It has to be one of the worst feelings in the world knowing or suspecting that your partner is cheating on you.
If there’s one feeling that’s worse, it may be finding out that your partner is cheating on you with someone of the same sex.
It opens up all kinds of questions;
- Should you have known this was a possibility and noticed something before?
- Is it something you’ve done for them to change direction like this?
- Have they been stringing you along this whole time?
Then you have all the normal questions someone has when they find out their partner is cheating; such as, why did it happen? What should you do? Was it your fault? etc
Before you jump to any wild conclusions, if you’re still in the suspicion phase, there are some obvious (and not so obvious) signs to look out for that will help confirm your suspicions – or hopefully help you realize you’ve got it all wrong.
Here are a bunch of signs to look out for that your husband may be cheating, or getting a little too close to another man:
14 Signs Your Husband Is Cheating With Another Man
He Has No Interest in Being Intimate
Intimacy is one of the first things to go when a partner is cheating, whether it’s with someone of the same or opposite gender.
It’s hard to fake wanting to be intimate. If your partner has been making excuses, not been making any effort, and is clearly not as interested in being intimate as they once were, it’s definitely a red flag.
Related – Is your husband sleeping on the couch a lot?
He’s Being Secretive About His Phone Messages
One of the most obvious modern-day signs that someone is cheating is that they’re being secretive about who they’re speaking to on their phone.
If you’ve noticed a change in your husband’s behavior, such as starting to hide his phone, placing it facedown or keeping it out of sight, or trying to send sneaky texts without you noticing, you’re right to be curious.
He Keeps Talking About How Cool, Fun, and Interesting His Male ‘Friend’ Is
Having a best friend or a bit of a man-crush on another guy is one thing. Continually talking about a guy friend, especially to you, has been a red flag a lot of women wish they’d taken notice of.
If it feels like he can’t stop talking about how amazing another guy is when he should be talking about how amazing you are, look for some of the other signs that it may be more than just a man crush.
He’s Putting Hanging Out With Another Man Before You
I’m not going to be ignorant to the fact that loads of guys put spending time with their mates before their girlfriends or wives.
What they shouldn’t do, however, is consistently put seeing a guy friend before seeing you. Especially when we’re talking about evenings, late nights, and canceling plans with you to see them.
Related – What to do if your husband is ignoring you.
He’s Developing a Circle of Gay Friends
Let me be blunt, it’s unusual – although not impossible – for a middle-aged, married man to suddenly start hanging out with a group of gay guys.
If your husband is spending less time with straight guys and more time with gay guys you certainly need to have a conversation as to why, and what is piquing his interest.
He’s Changed His Appearance a Lot Suddenly
This is another one of the classic signs that a married man is either going through some sort of midlife crisis, or he is straight-up having an affair – with either a man or woman.
Maybe he started taking a lot more pride in his appearance, or maybe he’s radically changed how he looks. Either way, there will be a reason behind this sudden change in appearance that you should explore.
He’s Keen to Point Out That He Is Definitely Not Gay
Whenever somebody is hiding something, they’re always paranoid to some extent that people know.
If your husband seems to always be telling you or reinforcing that he’s not gay, or maybe even displays some disdain to those who are, this may well be a sign that he is hiding the fact that he is.
Everything You Do Seems to Annoy Him Now
Does your husband seem to be annoyed by some of your habits and mannerisms?
No one likes to feel like they’re annoying their other half, especially if those things that are annoying them used to be things they liked about you.
This is usually a sign that someone has had a change of heart. Or more so, that their heart is in a different place.
He’s Suddenly Passionate About New Hobbies and Interests
Has your husband suddenly become very interested in things that you thought he would have never been interested in?
Things like hobbies, pastimes, sports, places to go, etc. Moreso does their newfound interests happen to be the same interests that one of their good male friends has?
If so, it’s likely they’re trying to impress someone else or are being guided by them to get involved in similar hobbies to them.
He’s Asking You How You Think Your Relationship Is Going
When one partner starts asking the other how they think the relationship is going, there is clearly something on their mind – and it’s not usually good.
They often want you to be the first to say that you think something isn’t right. It’s a coward’s way out, but it’s also an inroad for you to open up communication with them about how you’re feeling.
He Doesn’t Like You Doing Nice Things for Him
When someone is cheating, whether that is physically or just emotionally at this point, they often start to feel guilty.
One of the ways this manifests is often feeling bad when you do nice things for them. Your husband should be excited, grateful, and return the gesture when you do something nice – not be annoyed or put out by it.
He Gauges Your Opinion on What You Think About People Cheating
Another way a cheating husband will try and reconcile what he’s doing, whether this is with a man or a woman, is to try and understand how you’re going to react when you find out.
He may start asking you ‘hypothetical’ questions about what you would do or what you think about people who cheat on their spouses with someone of the same sex.
Related – Are things getting awkward between you and your husband? Read this.
He Gets Overly Defensive if You Question Him About Things
Another giveaway that someone is feeling guilty about something is how they act when you question them about things to do with how they’re behaving.
It could even be simple things not related to whether or not they’re cheating. When someone has something to hide, it’s always in the back of their mind that you may suspect something.
His Mannerisms and Behaviours Are Changing
If your partner’s mannerisms and behaviors are changing, there is always going to be a reason behind it. If he’s changing in any way, that, well, leads you to believe that he’s cheating with another man, you’re right to be suspicious.
Don’t just ignore it, find out what the influence is that is pushing him to make these changes. Certain mannerisms you might be seeing, too, I think you’ll know if you’re seeing them.
Image credits – Photo by Honey Fangs on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.