Some girls will tell you, ‘my boyfriend is not masculine enough’.
But what does that really mean, and why does it matter or have an impact on their relationship?
If your boyfriend has feminine mannerisms and is not as masculine as you’d like, you might have to just accept that’s how he is.
Here is a look at what it means when a guy is not very masculine and why it makes a difference for some women:
My Boyfriend Is Not Masculine Enough – What This Means to Your Relationship
When you hear a girl say “my boyfriend is not masculine enough”, what she usually means is that he doesn’t have enough traditional male qualities.
These can include things like being physically strong, being the breadwinner, taking charge, and being the one who always makes decisions.
Some girls feel they need a guy who has these more traditionally masculine qualities in order to feel safe and protected.
However, others prefer a more sensitive guy who is in touch with his emotions and not afraid to show them.
If you want a more manly man, I’m sure you’re wondering what – of anything – you can do to make him ‘man up’.
Can You Make Your Boyfriend More Manly?
The truth is, you can’t really change someone’s personality and mannerisms.
At least, not overnight and not without them putting in a lot of conscious effort to act differently.
So if your guy is not very masculine, there isn’t much you can do to change that.
You might be able to help him become more confident and help him learn how to be a little more assertive.
If you see those as more manly traits, then you can achieve that and it’s something he may want to do for himself as well.
When it comes to having feminine mannerisms, such as being softly spoken, emotional, backing down from confrontations, and so on – this is a lot harder to change.
It’s also less likely he will want to change something as deep to his core as how he acts unless he’s just trying to change to please you.
At the end of the day, you have to accept him for who he is. If you have hopes that you can turn a feminine man into a burly manly man, it’s incredibly unlikely.
Why Does It Matter If He’s Not Masculine?
Some girls feel they need a more traditionally masculine guy in order to feel safe and protected.
They may even be embarrassed if their boyfriend has feminine mannerisms, especially if they are making comparisons to other guys or their friend’s partners.
It’s fair to say that there is some kind of stigma around guys with feminine mannerisms and it’s almost seen as ‘wrong’ in some social circles.
But obviously, this isn’t fair and it’s not right to judge someone based on their looks or mannerisms.
We all have different preferences when it comes to our partners and what we find attractive.
So if you like your guy just the way he is, then that’s great!
But if you’re finding his lack of masculinity a problem in your relationship, then it’s only fair you talk with him about it and let him know how you feel.
What isn’t fair is if you hold his mannerisms against him or try to change him into someone he’s not.
What Makes a Masculine Man?
There are a lot of different qualities that make up a masculine man.
Some might say it’s someone who is physically strong, courageous, independent, a natural leader, and generally speaking, an ‘alpha‘ character.
But ultimately, it comes down to what you personally find attractive in a guy and what makes you feel safe.
There are also two ways of looking at manly men; there is their physical appearance and how they act.
Some men are seen as many if they have a beard, are tall, and are muscular – all physical characteristics that make men, well, men.
Then there is the way a man acts, he may be emotional and soft with his mannerism and actions.
The interesting thing is that sometimes, the two sides do not match up!
Some muscular manly-looking men are incredibly gentle and sensitive.
While some men of a slight build with feminine physical traits are incredibly assertive, aggressive, and are powerful leaders.
What does this tell us?
Never judge a book by its cover!
What Does Effeminacy Mean?
While on the topic of masculinity, I thought I’d cover a word that I’ve seen gaining popularity in recent years – effeminacy.
Effeminacy is often used to describe feminine traits in men or masculine traits in women.
It’s generally considered a negative term and is used to describe someone who isn’t acting how they’re ‘supposed’ to according to their gender.
For example, a man who cries during a movie might be seen as effeminate because he’s displaying what is seen as a feminine trait.
While a woman who is assertive and takes charge might be seen as effeminate because she’s displaying what is seen as a masculine trait.
Effeminacy is often used as an insult, especially towards men, and it can be quite hurtful.
But in my opinion, it really shouldn’t be.
There is nothing wrong with guys being in touch with their feminine side, just as there is nothing wrong with girls being more in touch with their masculine side!
Image credits – Photo by Rodrigo Sümmer on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.