If there is one thing more painful than splitting up, it’s finding out that your ex never loved you anyway.
There are many reasons why your ex might not have loved you; from being self-absorbed to just emotionally immature and detached.
But whatever the reason, it’s important you know that it wasn’t your fault.
Here are 15 signs your ex never loved you and how you can get over it and start to heal:
15 Signs Your Ex Never Loved You
1. You Were Always the One to Initiate Contact
If you were always the one texting, calling, or initiating plans, it’s a sign your ex never really loved you.
In a healthy relationship, both partners make an effort to keep in touch and make time for each other.
Sure, things are never equal. But it’s obvious when one partner is more than pulling their weight and the other one is taking advantage.
If you always felt like you were the one chasing your ex, it’s a sign they were never really that invested in the relationship – at least not as invested as you were.
It’s a tough pill to swallow looking back, but it’s better you realize now and protect yourself from the same thing happening in the future.
2. They Never Complimented You
A lack of compliments, while you were together, is another common sign your ex never loved you or cared about how you felt.
When in a relationship, both partners should feel good about themselves and their partners.
Complimenting each other should come naturally, and it’s a way to help you both feel good about yourselves and build self-esteem.
If you never felt that your ex made you feel good about yourself or noticed the things you did for them, it’s a sign they didn’t really love or appreciate you.
On a deeper level, it may have been a deliberate ploy to make you feel worse about yourself as they were feeling insecure.
3. They Didn’t Remember Important Details About You
Remembering the little things about anyone is a sign that you care about that person and think about them.
Forgetting a friend’s birthday or an anniversary is one thing, but forgetting dates like this about someone you love just shouldn’t happen.
If your ex never remembered important dates, or even things like your favorite food, color, or movie, it’s a sign they weren’t really paying attention to you or didn’t care about you as a loving partner should.
4. They Never Really Contributed to The Relationship
In every relationship, both partners should feel like they are contributing equally or at least trying to – whether that’s emotionally, physically, or financially.
If you always felt like you were the only one putting in any effort, it’s a sign your ex didn’t really love you.
A healthy relationship requires give and take from both sides, even if one person is down on their luck if they love the other person they’ll move mountains for them.
This is one of the major reasons why couples split, and is hard for a lot of couples to reconcile with when they’re together and after they split.
5. They Never Supported You or Your Decisions
A loving partner should be your biggest fan and support you through thick and thin.
If your ex never really supported you or had your back, it’s a sign they didn’t care about you as much as they should have.
This can manifest in different ways; from not being there for you when you’re feeling down to not supporting your dreams and goals.
Sometimes they’re scared if you’re taking a risk. I’ve been on the receiving end of this myself.
But they should be willing to talk about it with you, and they should see things from your side and encourage you as opposed to trying to hold you back.
6. They Would Always Bring You Down
The saddest part about this point is that most people don’t realize they’re constantly being put down by their partner until they either leave them or move on to a loving relationship.
A lot of people will make excuses for their partner’s behavior, but the truth is if they’re making you feel bad about yourself they don’t love you.
If your ex would always put you down or make you feel bad about yourself, it’s a sign they never loved you and were probably just trying to control you.
This is another way an emotionally abusive person can control their partner – by making them feel bad about themselves so they don’t feel good enough to leave and move on.
7. They Moved on Very Quickly After You Split Up
If your ex moved on very quickly after you split up, you have to question how much they really loved you.
It takes time to heal after any relationship ends, even if it was expected.
So if they were already dating someone new or in a rebound relationship just weeks after you broke up, it’s a sign they’re either trying to make you jealous or their feelings were not that strong.
8. You Feel Like You Never Got to Really Know Them
If you’ve split from your partner and looking back feel like you never really got to know them on a deep level, it’s probably because they didn’t allow you to.
Some people are closed off emotionally, and that’s a possibility.
But it’s more so that they were not as committed to the relationship as you were, especially if you were together for a long time.
This is enough to make anyone question if their exes ever really loved them.
9. They Didn’t Make You Their Priority
In a relationship, both partners should make each other a priority.
This doesn’t mean you’re always first, but it does mean that your partner should be willing to put you and the relationship before other things in their life.
If they didn’t do this, it’s a sign they never really loved you as much as they should have.
What were they putting before you? Friends, family, their pets, hobbies?
It’s upsetting to know that you were not a priority to your partner, especially when you were putting them first, but it’s something to be aware of in future relationships.
10. They Blocked You After Splitting Up
If your ex blocked you on social media or any other platform after you split up, it could be a sign they never loved you.
It’s certainly a sign they’re trying to move on as quickly as possible and don’t want any reminders of you in their life.
It’s harsh, but it’s the truth.
They may have even told you they never want to see you again.
It’s hard to believe that someone who loved you would treat you like this, isn’t it?
Related – 4 clear signs your ex isn’t over you yet.
11. They Never Told You They Loved You
This is one of the most obvious signs that your ex didn’t love you – they never told you they loved you.
Sure, those three words don’t come easy to a lot of people, but if you’ve never heard them you have to assume they didn’t love you.
It’s possible they did love you but were never able to say it, but usually, if someone loves you they’ll find a way to tell you.
12. They Never Made an Effort with Your Family and Friends
If your partner never made an effort to get to know your family and friends, it’s a sign they were not that invested in the relationship.
Of course, some people are not naturally social and take longer to warm up to people, but if they never even tried it’s a red flag.
It would have been nice if they made an effort for you and tried to get to know the people who are important to you.
Honestly, if your partner never makes an effort with the people who are important to you, you have to question how committed they were.
13. They Always Picked at Your Faults
In a healthy relationship, your partner should accept you for who you are – faults and all.
If they were constantly picking at your faults and trying to change you, it’s a sign they never really loved you for who you are.
They may have said they were trying to help you be a better person, but in reality, they didn’t like who you were.
It’s another tough pill to swallow, but one that in retrospect should help you appreciate that you’re no longer together.
14. They Were Never Going to Commit
If you were together for a while and your partner never showed any signs of wanting to commit to you, it’s a sign they didn’t love you.
People who love each other want to be with each other all the time and understand that committing is the best way to do that.
Your partner may have said they didn’t believe in marriage or danced around the idea of saying the two of you were in a committed relationship, but that’s just an excuse.
As hard as it is to accept, they were never going to commit to you because they didn’t love you enough.
15. They Cheated on You More than Once
If your partner cheated on you once, it’s possible they made a mistake and there is an argument that they loved you.
But if they cheated on you more than once, it really is a sign that they never really loved you at all.
Why would someone who loves you keep hurting you and keep chasing other love interests?
It just doesn’t make sense.
There’s no excuse for cheating, period.
If your partner cheated on you more than once, it’s a sign that they didn’t care about you and your feelings, that much is obvious.
Image credits – Photo by Gayatri Malhotra on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.