Does dating a guy less attractive than you make you look more attractive to others, or less attractive?
It’s an interesting perspective, and I know people who think about this both ways.
It’s also an interesting dynamic to have in a relationship, thinking you’re dating a guy who is not as good-looking as you are.
Here’s how it affects some couples:
How Dating a Guy Less Attractive than You Affects Your Relationship
1. People Might Make Comments
If you’re in a relationship with a guy who is less attractive than you are, people might make comments about it.
Sarcastic or hurtful things like:
- “Is he rich?”
- “He’s not your type, is he?”
- “Do you ever worry that he’s not good enough for you?”
These are all the kinds of comments that will make your boyfriend feel like he’s not good enough, and can take a serious toll on a relationship.
2. Other Guys Will Be More Open About Flirting with You
Guys are naturally competitive, if a guy likes you and thinks he’s better looking than your boyfriend he’s more likely to flirt with you.
Sometimes it can be harmless fun, but obviously, it can also make your boyfriend feel insecure.
3. Your Boyfriend May Suffer from Self-Esteem Issues
It’s not uncommon for a guy who is less attractive than his girlfriend to suffer from self-esteem issues.
He may feel like he’s not good enough for you, or that he has to try harder to keep you interested.
This can lead to him becoming controlling or jealous, and it can be a real problem in a relationship.
4. People Might Judge You on Face Value
It’s sad, but we live in a world where so much is judged on how we look.
If you’re dating a guy who is less attractive than you are, people might make assumptions about what he’s like and why you’re with him.
I’m sure you’ve already heard various comments. I wish there was a way to change how people behave, but it’s something you’re going to have to accept.
Why Do People Date Less Attractive People?
I don’t like to judge people on their looks, and who am I to say someone is more or less attractive than someone else.
But that said if there is an obvious difference in looks between two people in a relationship, it’s hard to ignore that there is usually one of three underlying reasons;
1. It’s About Personality, Not Looks
In this age of popular social media influencers where everyone looks perfect, it’s hard for some people to understand that sometimes personality shines through.
And it’s not just women who are guilty of this, plenty of men are attracted to women who are not considered traditionally “attractive” because they’re bowled over by their personality!
2. It’s a Power or Financial Thing
Some men (and women) are attracted to the power and confidence that comes with dating someone who is considered good-looking.
And then there are those who are only interested in a relationship if it will improve their financial situation or if their partner is powerful in some way.
It’s like the classic situation where someone is attracted to their boss or an older millionaire, it’s not that uncommon.
For the man, it’s called having a ‘trophy wife’. In the case of a woman, it’s often called dating a ‘sugar daddy’.
3. There Are Self-Esteem Issues on Either or Both Sides
As I mentioned, when there is a big difference in looks between two people in a relationship it can often be because one or both people have self-esteem issues.
The less attractive person may feel like they’re not good enough for their partner and try to overcompensate by being extra loving or attentive.
Or the more attractive person in the relationship may also have self-esteem issues and feel like they’re not good enough to go after people they see as really attractive.
It’s not a healthy way to think, and it can often lead to problems in a relationship as both parties have their own issues to deal with.
What to Do if You Like a Guy’s Personality but Not His Looks?
It can be a tricky situation, but if you find yourself attracted to someone’s personality but not their looks you should absolutely follow your heart.
A couple of questions to ask yourself are:
“What really makes you happy?”
“Are you concerned with what other people will think?”
There is no denying that having a physical attraction is an essential part of any relationship, just as having an emotional connection is.
I’m not suggesting you try and change the guy, but it’s worth considering if you could help him out a little with his grooming and fashion sense?
Sometimes, guys need a little help looking their best. Having a woman’s touch can go a long way, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Being with someone you don’t connect with emotionally or mentally can be just as difficult as not finding someone physically attractive.
Ideally, we would all meet Mr or Mrs Perfect, someone who is both physically attractive and has a flawless personality.
But in reality, someone steals our heart and we can’t always find the logic behind it!
If you’re smitten by this guy that you don’t find attractive and can’t stop thinking about him, go out on a date with him and see what happens!
Don’t concern yourself with what other people think or whether or not he’s attractive in the ‘traditional’ sense, go with what makes you happy!
Image credits – Photo by Taisiia Stupak on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.