Friends – good friends – are important, so if you’re spotting signs your friends don’t care about you it’s going to hurt.
It’s not a good idea to jump to conclusions though, sometimes people are just a little preoccupied or not being a good friend for one reason or another.
However, if you want to put your ‘friends’ to the test and see if they really care.
Here are 15 signs your friends don’t care about you and might indicate you need to let them go!
15 Signs Your Friends Don’t Care About You
1. They Never Ask How You’re Doing
If your friends never ask how you are, what’s going on in your life, or how your day was, it’s a pretty good sign they don’t care about you.
A friend who cares will want to know every detail about your life and what’s going on with you.
If they forget to ask on the odd occasion, maybe they have a lot on their minds or just miss that social cue.
However, if they never ask, it means they’re not interested and care more about themselves than they do about you.
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2. They only Talk at You and Don’t Listen When You Talk to Them
This is a classic sign that someone doesn’t care about you.
If they’re not interested in what you have to say and only want to talk about themselves, it shows they don’t value your thoughts or opinions.
A friend who cares will be interested in hearing what you have to say and will engage in two-way conversations.
Sure, some people are more thoughtful and selfless than others, but there is a line.
You don’t need to surround yourself with people who use you as a sounding board and don’t give anything back, it’s mentally draining.
3. You’re Seeing Them Less and Less Often
If you’re seeing your friends less and less, it’s a sign that there are more important things in their lives than seeing you.
People who care will make an effort to see you more often, even if it’s just for a coffee or a quick catch-up.
If they suddenly start making excuses not to see you or are always too busy, it means you’re not high on their priorities – so it’s time to reconsider where you’re spending your energy.
4. It Feels Like You Have Nothing in Common Anymore
When you’re close to someone, you share a lot in common.
You have similar interests, values and outlooks on life.
If it feels like you no longer have anything in common with your friends, it’s probably because you don’t – and that’s not a good sign.
It doesn’t mean you need to end the friendship, but you should consider how much time and effort you’re putting in based on what you’re getting back.
If you’re drifting apart and looking for different things in life, it’s hard to care as much about how the other person is doing.
5. They Don’t Include You in Their Social Lives
If your friends don’t include you in their social lives, it means they either don’t want you around or do not value you as highly as their other friends.
It could even be that they’re ashamed of you or feel like you wouldn’t fit in with their other friends.
Either way, it’s not a good sign and I can understand that it would hurt your feelings.
On the other side of the coin, a friend who cares will want you to be a part of their social life and will make an effort to include you.
6. They’re Critical of You
If your friends are always criticizing you, it’s a sign they don’t care about you and are willing to hurt your feelings.
A friend who does care about you will want you to feel good about yourself and will build you up rather than tear you down.
They might give constructive criticism from time to time, but it should never be hurtful or make you feel bad about yourself.
7. They Keep Letting You Down
If your friends keep letting you down, it means they don’t care about your feelings or how their actions affect you.
A true friend will do everything they can to not let you down, even if that means saying no to other things.
They know that your friendship is important to you and will always try to keep their promises.
If they’re constantly flaking on you or breaking their promises, it’s a sign that you’re not as important to them as they are to you.
8. They Never Initiate Conversations or Plans
If your friends never initiate conversations or make plans to hang out, it means they’re not interested in spending time with you.
When it’s always up to you to text them first or make plans, it can get pretty tiring after a while – I’m sure you’ll agree.
A friend who cares will reach out to you and want to spend time with you, rather than making you do all the work.
It should feel like a two-way street, not a one-way street where you’re always the initiator!
9. They Disappear when Things Get Tough
If your friends disappear when things get tough, it means they’re not really your friend.
That sounds harsh, but it’s true.
A true friend will be there for you through the good times and the bad times.
They’ll comfort you when you’re feeling down and celebrate with you when you’re feeling up.
If they only care about being around when things are easy and fun, they’re not really your friend.
What kind of friend disappears when things get tough? Not a very good one, that’s for sure!
10. They’re Not Happy About Your Successes
If your friends aren’t happy about your successes, it means they’re either jealous or don’t want you to do better than them.
This is a sad thing to face up to when you think about it.
