What should you do when your husband confides in another woman?
When we need to talk about something sensitive or private, we turn to those who we feel we can trust the most to confide in – in a marriage you always want to think that’s going to be your spouse.
This isn’t always the case, however.
And although it may be hurtful at first to find out that your husband has been confiding in another woman, he deserves to be able to explain himself.
He may have a justifiable reason for confiding in another woman instead of you – on the flip side it may be a sign of an emotional connection with someone else that you no longer have.
One thing we know for sure, you need to find out why he’s been talking to another woman about some of the things closest to his heart.
It’s important you don’t jump to any conclusions and handle the situation delicately. Here’s how you should act to ensure you fully understand what’s going on with your husband, this other woman, and your relationship:
8 Things You Should Do When You Find Out Your Husband Confides in Another Woman
Keep Cool and Don’t Overreact
The first, and possibly most important thing when you find out that your husband has been confiding in another woman is to keep cool and not overreact.
He’s been confiding in her for a reason, and until you know what that reason is you can’t be accusing him of anything, reacting angrily, trying to make him feel bad about it, or anything else.
Doing so it’s only going to make you look like a jealous wife who doesn’t trust him.
Sure, you may find out down the line that you can’t trust him as much as you thought you could. But it’s only at that point when you will be justified to react angrily.
Put Yourself in Your Husband’s Shoes for a Minute
The answer to all problems lies in the reasoning behind why someone does what they do.
Instead of assuming you know why he’s confiding in another woman, put yourself in his shoes and try to see it from his perspective.
Why was he not able to talk to you or confide in you about these things?
I’m not trying to make excuses for him, but I certainly could be legitimate reasons why he had to confide in this other woman.
By understanding his behavior from his perspective right or wrong – you should be able to help him confide in you in the future.
Find Out More About This Woman and Their Relationship
When I say ‘relationship’ I’m not suggesting that just because a man confides in another woman there is anything going on either emotionally, physically, or otherwise.
There is certainly some trust there between them though, at least on his part. Trust is one of the most powerful elements of any interaction between two people, so he clearly thinks a lot of her.
All I’m saying is that if this woman means enough to him that he’s going to tell her secrets or talk about his problems, it’s going to help you understand the situation a lot better the more you know about her.
Look For Signs That There’s Something More Going On
Having a partner confide in someone else about their intimate thoughts is bad enough. Finding out that there is something more going on is devastating.
You certainly shouldn’t jump to conclusions though, but seeing as your husband has already taken the step of confiding in another woman you’re right to be a little suspicious.
Look for more signs that your husband has emotionally checked out of the relationship or maybe has already started a physical relationship with this other woman.
Look for things like him being secretive on his phone, going out a lot, unexplained absences from the home, lack of intimacy at home, and so on.
Ask Him to Explain Why He’s Been Confiding in Another Woman
Remember the part about not jumping to conclusions and accusing your husband of anything?
He deserves to be able to tell his story, and he will certainly be more open if you’re calm, so you need to have a frank and honest discussion with him about it.
When you hear his explanation for why he confided in this other woman, it may make perfect sense. But you’ll never know unless you ask him and he feels although he can tell you.
If you’re unsure if your husband is telling you everything, I covered some signs to look for that he’s being truthful here.
Take Into Account the Things He’s Been Telling This Other Woman
I’m not saying you should give him a pass based on what he’s been confiding in this woman about, as it’s the trust issue that’s the real problem.
But you do have to take into account what it is he’s been saying to this woman.
Obviously, if he’s been sharing intimate details about your marriage that affects the both of you, this can be embarrassing on your part and he had no right to do that.
On the other end of the spectrum, if he’s been confiding in a coworker about issues that are related to work, this is different.
He should be able to talk to you about work stress, too. But you could see where he’s coming from if you felt the need to talk to someone who also understood the problem firsthand.
Take an Honest Look at the State of Your Relationship
As hard as this is for most women (and men) To do, you need to take a long honest look at the state of your relationship or marriage.
The hard truth Is that when a man confides in another woman, it’s usually because he doesn’t feel that he can talk about his problems to his wife.
Have you been drifting apart over time? This is perfectly normal for a marriage, no shame in admitting things aren’t as hot as they once were.
It just means you need to do something about it. Something to bring back that spark, put some excitement into your lives, and remind each other why you first fell in love.
Build Trust and Become Each Other’s Confidant
Ultimately, you want your husband to confide in you when you have something on his mind. Likewise, you should always go to him first when you have something to get off your chest.
It really only comes down to trust.
When you confide in someone, you do so because you know you will not be judged by them and they will not share what you’re telling them with anyone else.
Has anything happened in the past to make him feel although he can’t tell you something?
Whether it has or not, he clearly needs some reassurance that you’re the perfect person to confide in. This is something you need to work on together.
Image credits – Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.