If you haven’t talked to your boyfriend in 3 days after a fight, I’m sure you’re starting to stress over what to do.
Is the silence making the situation worse?
Does this mean it’s over for you two?
Should you be the one to make the first move and contact him?
These are tough questions to answer as I don’t know your exact situation, but I can tell you what you should do if you want a healthy relationship going forward:
Haven’t Talked To Boyfriend in 3 Days After Fight
If you haven’t talked to your boyfriend in 3 days since having a fight, two things you need to ask yourself are;
- ‘what happened?’
- ‘how do I feel about it?’
You need to be sure that the ‘dust has settled’, and you’re ready to talk to him before you do so.
Because you’re going to need to talk to him at some point.
The worst thing you can do is talk to your boyfriend if either you or he are still emotional about the fight.
When we’re emotional, we’re not able to make the best decisions.
I’m sure that’ll make sense if you think about the things you both said and did while you were fighting!
So, keep in mind the saying, ‘let cooler heads prevail’, and only think about talking to him if you’ve both cooled down from whatever it was you fought about.
To answer the important question I know most of you reading this will have – if you want to work through your problems, I’m sure you can.
You might have to take the higher ground, as I’ll be explaining in this article, but it’ll be worth it.
How Long Should I Wait to Contact My Boyfriend After a Fight?
You should wait until you’re both calm to talk to your boyfriend after a fight.
This could be anywhere from three days to several weeks!
It’s important that you don’t contact him while you’re still feeling anger and resentment towards him though.
These negative emotions will only make the situation worse, and it’ll be harder to come to a resolution.
You should only reach out to him when you’re feeling positive about the situation, and you’re ready to talk things through in a mature manner.
What if He Still Won’t Talk to Me After I’ve Cooled Down?
If your boyfriend is still refusing to talk to you after you’ve cooled down, it might be time to take the higher ground.
It’s a sign that he’s not ready, and you’ll have to respect that.
Even if it was him who started the fight and said the most hurtful things, everyone reacts differently to a fight.
There is no right or wrong answer as to how long it will take someone to be able to talk about the fight.
I know this isn’t easy, but it’s important to remember that you’re doing this for the sake of your relationship.
Give him the space he needs, but at the same time don’t be afraid to reach out to him and let him know you’re there for him when he’s ready.
Is It Normal for Couples to Not Talk for Days?
It’s not abnormal for couples to not talk for days after a fight, so don’t feel like you’re overreacting.
In fact, it might even be necessary to take some days out!
Remember, the most important thing is that you both have time to cool down before trying to work through the issue.
If you try to talk about things too soon, it’ll only make the situation worse.
A few days is not the end of the world, but it’s certainly long enough to start thinking about how you’re going to get over what’s happened.
Is It Okay Not to Talk to Your Boyfriend After a Fight?
If you don’t want to talk to your boyfriend after a fight, that’s okay.
Even if he’s reaching out to you if you’re not ready to talk you shouldn’t feel although you have to.
Just make sure that you’re not using this as an excuse to avoid the problem.
It’s important to remember that the sooner you talk about what happened, the sooner you can start to move on.
It’s also better if you at least let him know that you need more time, rather than just going silent on him.
If you just go completely silent it will only make him more anxious about what you’re doing and how you’re feeling.
A simple, “I’m fine thanks, just not ready to talk yet”, or “Thanks, I’ll message you when I’m ready to talk,” should do.
What Does Giving the Silent Treatment Do to Your Partner?
As I mentioned, giving someone the silent treatment is not often the best thing to do – no matter how mad you are.
It’ll only make your partner more anxious, and it can even be seen as a form of manipulation.
It’s important to remember that you’re both in this together, and you should be working towards a resolution – not trying to hurt each other with words or actions.
This doesn’t mean you should feel pressured to meet up or talk with him before you’re ready.
You can set some clear boundaries and be polite without getting into what the fight was about, who was at fault, and how you’re going to move forward.
How Much Time Do You Give Someone Who Needs Space?
There is such a thing as giving someone too much time.
If you value your relationship, you’re going to need to work things out – and the longer you leave it the harder it’s going to be.
I can’t tell you exactly how long is too long, you’re going to need to use some of your own judgment.
If you’re dropping your boyfriend messages asking how long he needs and things aren’t progressing over weeks, or he’s becoming more distant, you have a problem.
It’s possible he might need more time than you, and that’s okay.
But if it seems like he’s using the space as an excuse to not work things out, then it might be time to move on.
There is a chance that the fight was too serious for him to move forward. It’s hard to take if you’re willing to work through it, but you need to respect his feelings.
Image credits – Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.