Seeing another woman flirting with your husband is nothing short of uncomfortable and inappropriate in most cases.
There is some science behind the fact that single women are more attracted to married men than they are to single men, so flirting is something you should nip in the bud.
As his wife, you need to be careful how you approach dealing with this unwanted flirting. You don’t want to come across as a possessive, jealous, angry wife.
In this article, I’m covering some of the ways how to handle a woman flirting with your husband so that you can put a stop to her flirty behavior – with class.
How to Handle a Woman Flirting With Your Husband
Subtly Let Her Know You Are Aware That She’s Flirting
Women flirt with men to get a reaction. They’re typically going to either get a positive reaction from a man, and that will make them feel better about themselves, or if they get no reaction they’ll persist.
So, letting a woman know that you are aware of what they’re doing is a good way to put them in check and put a stop to it.
You don’t always want to come across as confrontational or aggressive as it paints you in a bad light. At first, a small subtle sign that you are aware of what they’re doing and it needs to stop should be enough.
You give her a ‘look’. I’m sure you are aware of what I mean by that! Or, you could just make a comment like, ‘that was cute’, or ‘do you say that to all the guys’. Anything that will get the message across.
Not-so-Subtly Let Her Know You Are Aware That She’s Flirting
Sometimes being subtle just doesn’t work. If that’s the case, then you’re going to need to be more blatant towards the woman flirting with your husband about letting her know you’re aware of what she’s doing.
This doesn’t mean you have to do something to stop her. As I will explain throughout this article, it’s not always going to be on you to put a stop to it.
It is important to let the other woman know that you are aware that she’s flirting though, to see if this makes her change her behavior.
Without being aggressive or coming across like you’re offended and anyway, I would simply say something like, ‘do you always flirt with other women’s husbands?”
You can’t get much more direct than that. How she replies to you will give you a pretty good insight into what her intentions were, too.
Don’t React in the Moment
As hard as it is, the one thing you should not do is react the moment you see someone flirting with your husband.
Not only do you need to be sure that the person is flirting – I know it might be obvious – they want a reaction if they’re doing it in front of you.
The one thing you absolutely don’t want to do is come across like a crazy over-possessive, jealous wife. Trust me, it’ll reflect better on you if you handle it in any of the other ways I’m covering.
Watch Carefully How Your Husband Reacts
Sometimes it takes two to flirt – or at least one person can be encouraging in the other. Before putting all of the blame on the other woman for flirting, it might be worth taking a step back and seeing how your husband is behaving.
If your husband is encouraging flirting, especially if he’s flirting back, then you have a larger problem.
Ask Your Husband if He Thinks She’s Flirting
Following on from watching how your husband reacts, you should ask him – when the other woman is not around – if he thinks she’s flirting or not.
You know your husband better than anyone else, so it’s going to come down to you to judge how he reacts to this question.
If he’s in complete denial when he obviously knows that she’s flirting, or worse if he said she’s not and you shouldn’t say anything to her, you have to question his motivation as well as hers.
See if She Flirts With Everyone
I’m not suggesting it’s ok if this woman flirts with everyone, but it does make a difference to how you should approach her if she is a flirty person in general.
If it’s only your husband she seems to flirt with, then obviously she seems to be unable to hide the fact that she likes your husband.
If she flirts with everyone, then it’s more of a personality trait – and unfortunately, it may be harder for her to change her ways.
Give Her the Benefit of the Doubt
There is a thin line between coming across like an overprotective, jealous wife – and being walked all over by someone openly flirting with your husband.
To avoid being seen as ‘the bad guy’, it’s often a good idea to give someone the benefit of the doubt at first.
Maybe she’s not intentionally flirting. It’s possible she said something that has been misinterpreted, it may be a one, or a two-off, who knows, she may even be having a manic day and acting out of character.
The bottom line is – don’t jump on a woman and defend your husband at the first sign that someone is flirting with your husband.
Ask Your Friends if They’ve Noticed the Same Thing
I’m not suggesting you’re wrong, but sometimes we can see things differently than other people.
Before doing anything drastic, it’s a good idea to ask your friends who have witnessed the same behavior if they also think this woman is flirting with your husband. If they confirm what you’ve been thinking, that’s reassuring.
Look at the Larger Picture to See if She’s up to Something
If you’ve established that this woman is deliberately flirting with your husband, you should take a look at the bigger picture to see if anything else is going on.
I’m not trying to scare you, and please don’t jump to any conclusions. But it could be a red flag indicating that something is going on between the two of them.
Let’s be honest, most people enjoy flirting. It feels good to see that someone is interested in you, and it only takes a moment of weakness for flirting to escalate into something more.
Take It as a Compliment
This is going to sound like a stretch for most reading this, but I know a couple of women right now who actually enjoy seeing other women flirt with their husbands.
This is because they are 100% secure in their relationships, whether that’s right or wrong.
If you don’t want to deal with the confrontation, or simply don’t feel the need to do anything about it, the only thing you can do is take flirting as a compliment so it doesn’t annoy you.
If It’s Making You Uncomfortable, Talk to Her
If you’re one of the women that do not take flirting with your husband as a compliment, either you or your husband are going to have to talk to the other woman.
Unless your husband makes it completely obvious to her that he doesn’t want her flirting with him, it’s safe to assume that is not just going to stop.
How you approach this topic with the woman is going to come down to your individual situation. But I would take on board some of the advice I shared earlier and approach the topic sensitively.
Ask Your Husband to Talk to the Woman
It shouldn’t always be down to you to talk to the other woman. After all, she’s flirting directly with your husband, not with you.
If it’s clearly annoying you and is inappropriate behavior from the woman, your husband should have enough respect for your feelings to speak to the woman.
Obviously, it’s not an easy topic to approach. If he’s uncomfortable talking to her directly, the least he can do is be more obvious with his body language that he doesn’t appreciate the flirting.
Image credits – Photo by Eliott Reyna on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.