I’ve heard it a bunch of times, ” my husband keeps falling asleep on the couch, should I be worried?”
There is no one reason or cause for someone sleeping on the couch, so obviously I can’t advise you on your exact situation.
What I can do is cover the most common reasons why a man starts falling asleep on the couch and what you should do about it.
Hopefully, one or more of these reasons will ring true for you and help you get to the bottom of why your husband falls asleep on the couch – and get you both back to a place that you’re happy with.
6 Reasons Why Your Husband Might Be Sleeping on the Couch
He Doesn’t Want to Disturb Your Sleep
Starting off on a positive note, your husband might be choosing to fall asleep on the couch to give you a better night’s sleep.
Are you a light sleeper? Does he often come to bed later than you and disturb you? Have you made any subtle – or not so subtle – comments about him disturbing you in the night?
If so, and if your husband is the kind of guy who doesn’t like discussing things openly, it’s possible he thinks he’s doing the best thing by you.
You’ve Had an Argument and He’s Giving You Space
If you’ve had an argument, disagreement, or there is obviously some tension between the two of you, it’s possible he’s giving the both of you some space while it blows over.
People handle conflict differently. While it might seem drastic to not even be in the same room as you overnight, it’s also quite a sensible play for the both of you to get a good night’s sleep and talk about it with calmer heads.
There Are Problems Within the Relationship
It often feels a little bit strange to bring this up to couples, but honestly, a lot of people are often in denial that there is anything wrong with their relationship.
You need to be honest with yourself for a moment and ask yourself, “are things really going great for the both of you?”
Put yourself in your husband’s shoes, too. Is he as happy as you are, are you as happy as he is, are you both really as happy as you think you are?
He’s Feeling Self-Conscious About Something
Sleeping in the same bed is an intimate thing that can bring self-conscious issues and insecurities to the surface.
Even if you’ve been married for a number of years, it’s not unusual for a partner to become self-conscious of their bodies or something else.
After all, we’re always aging and Our appearance is changing. If nothing obvious has changed recently, it’s possible that your husband is going through some sort of self-conscious crisis and needs a bit of reassurance.
He’s Dealing With Mental Issues
There is still a lot of stigma around mental health, and guys find it a lot more difficult to talk about and the mental health struggles, especially with their partners.
Is your husband under a lot of stress at work at the moment? Do you even talk about work? Does he have family issues, issues with friends, or anything else playing on his mind right now?
If so, some guys deal with this better by being alone. But this is the worst way he can deal with stress, depression, anxiety, and any other mental health struggles.
If this is the cause for him falling asleep on the sofa, it’s important you find a way to get him to open up to either you or a professional about what’s bothering him.
He’s Trying to Get a Better Night Sleep
It’s not just you that needs to get a good night’s sleep, your partner does too. If he’s not getting quality sleep in the marital bed, he might be deliberately falling asleep on the couch.
Whether it’s due to his own problems or insomnia, or you’re disturbing him, something needs to be resolved as sleeping on the couch is not good for his long-term health.
How to Stop Your Husband Sleeping on the Couch and Back Into Bed With You You
It’s quite upsetting for most couples to get to the point where one person is sleeping on the couch or in another room and not in the marital bed.
Unfortunately, it’s an all too common problem, as people find it hard to openly talk about why this is happening and what can be done to resolve it.
It’s certainly better for the relationship, and your husband’s general health if you discuss it and resolve whatever is causing him to sleep on the couch.
Here are some tips as to how you can go about bringing up the topic with your husband and finding a solution:
Identify and Understand the Underlying Cause
To be able to resolve any problem you need to understand the underlying cause. Hopefully, the list above has given you enough to work with you to be able to do that.
But ultimately, everyone is different and you know your husband better than anyone else. Before offering solutions and making suggestions, make sure you fully understand why he’s sleeping on the couch.
Talk Openly to Him About the Reason
You’re going to have to do the thing that he’s probably avoiding and that most couples find incredibly difficult – you have to have an open and honest talk with him.
As long as you approach it sensitively, without judgment, and listen more than you talk, he should open up to you or at least give you some clues.
Reassure Him and Don’t Be Judgemental
Regardless of how frustrating this is for you and how closed off your husband is, it’s important you don’t judge him or make any negative remarks.
It’s very likely that his reasoning is not going to make a lot of sense to you, but that doesn’t mean he’s in the wrong or he can just snap out of it.
Be a good listener, a positive voice In his ear, And reassure him and whatever it takes you’re there to help him deal with whatever issues he is going through.
Look for a Compromise if Necessary
If the reason why he’s sleeping on the couch it’s to do with something like needing a better night’s sleep, him worrying about disturbing you, or anything else you both can compromise on – make that compromise.
It’s not healthy for him to sleep on the couch, and you clearly don’t want him to. Maybe you can be more tolerant of him disturbing you, wear earplugs, or do something else so he feels more comfortable.
Put the Spark Back in Your Relationship if Needed
It would be remiss of me if I didn’t point out the obvious here. If you’ve been married altogether for any length of time, things might not be as hot as they used to be in the bedroom, right?
This is nothing to be embarrassed about. Seeing your husband sleeping on the couch night after night instead of in your bed might just be the sign you need that it’s time to put the spark back into a relationship.
I won’t go into details in this post about what you should do. You know your husband better than anyone, I’m sure you can think of something that would entice him to come back and sleep in the marital bed.
Is It Bad to Sleep on a Couch Every Night?
Sleeping on the couch now and then shouldn’t have a negative effect on someone’s long-term physical health, but it’s not ideal.
Couches and not designed to be slept on. Even though they are really comfy for the most part, they lack the support needed.
Sleeping on the couch puts you at greater risk of neck or backache than a bed. Which, anyone who suffers from either of these will tell you that it can be incredibly annoying and painful.
In addition to this, most couches do not provide enough room for someone to move freely in their sleep which can cause other creeks, aches, and pains.
Image credits – Photo by Shane on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.