Does your boyfriend constantly joke about you having another boyfriend or cheating on him?
Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
Men, and women in fact, joke or make comments about their partners having affairs or cheating to mask insecurities on their side for the most part.
There can be a number of reasons for these ‘jokes or comments. But it usually revolves around the person making them having low self-esteem, being jealous, or feeling insecure.
Still, that’s no excuse. It’s not nice to be constantly accused of cheating, putting up with jokes about having another boyfriend, and all those kinds of things.
If this is the situation you’re in right now, here are some of the reasons that may explain your boyfriend’s behavior. As well as some advice on what you can do to stop him making these jokes:
He’s Insecure and Doesn’t Know How to Act
Insecurity, lack of confidence, anxiety, are all things that can cause someone to make jokes at their partner’s expense.
Especially the types of jokes as we’re talking about here, accusing you of cheating.
It stems from being what he fears most, losing you. Yet, by behaving like he is, he’s more likely to push you away than pull you in, isn’t he?
This is the vicious cycle that people with low self-esteem and insecurities find themselves in. It’s almost a way of punishing themselves as they think they don’t deserve you or the happiness they currently have.
Related – Here’s why people put other’s down jokingly.
He’s Jealous of You
At its core, jealousy is an emotional response to feeling inferior to someone. As well as fearing that you’re going to lose them, or that you don’t deserve that person.
It’s a perfectly normal, and unfortunately an all too common human emotion. It often ‘tricks’ the person into thinking that you are cheating or will cheat given the chance.
Jealousy is one of the main causes of relationships breaking up. It’s hard to deal with, as you might be finding out right now being on the receiving end of these jokes.
He’s Looking for the Cowards Way Out
I’m not trying to bash your boyfriend by saying that he’s being a coward. But if he’s looking for a way out of the relationship by making hurtful jokes – that’s exactly what he is.
When some guys have mentally or emotionally checked out of a relationship they’ll start making jokes about their partners cheating.
They are secretly hoping that it ends up being true, or maybe that they put the seed in your head and you will end up cheating.
Then they can blame you for everything, say “I knew it” and leave the relationship making you feel like it’s all your fault.
But it’s not your fault. It’s their selfish, jealous, way of making themselves feel good, and making you feel worse. The best scenario is that you do walk away from the relationship, head held high.
He’s Cheating Himself and Trying to Mask It
Have you ever heard the saying, “Those who shout the loudest usually have the most to hide”?
This rings true when one partner is accusing the other of cheating sometimes.
Sometimes they use it as a way to completely deflect the attention away from themselves by putting you on the defensive. Or, they may be just gauging your reaction and how you feel towards cheating.
Either way, it raises red flags. You could fire back the same joke at them to see how they react. You don’t want to escalate the conversation into an argument, but their body language or what they say might help you understand if this is the cause.
He’s Putting You Down Jokingly Due to His Own Low Self-Esteem
Being with someone with low self-esteem can be incredibly challenging. If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, he will be thinking about all kinds of negative things. Despite how much you try to reassure him.
It’s kind of a combination of most of the other things I’ve spoken about to this point. When someone doesn’t value themselves, it’s hard for them to value their relationships, you, and appreciate all the good things they have.
They usually end up sabotaging the things that are going well for them. Such as picking on you with jokes about cheating.
What to Do if Your Boyfriend Makes Jokes About You Cheating
How you approach your boyfriend is going to depend on the reasons behind his behavior, and how willing he is to talk about it.
There are a few key things you should try and focus on that will be beneficial though:
Communication – Nothing is going to get resolved without good communication. You need to tell him how his jokes are making you feel, and he needs to open up and talk about how he feels.
Stay calm – It’s important that you do not snap, bite back, or get angry. That’s only going to escalate the situation.
Remember, the core of why he’s making these jokes is almost certainly because he has a low opinion of himself. He may be trying to provoke a reaction, but you need to be the bigger person here and not beat him up over it.
Encourage them to like themselves – Picking on you is a sign that they don’t like themselves. It’s cliche but true, before they can appreciate others they need to appreciate themselves.
Reassure them that you do deserve you. Let them know you’re with them because of who they are and you don’t have eyes for anyone else.
Tell them they have to change – Don’t go as far as ultimatums or threats, but tell them that they have to change and stop making these jokes.
It sounds crazy, but it may take some time. Even if they’re not accusing you directly of cheating, they will still think about it and might do other things such as checking up on you.
You shouldn’t have to put up with your boyfriend making jokes about you having another boyfriend or cheating.
Relationships take work, no one should ever tell you otherwise. If you care about your boyfriend, it’s worth trying to help them see how their behavior is making you feel.
Remember, it’s their problem, not yours. You don’t have to change anything you’re doing, they need to find a way to drop their jealousy, appreciate you and your feelings, and stop making the jokes.
Image credits – Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.