When we’re upset or crying, some comfort goes a long way, right? Especially from a boyfriend or significant other.
Not everyone wants a hug. Some people like to be given some space, and some just want their boyfriends to be attentive and listen. It really depends on the person and the situation.
What no one wants, however, is to be ignored.
Yet, some guys react to seeing their partner being upset by ignoring them. It’s really frustrating and can be hurtful.
It helps to find out why they react like this. Once you understand why they choose to ignore you when you’re crying, you can speak with them and change their behavior – hopefully!
Either way, it’s important you start by understanding your boyfriend’s position. To help you out, here are some of the common reasons why boyfriends ignore their girlfriends when they’re crying:
He Is Lacking Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share emotions and feelings with other people. If your boyfriend has no, or very little empathy for others, it will not be emotionally affected by seeing you cry.
It’s not always a bad thing. It just means they don’t feel what you’re feeling and can’t relate to you. It’s a tough one to deal with in a relationship and causes some obstacles.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s not the worst reason why they may be ignoring you. It’s not easy for people to become more empathetic though, so don’t expect him to change any time soon.
He Has Difficulty Dealing With Emotions
A lot of men find it difficult to deal with their – and your – emotions. While putting your arm around someone who is upset may come naturally, to some men it’s incredibly difficult.
What you need to ask yourself here is how your boyfriend acts when faced with other emotional situations.
Does he get upset and cry? If so, how does he handle it? If he doesn’t get upset or keeps it to himself when he does, then that’s a sign he has difficulty dealing with emotions.
If it’s just when you’re crying he’s distant and ignoring you, it’s more likely to be due to one of the other reasons on this list.
Related – Do you feel awkward around your husband.
He’s Tired of Seeing Your Cry
To add more context to this situation; how often do you cry? If you cry fairly often (I’m not judging) then your boyfriend might be getting tired of expending that energy being concerned about you, you know?
There are only so many times he can jump to your side and be the concerned boyfriend. If it’s a frequent thing, or if he feels like you’re getting upset over ‘trivial’ things (to him at least) he might start ignoring you.
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. I do know for a fact though that the more some women cry, the less sympathetic a guy gets.
He’s Tired of You (the Relationship)
One of the main signs that a man has checked out of a relationship is when he stops caring as much. If he’s not interested when you’re upset, there’s definitely something missing there.
Of course, this isn’t proof in itself. Look for some of the other signs that your boyfriend is tired of you and the relationship before jumping to conclusions.
Related – Signs he’s tired of you and the relationship.
He Doesn’t Know What to Do
Again, it helps to know more about you and your boyfriend to narrow down the reason why he ignores you when you’re crying. You’ll know better than anyone how equipped he is to offer support when you’re upset.
If he’s just awkward or clueless when it comes to comfort you in general – what do you expect him to do when you’re crying?
Some guys need a little help, you might have to explain to him what kind of comforting you need when you’re upset. Nothing wrong with that – as long as he listens, learns, and tries to comfort you in the future.
Why Does My Husband Not Comfort Me When I Cry?
There are a number of reasons why your husband, boyfriend, or partner might not comfort you when you’re crying.
It’s usually due to one or more of the reasons I listed above. Such as lacking empathy, being unsure of what to do, being annoyed by you, and so on.
The important thing is that you do not get angry at them. Take a moment to calm yourself down, and talk to them about it. Ask them directly why they don’t comfort you, and read between the lines taking into account their general behavior towards you.
Why Does My Husband Walk Away When I Cry?
Again, it’s sad when you’re at your most vulnerable and in need of comfort, and your husband walks away and leaves you.
It shows he’s clearly dealing with some issues. If it’s his fault that you’re crying, this shows he has some disdain or is emotionally distanced from how he’s treating you.
If you’re crying for another reason and he doesn’t even comfort you, this could just mean he finds it difficult to comfort you.
Why Does My Husband Get Angry When I Cry?
A lot of guys get angry when they see their partner crying, it’s actually not that uncommon. It’s usually because when faced with a stressful or confusing situation – which seeing you upset can be – they enter ‘fight-or-flight’ mode.
Fight-or-flight refers to a physiological response most people go through when faced with a stressful situation.
It basically means they either run or get aggressive and meet the situation head-on. It actually ties all the way back to our prehistoric ancestors, when fight-or-flight really was the difference between life and death.
Obviously, there isn’t as much on the line in today’s day-to-day life, but we still have that built-in response. Doesn’t provide a lot of comfort, but it certainly helps you better understand your man.
Image credits – Photo by Dev Asangbam and Christiana Rivers on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.