Relationships are tough, you’re going to have ups and downs. Getting angry at your boyfriend from time-to-time is normal, don’t ever think it’s not.
As long as you can control your anger and calm yourself down without doing anything you’ll regret, your relationship can be stronger going forward.
Here are some tips to help you understand why you’re getting angry, how to get angry less often in the future, and some calming exercises that are great for your mental health and wellbeing:
How to Calm Down When You’re Angry at Your Boyfriend
Evaluate If Your Anger Is Justified
We’ve all been way angrier about something than we should have been. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and with a calm head, we can take steps to really understand if we should be as angry as we are.
Take a look at the situation that made you blow up at your boyfriend. Ask someone unbiased opinion too if you’re comfortable talking about it.
While I’m not suggesting you should put any of the blame on yourself if you can honestly say you overreacted you need to be aware of it.
Be Honest With Yourself – Are There Other Reasons Why You’re Angry?
While there are triggers that set off anger, there are often underlying reasons that cause the anger to boil up.
A lot of people get angry when they’re being defensive. Maybe you’re embarrassed or afraid of something? It might be that the reason is tied to a previous experience?
This is something you’re going to have to be honest with yourself about, only you will really know the answer.
If you can identify that you’re using anger to mask an emotion, you’ll need to address that underlying issue before you can deal with the anger.
If you are having issues with anger, it might be a good idea to look into counseling. Therapy has done amazing things in my life, and I really recommend it. Online-therapy.com is a great online therapy platform and they are currently offering 20% off.
Give Yourself Some Space
If you’re around your boyfriend, get out of the room or the house. If you’re alone, maybe go outside and get some fresh air.
You’ll benefit from space when you’re angry, especially if you’re surrounded by the reasons or reminders of what triggered your anger.
There is also scientific evidence to suggest that going outside is good for you. According to Harvard Medical School, you’ll be happier because your body will produce more vitamins and increase the production of feel-good hormones.
Pretty awesome, and there’s no better time than when you’re angry!
Related – Does your boyfriend have a scary temper? Read this.
Use Calming Techniques
You should never make serious decisions when you’re angry. When we’re emotional, our ability to think rationally is compromised. Don’t say or do anything to your boyfriend or yourself until you’ve calmed down.
The best way to do this is to practice calming techniques. There are a number of different things you can do, see if any of these appeal to you:
Going for a brisk walk outside – As mentioned above, this is a great way to calm down.
Breathing exercises – Just taking a moment to take a few deep breaths can go a long way.
Meditation – This is my preferred method of relaxing. In fact, meditating daily has had a huge positive impact on my life, so I’m a huge advocate for it.
You can find out more about how to meditate and the positive health benefits by browsing the meditation archives of the blog.
Listen to music – If you’re into music, relax with some of your favorite tunes. Avoid the slow, sad, emotional songs, keep it positive!
Identify the Triggers to Avoid Them in Future
We all get angry from time-to-time. I know I’m not going to go through the rest of my life without ever getting angry again. I do know, however, that through working on myself it’s not going to happen very often.
I’ve been able to identify the triggers that “push my buttons” and I’m able to avoid or minimize the risk of putting myself in that position.
If there are certain things your boyfriend does – either deliberately or accidentally – that push your buttons, you need to identify them.
You can then discuss these things with him. Or, when you can tell a situation is developing that’s going to annoy you, distance yourself.
Do Something Fun and Laugh
Laughing is also a really simple thing that has been scientifically proved to be good for you when you’re angry.
It releases feel-good endorphins that actually changes the chemical balance in your brain. It’s not something you can force when you’re really angry, but if you really want to snap out of your red mist, it’ll work.
Do whatever makes you laugh. Put on a comedy, call a friend who always leaves you in stitches, do whatever works for you.
The bottom line is that it’s OK to get angry now and then.
As long as you’re not in an abusive relationship, not suffering emotional abuse, or putting yourself in harm’s way – it’s how you deal with the anger that counts.
By discussing your feelings, understanding your boyfriend’s point of view, identifying why you get angry, and finding ways to calm yourself down you’ll grow as a person.
Related – If you found this post useful, check out – how to act when you’re mad at your boyfriend.
Image credits – Header image by Thomas Griesbeck, in-body image by Natalia Figueredo on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.