When you split from your ex and some time passes without them making an effort to reconcile, you may feel like you’ve both happily moved on.
But what often happens is that an ex is secretly doing subtle things to win you back without you even knowing.
How can you tell?
It’s not easy, but if I had to narrow it down here are 3 signs your ex secretly wants you back:
3 Signs Your Ex Secretly Wants You Back
1. They’re Staying Involved in Your Life
If your ex is still hanging around and being involved in your life, it’s likely because they want to keep tabs on you.
They may not be doing this overtly, but if they’re always there in the background or popping up suddenly when you don’t expect it, chances are good that they’re trying to stay close so that you’ll stay attached to them in some way.
It’s also a good way for them to keep tabs on whether or not you are dating, and will give them a heads up if they need to start making moves to win you back.
Essentially, staying involved in your life keeps them a part of your life, and shows that they’ve not completely moved on – or moved on at all.
2. They Always Want to Talk About How Good It Was What You Had Together
This one is tied into the last point, and allows them to get their claws in on an emotional level – or at least they hope so.
First of all, if your ex can’t stop talking about how good things were when you were together, they’re clearly not over you.
It’s usually a sign they’re trying to remind you of all the happy times so that you’ll start to miss those moments and think fondly of them and your time together.
But don’t forget the bad times, too. I don’t want to put a downer on things, but there was a reason why you split, don’t let them gloss over that.
Secondly, this is an emotional play to try and tap into your emotions and skip over your clear thought processes.
Some manipulative exes will use this as a form of control. They may want you back in a genuine way, but using memories of the good times you spent together is not the correct way to achieve that.
3. They Constantly Tell You Your New Partners Are Not Good Enough for You
This is a more obvious one, and definitely a more manipulative tactic.
If your ex is always telling you your new partners and relationships are not good enough for you, they’re trying to make you feel insecure in your new relationships so they don’t last.
Your ex will know that they need to put doubt into your mind about new relationships if they want to have any chance of getting back with you, and they’ll know how to manipulate you better than anyone else.
So, by constantly telling you that your new partners are not good enough, they’re trying to create a void that (they think) only they can fill.
Combined with reminding you about how the two of you had some awesome times and always being present in your life, these three tactics are common – and effective – ways an ex often shows they want you back!
How Do You Know if Your Ex Wants You Back But Won’t Admit It?
If you’ve spotted these 3 signs – or more – that your ex secretly wants you back, you could ask them outright about their intentions.
But they’re unlikely to admit it
Your ex may be trying to play it cool and not let on that they want you back, but there are some dead giveaways that they’re not as over you as they claim to be.
Still, I know how hard it is to really know for sure that your ex, or anyone for that matter, secretly likes you.
After all, they’re trying to keep it a secret, even if it is pretty much impossible to keep feelings a complete secret.
The only way to really know for sure is to ask them directly, but even then you may not get a completely truthful answer.
But you might!
If you don’t want to ask them, the best way to figure out if your ex secretly wants you back is to pay attention to their behavior and see if it matches up with what they’re saying.
How Do You Know if Your Ex Still Has Feelings for You?
Wanting to get back with you and having feelings are actually two very different things.
Sometimes an ex will want to get back with you for all the wrong reasons.
They may want you back because they’re lonely, or they don’t like being single, or because they want to get revenge or feel like they can end the relationship on their terms.
For this reason, it’s important to know if they’re trying to get you back, as well as what their motivations are.
Knowing an ex has feelings for you can also be a double-edged sword.
It can cause problems if you are over the relationship and want to move on, just as it might be something you’re happy to find out if you still have feelings for them.
Again, it can be difficult to know for sure if your ex has feelings for you, and more so if they are romantic feelings they’ll act on.
But all the signs will be there if you watch their body language closely, and you could always ask them and see what they say!
Image credits – Photo by Ghen Mar Cuaño on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.