If your boyfriend doesn’t have a job and you’re paying for everything and supporting him financially, naturally it’s going to put a strain on the relationship.
Financial inequity in a relationship is the second leading cause for couples splitting, it’s a serious issue.
The main question here is; is your boyfriend taking advantage of your generosity and kindness?
Financially, relationships are never going to be 50/50. But the further that pendulum swings from things being equal, the bigger the issue it’s going to be.
If you’re tired and fed up with supporting your boyfriend, here’s what you need to do and where your relationship is heading:
Is It Okay to Help Your Boyfriend Financially?
First of all, it’s okay to help out your boyfriend financially. Just as it’s okay for him to help you out if the tables were turned.
When you’re in a relationship and you love someone, it’s normal to want to help them.
What’s not okay is financially supporting your boyfriend if he’s not being financially mature and doing everything he can to help himself.
Anyone can find themselves without a job or in need of money. I’ll never come down hard on someone for falling on hard times.
What I do come down hard on people for is causing their own financial issues through repeatedly making bad choices, and not taking the right steps to correct their situation.
You need to take a serious look at your relationship and financial situation.
If your boyfriend is taking advantage of your kindness, you need to put a stop to it.
I’m not suggesting you throw him out on the streets, but by giving him money you’re financially enabling him and causing him to become more dependent on you.
Related – Does your boyfriend spend any money he gets on himself? (Here’s what to do!)
The Effect of Money Imbalance in Relationships
Money imbalance, money issues, financial problems, however you want to term it, financial problems in a relationship are the second leading cause of divorce in the U.S.
I know you’re not married right now, but I wasn’t able to find reliable stats for the effect of money issues between partners.
It’s safe to assume it’s similar though. Plus, this is a clear indication of where things are heading if you are planning on getting married.
Oh, and for those wondering what the leading cause of divorce in the U.S. is; that’s infidelity.
It’s hard to have a relationship where everything is split 50/50, and this certainly isn’t something financial experts recommend doing.
It’s unlikely you’ll both earn roughly the same amount, and it’s very unlikely you’ll both have the same expenses and financial goals.
But, at the very least – and especially when you’re young in your relationship – you both need to be able to support yourselves.
When one person supports the other, which in this case is you, it puts a lot of pressure on you and stress on the relationship.
The ways your boyfriend can do his part to relieve as much stress as possible is to:
- Not ask or expect any financial support
- Try his absolute hardest to get a job
- Be sincere about ‘making things right’ in the future if he can
- Reassure you that he would be doing the same if the tables were turned
It really comes down to your individual circumstances, for some couples one partner supporting the other is unavoidable for a certain period of time.
How Does Your Boyfriend Feel About Being Unemployed?
One of the key questions here is; how does your boyfriend feel about being unemployed and you supporting him?
Most men take being unemployed hard. Really hard.
Being unemployed threatens their masculinity, makes them feel worthless or less of a man than their friends, and it bothers them that they’re not able to provide.
While you definitely do not want your boyfriend to spiral into depression – dealing with that is a separate issue – having him feel these emotions are better than him not caring.
If your boyfriend is trying his hardest to find work, it’s hard to fault him.
Job loss is a part of life. I’ve lost a handful of jobs during my career, I know how it feels – as I’m sure many of you reading this also do.
If you love your boyfriend, supporting him while he’s going through a tough time isn’t the issue, right?
The issue is supporting a boyfriend who doesn’t care that he’s unemployed, isn’t trying his hardest to find a job, and is fine with you supporting him.
If I’ve just described your boyfriend, I understand your frustrations.
I’m sorry to tell you that unless you can make him see sense, the future doesn’t look good.
Is It Bad That I Pay For Everything in My Relationship?
It’s only bad that you pay for everything if your boyfriend or partner is taking advantage of you.
If your partner has found themselves in hard times – or maybe they’re studying, etc. – then supporting them (within reason) is perfectly fine.
You can’t keep receipts and expect them to pay everything back one day, unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.
But if you’re comfortable in the knowledge that your partner would do the same for you if your roles were reversed, that’s something.
And, you never know how things might turn out in the future. One day you might just be looking to them for support.
Financially supporting someone else is frustrating and can take a heavy toll on a relationship – but it’s also part of being in a relationship, within reason.
Image credits – Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.