not always though.
Some men are spontaneous, some like to plan into the future, and some just have a very self-centered view of their future.
It’s hard to answer this question without knowing more about you, your man, and your relationship.
What I can do, however, is help you take a closer look at him and the reasons why he might be making future plans that do not include you:
5 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Include You in His Plans
He Doesn’t See a Future With You
Let’s start out with the reason most women fear – it’s possible it’s because he doesn’t see a future with you.
Now, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with you. It might just be how he sees his future, more so due to being insecure about the relationship.
It’s something you should talk to him about for sure – without going in with the attitude that he doesn’t want to be with you!
Find out where his head is at. As you’ll see from some of the other reasons below, there are a number of reasons why some guys don’t feel comfortable making plans with you, yet they’d love to.
He’s Just Self-Centered
‘Self-centered’ is a pretty ugly word, but it doesn’t always mean someone is selfish and doesn’t think of anyone else.
Well, it often does mean that, but what I mean is that it’s not always deliberate. You have to first understand why someone only thinks of themselves before blaming them. There’s often a reason to explain it.
If it’s all they’ve ever known and they have little to no experience including others in their plans, give them some leeway.
Your man might just need reminding that you’re there and you want to be included. As crazy as that sounds, some people do need that level of help!
He’s Nervous About What You’ll Say
It might just be a confidence thing. I say ‘just’, but it’s kind of a big deal if your boyfriend doesn’t feel comfortable enough to include you in his plans.
Maybe he’s been burned before, or it might be that he doesn’t want to come off as controlling or bossy. You’ll have to talk it out to find out why he feels like this.
Whatever the reason, you need to make it perfectly clear that you want to be included in his plans. If he books you in for something you don’t want to do, or can’t do, it shouldn’t be a problem letting him know.
Great communication is the key to any relationship. It certainly applies to making plans in the future!
He’s Insecure
When one person in a relationship is insecure, it causes all kinds of problems. It almost always makes someone second-guess or doubt most of the things they do, in particular, their relationship and building a future with someone.
This means things we see as simple, or obvious like making future plans are difficult for them. Not because they have other ideas or don’t want to include you, but because they lack the confidence to do so.
Unfortunately, it’s not an easy one to fix by changing a few little things like helping them feel secure about making plans. In the long-term, you’re both going to need to get to the root of the issue and resolve it.
He’s Waiting for You to Put Yourself Into His Plans
Insecurities and doubts aside, there is another form of miscommunication I’ve seen between couples before on a number of occasions.
Sometimes guys make plans (and girls too) and they’re waiting for you to be assertive and let them know if you want to be part of those plans.
Maybe the reason behind this is a little bit of several of the reasons I’ve mentioned. Either way, it’s more positive than some of the other reasons. It shows they want to include you, but also want to give you space and freedom to choose if you want in or not.
Pretty easy to test this one; add yourself to some of his plans and see how he reacts. If he welcomes you to join him, great. This might help him be more proactive about including you in the future too.
Related – Signs a guy wants you to chase him.
What Does It Mean When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Post About You?
Managing relationships on social media is a touchy practice, more so for guys and than girls too. If your boyfriend doesn’t post about you on social media, don’t jump to wild conclusions.
It may mean that he’s not comfortable making your relationship public, yes. There are a load of other reasons that may explain his hesitation though; it could be because he’s a private person, he’s respecting your privacy, or relationship stuff is just not what he uses social media for.
It’s worth talking to him if it’s upsetting you or you really want to know why he’s not tweeting and posting about the cool stuff you two get up to.
What Do You Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Put You in Effort?
If making plans that don’t include you is just one thing in a long list of things that shows you your boyfriend doesn’t seem to think or care about you, you have a bigger issue.
You deserve more than someone who doesn’t put effort into the relationship. Especially someone who doesn’t put anywhere near the effort in that you do.
Image credits – Photos by Marcus Wallis and Christin Hume on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.