Does your husband have a female friend that is ruining your marriage?
First of all, you’re not alone.
This is a common relationship issue that is, unfortunately, the cause of many arguments. Or worse, the catalyst for the breakup of a marriage.
The good news is, there is a lot you can do to avoid arguing about your husband’s female friend or allowing her to cause a rift in your marriage.
Interaction and having friends of the opposite sex, even in marriage, is something that we all have to accept.
It’s how we manage these friendships – both on your part, and the part of your husband – that determines whether or not the ‘other’ woman causes problems in your marriage.
Here are some tips for how married men (and women) can have friends of the opposite sex without it causing problems in the marriage:
Is It Ok for a Married Man to Have a Female Best Friend?
This is always a tough question to answer because it depends on who you ask, the nature of the friendship, and some other factors.
There are plenty of people who are adamant that a married man can’t, or shouldn’t have a female best friend.
And, there are certainly plenty of women who will tell you that their marriages were ruined by thinking their husband’s relationship with another woman was platonic.
On the other side, there are also plenty of women who will say it’s perfectly fine for a married man to have a female best friend – and their husbands are proof of that.
I think the real answer here isn’t as simple as ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
It really comes down to what kind of friendship your husband has with the other woman.
There is such a thing as an inappropriate relationship, and it is on him to be aware of the signs that his relationship with the other woman may be approaching inappropriate boundaries.
Out of respect for you and your marriage, your husband should not be putting his friendship with his best friend over you.
He should not be flirting, getting too close, meeting, or talking with her behind your back, or lying to you for any reason.
The bottom line; some men are perfectly capable of having a female best friend and understand how to balance that with their marriage.
Unfortunately, however, some men are not.
How Do I Accept My Husband’s Female Friend?
Pushing back against your husband or trying to stop him from having female friends is only going to push him to operate in secrecy.
Strong relationships are built on trust, and without any reason to doubt him, you’re going to have to trust him.
If you’re struggling to accept your husband’s female friend, these tips will help:
Get To Know Her
Without inserting yourself into their business where it’s not wanted, it’s important you welcome his friend and get to know her.
The more she knows and trusts you, the more likely she is to respect your relationship with your husband.
Although you will never be her best friend or share that bond she has with your husband, being good friends with his friends will strengthen your relationship.
Agree on Appropriate Boundaries
You’re well within your rights as his wife to talk about what you think – or know – appropriate boundaries are.
I’m not suggesting you limit the amount of time your husband can see his friend or under what circumstances, but there are certainly some reasonable boundaries to be set.
First of all, you need to make it clear that you come first. He may have known his best friend for longer than you, but you’re the one he married.
Flirting is also a no-no, no matter how playful it is. Even if you think it’s OK right now, it will grate on your nerves in time.
Be open about how his relationship with the other woman feels. Your husband should be willing to do what it takes to make sure you’re comfortable with his relationship.
Easier said than done a lot of the time, right?
You have to trust your husband if you’re going to be comfortable with his relationship and accept his female friend.
Without trust, you’re going to constantly worry about what he’s up to, you’ll manifest things in your mind that aren’t true, and your behavior will drive your husband away and make things worse.
The way to build trust is to talk openly about your concerns. Don’t check up on your husband, sneak a peek at his phone, or accuse him of anything.
Building trust is one of the most challenging aspects of a relationship, especially when one’s partner has friends of the opposite sex – but you absolutely have to work on it.
Is His Female Friend Deliberately Causing Problems?
Something else I have to address is when another woman is deliberately trying to cause problems in a marriage – in this instance, your marriage.
There can be a number of reasons for this. But the most common are due to the other woman either being jealous of your happiness or wanting to be with your husband.
If this is clearly the case, then you do have to handle the situation differently and with some haste.
You absolutely have to talk to your husband about it and point out why you think this way.
He may be blind to it or try to deny it, but I’m assuming at this point you have some ‘evidence’ she is trying to cause problems in your marriage.
If the problems are there and you lay them out in front of your husband, he has to be able to acknowledge them.
Just be careful not to bring it up in a confrontational or judgemental way. Focus on your marriage and talk about how the two of you are getting along, not the direct actions of his friend.
This will help him take a look at how he feels her actions are affecting you and the relationship, with him feeling like he needs to defend his female friend.
Image credits – Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash Save
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.