However you look at it, it’s not a good sign and you might want to reconsider how much time you’re spending with these people.
A friend who cares will be happy for you when you succeed and will be one of your biggest cheerleaders, just as I’m sure you are for them.
Related – How to tell if your work colleagues are real friends.
11. They only Contact You when They Need Something
If your friends only contact you when they need something, it means they view you as a means to an end rather than a true friend.
It’s not a very nice feeling to be used in this way and I’m sure you don’t want to waste your time on people who see you as nothing more than a tool.
A true friend who cares about you as a person will want to keep in touch even when they don’t need anything from you.
12. They Take Advantage of Your Good Nature
If your friends take advantage of your good nature, it means they’re not really your friend.
A true friend would never do this. They would appreciate everything you do for them and never take anything for granted.
They know that you’re a kind and caring person who is always willing to help, so they don’t take advantage of that.
However, if they’re always taking and never giving, it’s a sign that they don’t care about you.
13. They Gossip or Talk Behind Your Back
If your friends gossip or talk behind your back, it means they don’t respect you.
They might act like your friend to your face, but as soon as you’re gone they start talking about you and saying things they know will hurt you.
Friends who care about you would never do this.
They would only ever say nice things about you behind your back and would never deliberately try to hurt you.
14. They Forget Your Birthday and Other Important Dates
If your friends forget your birthday and other important dates, it means they aren’t thinking about you or valuing you.
These are the things that matter to you and if they can’t even be bothered to remember them, it’s a pretty big deal.
A friend who cares will make an effort to remember these things and will go out of their way to make sure they send you a message or something more on days that are important to you.
15. You Can Just Feel It when You’re Around Them
If you can just feel it when you’re around them that they don’t care about you, then that’s probably the case.
Your gut instinct is usually right, so if something feels off then it probably is.
You might not be able to put your finger on what exactly it is, but you know that something isn’t right and that they don’t care about you as much as they should.
When someone really cares about another person there are emotions and feelings involved, and it’s just hard to hide that!
How Do You Deal with Friends Who Don’t Care About You?
If you’re in a situation where you think your friends might not care about you as much as you thought, it’s important to take some time to assess the situation.
Think about how they’ve been behaving and see if any of the signs above apply to them.
If they do, it might be time to have a talk with them or to distance yourself from them.
It’s not always easy to face up to the fact that someone you care about doesn’t feel the same way, but it’s better to know the truth than to stay in a situation where you’re not being valued or appreciated.
At the end of the day, a core role of a friend is being able to discuss stuff openly.
If you can’t do that, that is a pretty big red flag itself.
Related – Reasons why your ex wants to be friends with you so badly.
When Should You Cut a Friend Off?
If you’ve tried to talk to your friend about how you’re feeling and they don’t seem to care or they make excuses, then it might be time to cut them off.
It’s not an easy decision to make, but sometimes it’s necessary.
You don’t need people in your life who don’t care about you and who don’t make an effort to be a part of it.
Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t appreciate you – it’s as simple as that for me.
If you’re in a situation where you think your friends might not care about you, trust your gut and take some time to assess the situation.
Talk to them, and if you’re really not satisfied with what they’re saying, it’s OK to take a break.
If they are a true friend and they do care about you, they’ll be pretty quick to show it once you do distance yourself from them!
Image credits – Photo by cedric raddoux on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.
I have a friend who is going through a really tough time. I’ve made it my number one priority to be there for her when she needs to talk or when she’s feeling hopeless. However, she tends to get angry at me for things like having more friends, having good looks, good grades, etc. However, my parents are considering divorce and I have many family members who are very sick right now. I really need someone to talk to. She won’t listen to any of my problems because I just have “no idea what it’s like to be really struggling”, and if I mess up, like forgetting to give her a promised granola bar because she forgot her snack, I quickly apologize and bring it to her. However, she only snorts, smiles, and says, “That’s okay, I knew you didn’t care about me.” I always feel guilty and sad and I don’t really want to be around her anymore because she always gets mad at my accomplishments and expects me to be flawless. But I know that I’ll feel guiltier than ever and that she’ll tell others if I tell her I want to take a break. I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t want to be hurt any longer. Does anyone have any tips? 🙁