I’ve heard it a lot; “my husband doesn’t come home when he says he will” … “he’s always late and doesn’t care about how I feel”.
Let’s get something straight, if your husband rarely comes home on time and never explains himself – it’s nothing short of rude.
In fact, it’s a form of emotional abuse.
It’s not a lot to ask for your husband to text or call you if he’s going to be late.
Not to mention that unless he has some special circumstances in his life (like being an entrepreneur), he shouldn’t be consistently late coming home.
If you’re at your wits’ end with your husband’s late behavior, here are some tips on how to deal with it – and (hopefully) make him change his ways:
How Do I React When My Husband Comes Home Late?
The wrong way to react when your husband comes home late is to scream, shout, throw things, or however you display your anger.
That’s just going to give him a reason to say, ”this is why I don’t want to come home.”
The same applies to accusing him of cheating or hanging out with other women and being up to no good.
Nobody wants to be accused of something, and it’s not doing you any favors making accusations with nothing more than the fact that he’s always late as ‘evidence’.
The correct way to react when your husband comes home late is to ask if you can talk to him.
Find a quiet moment when emotions are not running high, and ask him why he’s always late.
You don’t have to accept any excuses, but you should also be careful not to make him feel like he’s being interrogated, checked up on, or accused of anything.
You might not get the answers you want the first time, it’s usually a work in progress.
But with cool heads, good communication, and a willingness on both of your parts to resolve this issue for the good of your relationship – it shouldn’t be something you can’t resolve.
Related – Is your husband’s female friend ruining your marriage?
How Can I Get My Husband to Come Back Home on Time?
There are no promises here, but there are a lot of things you can do to try and encourage your husband to respect your feelings and start coming home on time.
Some of the things you can do are:
Ask Him Why He’s Always Late
I’m sure you’ve already done this – probably more than once – but the first step is to hear from his own mouth why he’s always late.
You need to approach this conversation from a curious or factual standpoint. Don’t be confrontational, and don’t accuse him of anything or say anything that’ll annoy him.
It’s important you really get to the bottom of it and at least have him give you one or more reasons why he’s late home so you can understand his behavior.
Find a Reasonable Resolution
The next step is to find reasonable resolutions to the reasons he’s given you for why he’s always late home.
I say ‘reasonable’ because what you think is an acceptable solution, might not be for your husband.
For example, if he says he’s always late home because he simply ‘loses track of time’, then setting an alarm on his phone or calling him might not be what he wants.
Instead, you can start by telling him how much it’s upsetting him and ask him to be more mindful about the time when he’s out.
For most men, this should be enough to help them straighten up or at least make an improvement.
If it’s not, you can then go to ‘Plan B’ and try to work out a different solution that he does take notice of.
Don’t Keep On at Him
The worst thing you can do is nag, harass, or continually bug your husband about being home late.
If you do, it’s more than likely it’s just going to make him rebel and come home even later.
No matter how frustrating it is, you have to be patient with your husband while trying to improve his timekeeping.
In fact, sometimes silence says more than words. If you demonstrate you’re disappointed and upset, rather than angry, it’s likely to hit him deeper.
Set some boundaries and make it clear he’s crossing a line by being home late.
Related – Does your husband also sleep on the couch? Read this post!
Give Him Good Reason to Be on Time
I’m not suggesting you should roll out the red carpet. But you do need to take a close look at why your husband isn’t coming home on time, and what, if anything, could change that.
Some men dread coming home. It may be to do with how they feel about the relationship, because your friends are there, or any number of reasons why he doesn’t feel comfortable.
If he opens up and tells you what it is that’s making him stay out longer, or what would motivate him to come home sooner, make sure you listen.
If what your husband is saying is reasonable and makes sense, see what you can do to appease him.
Let Him Know How It’s Making You Feel
Most importantly, you have to communicate with your husband about how his behavior is making you feel.
He may be blind or insensitive to just how much this is affecting you.
I’m not making excuses for him, but it’s very likely he’s just not thinking of you when he’s hanging out late.
In fact, it’s pretty obvious he isn’t, right. So, paint a picture for him. Explain how you’re stressing, pacing around, thinking something bad might have happened, etc.
If this doesn’t hit a nerve or act as some kind of wake-up call, your husband clearly has some emotional issues and isn’t able to engage with you on this level.
Image credits – Photo by Fabrice Villard on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.