There are few things that will ruin a nice meal out or a drink with your husband more than an overly flirty waitress crossing that professional customer-waitress line.
It’s not as simple of a situation to deal with as another woman flirting with your husband either.
Let’s be blunt about something here;
Being a waitress is all about people skills and delivering a level of service that makes the patron leave the biggest tip.
There are of course situations where a waitress will genuinely have an interest in someone they’re serving – they’re only human after all.
But either way, if you’re out with your husband for a nice time and a waitress is flirting with him, it’s not acceptable.
Here are some tips (pun intended) on how you should handle a waitress flirting with your husband so you get the message across to her that it’s not on – while not coming across as the ‘jealous wife’.
What Should You Do When the Waitress Flirts With Your Husband? (7 Tips!)
First of All – Keep Cool
I’m assuming that the waitress is aware that you’re also at the table when she’s flirting, so it’s likely she wants to test your reaction – or she just doesn’t care.
I know some women reading this will not agree with me, and I also know how difficult it is to bite your lip, but it’s important that you keep your cool and don’t react in the moment.
You will just come off as the jealous wife who is overreacting, your husband will feel awkward, and the waitress will feel good about herself.
Instead, it’s better that you act although you’re not bothered by it at all. If your husband does too, the waitress is going to be the only one feeling awkward.
Pay Attention to How Your Husband Is Reacting
How your husband reacts to a waitress flirting has a bigger impact on you than the waitress’s behavior should.
Different couples handle situations like this differently, there is certainly a right and a wrong way for your husband to deal with it.
If your husband is encouraging it when he’s clearly aware that it’s bothering you, his behavior is out of line.
If he feels a little embarrassed or awkward or isn’t that kind of person to confront it, there is nothing wrong with that and you shouldn’t be too hard on him.
Remember – Waitresses Work for Tips
The reason why a waitress is more likely to flirt with your husband than a random woman – and also the reason why it’s harder to read – is because waitresses want to be left tips.
I’ve worked in the hospitality industry and to be perfectly blunt about this when female waitresses flirt with male patrons they are more likely to be left a larger tip.
Obviously, flirting with a married man it’s a huge “no-no” under normal circumstances.
But flirting for tips is a different thing; the waitresses have bills to pay and probably (almost certainly) have no actual interest in your husband.
This doesn’t make it OK. They should still act professionally and be respectful seeing you sitting with your husband. But unfortunately, it’s just not always the case.
Talk to Your Husband About It
You should always be able to talk openly to your husband about any situation that is upsetting you or making you feel uncomfortable.
Seeing another woman – waitress or not – flirt with him in front of you is certainly something you should talk about.
Let him know how you feel, and ask him how he feels about the situation.
Don’t let it just pass it off with something like, “She’s just a waitress doing her job,” or “I didn’t even notice”. It’s more than that.
You have the right to be able to enjoy a meal or drink out with your husband without the waitress flirting with him and ruining the experience.
Make it clear how you would like him to support you in dealing with the situation if it happens again. Shouldn’t have an issue doing so.
You Could Make a Comment to the Waitress..
I’m not always a huge advocate for being confrontational in the heat of the moment – but sometimes it is necessary.
If the waitress is flirting and it’s putting a damper on your evening out together, you’re well within your rights to say something.
How you say something and what you say is the important thing though.
You want to be assertive and direct, without coming across as jealous, upset, bothered in any way.
Basically, you want the waitress to know that she’s behaving inappropriately and neither you nor your husband are impressed by it.
For example, you could say something like, “Do you always flirt with married men?”, or “We’re going to tip anyway, flirting isn’t necessary” or, “We’re trying to enjoy a special evening together… just us two”.
Don’t Leave a Tip!
This suggestion is certainly going to be very unpopular amongst the waitresses, waiters, baristas, and other servers working in the hospitality industry.
But hear me out…
First of all, I’m not suggesting this is your first course of action. But if you and/or your husband feel like you made it clear you didn’t appreciate the flirting and it still continued, this might be the only way to get your point across.
If the waitress was flirting to get a better tip, then hopefully she will learn her lesson that she needs to switch up her tactics when serving a married couple.
If she was flirting for some other reason, then that’s being unprofessional and you’re fully Justified not to leave a tip.
Remember, tips are supposed to reflect the level of care and service you received. If you did enjoy the service, it’s fair that you do not leave a tip.
Ask Yourself; Why Is It Upsetting You?
I’m not suggesting you should be completely unaffected by seeing another woman flirting with your husband, but it is worth taking a step back and evaluating how upset you are about the situation.
Are you getting worked up about a little bit of waitress-style flirting? Or is it actually a very blatant kind of disrespect?
Knowing that the waitress’s motivation is likely to get a bigger tip from your husband and nothing more, should you still be getting as upset as you are?
I’m not saying you’re right or wrong in your actions as I don’t know no your specific situation. All I’m saying is, it’s worth seeing if you can lessen your stress over the situation.
How to Handle Similar Flirting Scenarios
What Do You Do When a Woman Flirts With Your Husband?
When a woman (not a waitress) is flirting with your husband in front of you, you know she’s not doing it for tips!
It really depends on the situation as to how you handle it. If your husband is wearing a wedding ring or has made it clear that he is married, obviously her behavior is out of order.
First of all, you need to trust your husband and not fly into a jealous rage.
From there on you and your husband need to manage the situation appropriately to either avoid or stop this woman from flirting.
What Do You Do When Your Friend Flirts With Your Husband?
When a friend or someone you know well flirts with your husband, again this is a totally different situation to deal with.
It’s still important that you don’t react in the moment. As you know the woman, you’re going to have to speak to her and make it clear that you don’t appreciate her flirting.
You should do this in a non-aggressive, non-confrontational way so that you can stay friends. It’s fine to be wary of her in the future, but there’s no point in creating an explosive situation.
What Do You Do if Another Girl Flirts With Your Boyfriend?
Having another girl flirt with your boyfriend feels just as bad as if you were married, but you do have to handle it a little differently.
First of all, men wear wedding rings for a reason. If a woman flirts with a man wearing a wedding ring, there’s no forgiving or excusing that.
If a man isn’t wearing a ring and he’s not hanging off the arm of a woman, you can forgive a girl for flirting with him.
In fact, some see it as quite a compliment. Your boyfriend should make it clear that he has a girlfriend though, and if the flirting persists after that then there’s a problem.
You’ll need to speak with the girl and see what her motivations are. There are a number of reasons why girls like to flirt with guys who are taken, but you can always figure it out and put a stop to it.
Image credits – Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.