There are always red flags in a relationship – it’s whether you notice the red flags and do something about them that counts.
Don’t blame yourself if you were blinded by romance, we’ve all been there!
However, if you’re getting that gut feeling that something isn’t right, it’s time to start taking notice.
Here is a list of 21 red flags in a relationship with a woman to look out for!
21 Red Flags in a Relationship With a Woman
1. She’s Always Disagreeing with You
If your girlfriend, wife, or partner is always disagreeing with you, it’s a red flag.
It doesn’t matter whether she’s right or wrong – if she’s constantly contradicting you, it means that she isn’t respecting your opinion.
You should be able to share your opinions without feeling like you’re being attacked.
If she can’t do that, you need to get to the bottom of why she’s so combative with you.
2. She Throws Temper Tantrums when She Doesn’t Get Her Own Way
Adult temper tantrums are really frustrating to deal with. If your partner throws a tantrum when she doesn’t get her own way, it’s not a good sign.
It shows that she doesn’t have the maturity to deal with her emotions, and is probably used to getting her own way.
You need to decide if this behavior is something you’re willing to deal with in the long term.
Because regardless of what she says or how often she promises to change, I don’t think she’s going to stop throwing tantrums.
3. You Don’t Have Much in Common
When you’re in a new relationship it’s easy to spend all your time with your partner just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company.
Over time, however, if you start to realize that you don’t have anything in common it’s going to cause compatibility issues.
If you’re interested in different things and have different values, it’s going to be difficult to find common ground.
It’s not impossible, but it’s something you need to be aware of and is often a red flag in a relationship that you’ll drift apart in the future.
4. She Keeps Talking About Her Exes
If your partner is always talking about her exes, it’s a red flag.
It might not mean that she’s still interested in them, but it does mean that she hasn’t moved on from her past relationships.
You need to decide if you’re okay with that or not.
If you’re not, you need to have a talk with her about it and see if she’s willing to change her behavior.
If she isn’t, it might be a sign that the two of you are not compatible. It’s certainly going to wear on you over time hearing about her exes, I can tell you that much.
5. She’s Mean About Her Exes
In addition to talking about her exes, if she’s mean about them it’s an even bigger red flag.
It shows that she hasn’t forgiven them for whatever happened in the past and is still holding onto resentment.
That’s not a good place to be in, and it’s not a good sign for the future of your relationship.
How is she going to feel about you down the line if you hit a rocky patch? She will start to resent you?
You need to be aware of any negative behaviors that your girlfriend or wife is holding onto and think about how they shape her attitude.
6. You’ve Started Catching Her out Over Small Lies
Lying is always a red flag, no matter what the context is.
But if you’re catching your partner out over small lies, it’s an even bigger problem.
It shows that she’s not trustworthy and that she’s willing to lie about things for her own benefit, even if they’re inconsequential.
Also, if you’re catching what you see as ‘small’ lies, you have to wonder what big lies she’s getting away with or willing to use in the future.
7. She’s Always Putting You Down
If your partner is always putting you down, this is another negative behavior you could do without and also a red flag.
It doesn’t matter whether she’s joking or not – if she’s constantly making negative comments about you, it means that she has a low opinion of you (or herself).
It’s not something you – or anyone – should tolerate in a relationship.
You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you, not someone who’s always putting you down.
8. You’ve Caught Her Snooping Through Your Things
Trust is a big part of any relationship, and if you can’t trust your partner then it’s going to cause problems.
One way that trust is violated is when one person snoops through the other person’s things without permission.
This could be anything from looking through your phone to going through your emails or even snooping around in your personal belongings.
If this has happened to you, you’ll know exactly how it feels – it’s a horrible violation of trust.
It’s a huge red flag if your partner has been snooping, and not something to ignore.
9. She’s Always ‘sorry’ After an Outburst, But It Happens Again
We all have moments where we lash out or say things we don’t mean, but if your partner is constantly apologizing but never changing – it’s a red flag.
It might not be intentional, but it shows that she has a lot of anger or resentment that she’s struggling to deal with.
And if she can’t control her outbursts around you, what’s going to happen when you’re not there?
It’s not healthy or sustainable to be in a relationship with someone who has a lot of anger issues, so this is definitely something to be aware of.
10. She Doesn’t Have Many Friends
This one might not seem like a big deal at first, but if you think about it – it’s actually quite strange if there isn’t a logical explanation.
If your partner doesn’t have many friends, it might be because she’s not a very nice person.
Or, it could be because she’s so wrapped up in you that she doesn’t have time for anyone else.
Either way, it’s something to think about and definitely a little cause for concern if she’s not able to make and/or keep friends.
11. She’s Always Falling out With Her Family
If your partner is always falling out with her family, it’s another red flag.
It shows that she’s not able to maintain a good relationship with some of the most important people in her life, and also that she might not be able to deal with conflict well.
It also raises the question of why she’s always falling out – is it because of something they’re doing or because of her own issues?
Either way, it’s something to be aware of.
Related – How to deal with difficult family members!
12. You’ve Heard Her Say Negative Things About Other People
If your partner is always saying negative things about other people, it should make you wonder what she says about you!
At the very least, it shows that she’s judgmental, quick to jump to conclusions about others, and probably thinks the worst of others.
It also might mean that she’s not a very nice person, which is obviously not something you want in a partner.
12. You Can’t Find out Much About Her Past
If your partner is always evasive about her past, it’s definitely a red flag.
It might not be a big deal if she’s not keen on talking about her childhood, but if she’s refusing to talk about anything that happened before you met – it’s strange.
It could be that she’s hiding something, or it could just be that she’s not very proud of her past.
Either way, it’s something to be aware of and definitely something you should look into without being too invasive.
13. She’s Cheated on Previous Partners
If your partner has cheated on previous partners, this is also an obvious red flag and cause for concern.
It shows that she’s not loyal, that she’s willing to betray someone’s trust, and that she doesn’t think about the consequences of her actions.
It also raises the question of why she cheated – was it because of something her previous partners did or is she just not capable of being faithful?
14. She’s Lazy and Unmotivated
If your partner is lazy and unmotivated, it’s not a good sign.
It might seem like a small thing, but if she can’t be bothered to do anything with her life then it’s not likely that she’ll be able to make the effort in a relationship.
It also shows that she doesn’t have much respect for herself, which is not a desirable characteristic in a partner.
The problem is that her demotivation will also have an effect on you over time and may cause you to lose motivation, too.
15. Your Friends and Family Keep Warning You About Her
If your friends and family keep warning you about your partner, maybe it’s time you started listening to them.
They might be seeing things that you’re not, or they might just have a bad feeling about her.
Either way, it’s worth listening to their warnings and taking them seriously. Your friends and family care about you and have your best interests at heart.
16. She Disappears or Doesn’t Come Home when She Says She Will
If your partner often disappears or doesn’t come home when she says she will, you’re right to question what’s going on.
At a basic level, it shows that she’s not reliable and that she doesn’t respect your time or your feelings.
It might also mean that she’s hiding something from you, which is obviously not something you want in a relationship.
17. She’s Overly Clingy and Needy
If your partner is overly clingy and needy, it can be suffocating.
It might seem like she’s just being affectionate, but if she’s always needing your attention and approval it can quickly become overwhelming.
This behavior usually stems from insecurity, which is not a desirable quality in a partner.
It’s also one of the habits that typically doesn’t change over time. So, if she’s saying it’s just because you’ve just started going out, I wouldn’t take that as fact.
18. She Keeps Trying to Change You
If your partner is always trying to change you, it’s a relationship red flag that you absolutely have to take notice of.
It might be that she doesn’t like something about you, or it might just be that she likes the idea of changing someone.
Either way, it shows that she’s not happy with who you are and that she wants to mold you into something she wants you to be.
19. She’s Becoming More Selfish Over Time
If your partner is becoming more selfish over time, it’s definitely a warning sign.
It might not seem like a big deal at first, but if she’s constantly putting her own needs above yours it’ll start to wear thin – take it from me.
She might say that she’s just independent and doesn’t need anyone, but that’s usually just a way selfish people justify their actions.
The reality is that selfish people lack consideration for other people and only think of themselves.
20. You Get the Feeling You’re Being Gaslighted
If you’ve ever watched a movie or read a book where the protagonist is being gaslit, then you might have an idea of how devastating it can be.
For those of you who don’t know, gaslighting is when someone tries to make you question your own reality and memory.
It’s a toxic behavior that is often used by narcissists and sociopaths as a way to control and manipulate their victims.
If you get the feeling that your partner is gaslighting you, it’s important to trust your instincts and do something about it right away.
21. Your Gut Is Telling You that She Just Doesn’t Care About You
If you’ve been in a relationship with your partner for a while and your gut is telling you that she just doesn’t care about you, then it might be time to listen to your intuition.
Of course, it’s possible that your gut is wrong and she does care about you.
But if some of the points on this list are true, then chances are that she is not right for you.
No matter how happy you are when you’re together or how much you’re in love, you need to pay attention to how you feel and all of the red flags that are in front of you!
Image credits – Photo by Ryan Jacobson on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.