If your boyfriend has a bad temper and it scares you, you need to face up to a few hard questions:
- Is it worth sticking it out in this relationship?
- Are you in any serious physical danger?
- How likely is it he will get help for his anger issues?
- How remorseful is he when he cools down?
Only you know the answers to these questions. Those answers will paint a clear picture to you if you think there is a chance for your relationship going forward.
Because, if he can’t control his anger, isn’t showing any signs of admitting he has a problem and getting help, or if you’re in danger – you need to get out of this unhealthy relationship.
You need to know that you’re not alone, and there are some things you can do to help your boyfriend if you don’t want to walk away.
Here are some tips and information that might help you better understand the situation you’re in.
How to Deal With Someone Who Has a Bad Temper
Reachout.com outline the following tips as ways to deal with someone who is angry so the anger doesn’t escalate:
- Listen to what they’re saying and don’t ignore them
- Try to talk to them, but keep calm
- Back off and give them space if they need it
- Don’t push your opinions on them or give them advice, listen first
- Don’t necessarily take all the blame on yourself if it’s not warranted
You’ll know your boyfriend better than anyone. Anything you can do to calm him down, you should do. You can’t talk about it reasonably without calm heads.
Is It Normal to Be Afraid of Your Boyfriend?
No, it’s not normal to be afraid of your boyfriend.
If you’re in an abusive relationship, either mentally or physically, it may feel like it’s normal to you, but it’s not.
Part of the control an abusive partner puts on the other partner is fear. Fear to leave, to tell someone about what’s going on, to step out of line…
If you’re in this position now you will know how smothering and suffocating it feels. It probably feels like you’re stuck with him. He will likely have damaged your self-esteem as a way of controlling you.
If it’s bad, you need to get out and distance yourself from your boyfriend. Only then will you really know what it feels like not to be afraid of someone you love.
It feels great. Most importantly if feels the way it’s supposed to feel. You’re not supposed to be afraid of him, there’s no good that can come of living with this feeling.
Can Your Boyfriend Change If He Has a Bad Temper?
Yes, anyone can change. I fully believe that.
Having a bad temper or anger issues is one of the harder habits to break. It requires the person in question to admit they have a problem, and want to get help.
If your boyfriend reaches that point and truly admits he has an anger problem and is willing to get help – he can change.
This doesn’t mean it’s going to be resolved overnight though. Also, it doesn’t mean he will never get angry again.
Much like someone who has had to change another form of behavioral or personality disorder, such as gambling addiction or substance abuse, they will be in “recovery” for the rest of their lives.
Something important to be aware of; you can offer invaluable support, and often a supportive partner is the main thing that will help a person through such a problem.
But you’re not at liberty to help them if it’s too much for you. If you’re in danger, or you don’t have the emotional energy to go through this with them, don’t feel bad.
You have to look after yourself, and your boyfriend has to face up to his anger issues himself.
Most Importantly – Make Sure You’re Safe
I can’t talk about anger issues and being scared of your boyfriend without talking about the most important thing here – you need to be safe.
I’m talking about being emotionally safe as well as physically safe from harm too.
Living in fear is a form of emotional abuse. You shouldn’t be scared of your boyfriend, whether you live with him or he visits, it’s not a mental toll you should be carrying with you.
That’s the first thing to address here. Until you stop being scared by your boyfriend’s temper, you’re not safe.
Why are you scared? What is it you know he’s capable of or think he will do?
Had he ever crossed the line and got physical with you? If so, there’s no debating this, you need to leave him immediately.
You can access what you’re going to do from a distance. If he’s willing to go through the steps and get help as I’ve discussed in this article, there is hope. I’m not saying it has to be final.
But the facts are that you need to know you’re safe. That’s the most important thing here. Please be honest with yourself about this!
In Summary – Dealing With a Partner Who Has a Bad Temper
You should not stay in a relationship with someone who scares you – that’s the bottom line.
We do not deserve to live in fear of saying or doing something out of place that’s going to set a partner off. It’s not fair on you, and it’s not a healthy situation.
If your boyfriend can’t see that he has a problem and that he needs help right now, maybe he will get that wake-up call when you leave.
If he is showing signs of wanting to deal with his anger issues, then it’s worth trying to help him.
But if you ever find yourself in physical harm, get away from the relationship and don’t look back.
When someone is angry all the time – Reachout.com
Image credits – Header image by Carolina Heza, in-body image by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash