4 Signs Your Ex Isn’t Over You (& What to Do About Them)

4 Signs Your Ex Isn’t Over You

Maybe you want your ex to be over the relationship and move on, or maybe you’re hoping to reconcile.

Whatever your motivation, if you want to know if your ex is really over you or not I can help you identify the signs.

In this article, I’ve boiled it down to just 4 signs your ex isn’t over you and what this means for your future:

4 Signs Your Ex Isn’t Over You

1. They Keep Finding a Way to Stay in Your Life

If your ex keeps trying to stay in your life, it’s usually a sign they’re not over you.

Sure, some exes will stay friends, maybe because they want to, or it might just be better for you both if you share a lot of mutual friends.

But some exes will keep on texting or calling you frequently, showing up at places you frequent, or even going so far as to becoming friends with your friends (or vice versa).

While this behavior can be flattering at first, it can quickly become overwhelming and intrusive.

What you should do about it:

If you don’t want your ex in your life, it’s important to be assertive and set boundaries.

If you know they’re not over you, it’s just making the breakup (on their side) a lot more difficult to keep one foot in your life.

While I know it’s annoying having to be the one to change your own plans to avoid them, it’s for the best if you do so.

Related How dumpers feel after a month and when dumping someone hits the dumper hard!

2. They Still Use You for Emotional Support

Do you find yourself being your ex’s sounding board for their relationship problems, even though you’re not together anymore?

Or maybe they’ve started confiding in you about things that are going on in their life as if you’re still their partner?

While it’s natural to want to help someone you care about, if your ex is using you as a replacement for their therapist or support system, it’s not healthy for either of you.

Your ex isn’t over you if they’re still using you for emotional support, because it’s a sign they haven’t found anyone else to fill that role in their life yet.

Or, it’s just as likely that they don’t want to use anyone else to listen to their problems. They know that by confiding in you they’re keeping you close to them.

Obviously, if you’re over them you’re not going to feel that emotional attachment you once did, but it’s not helping them by listening to them and leading them on.

What you should do about it:

If you don’t want to be your ex’s emotional support system (and it’s really not a good idea to do so) you need to be honest with them.

Tell them that you can’t be their confidante anymore and that they need to find someone else to talk to about their problems.

It’s not being mean, it’s just setting a boundary so that you’re not getting drawn back into their life.

3. They Do Things to Try and Make You Jealous

Do you find your ex is constantly trying to make you jealous?

Some common examples are dating someone just to flaunt it in front of you, talking about their new partner all the time, or trying to show off on social media.

Or, maybe they’ve stopped dating altogether and are putting all their focus on making you jealous by talking about how happy they are without a partner.

Jealousy is a powerful emotion, and one an ex will often try and use to get you to regret splitting or feel like you’re missing out.

What you should do about it:

The best thing you can do in this situation is to evaluate what they are saying or doing objectively and avoid reacting emotionally.

Your ex is trying to get a reaction out of you, so don’t give them the satisfaction.

They’re not over you if they’re trying to make you jealous, so by not reacting you take away any power they’re trying to leverage.

4. They Try and Sabotage Your New Relationships

There are few signs more obvious that an ex isn’t over you or willing to move on than knowing they’re trying to sabotage your new relationship.

This could take the form of badmouthing you to your new partner, trying to turn your friends and family against you, or doing any number of destructive things.

They might even try and undermine your new relationship directly by flirting with you or doing things to get you to break up.

Whatever they’re doing, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that you don’t need this kind of toxic, destructive behavior in your life – nothing good will come of it.

What you should do about it:

This is a situation you’ll need to be both proactive and reactive to, unfortunately.

But what you mustn’t do is get involved with bickering and fighting back and forth.

If they’re doing something that doesn’t impact you, you’re best off ignoring it. When they do something that does impact you, you need to set them straight.

In an ideal world, a chat with them will make them see the error of their ways and they’d stop, but unfortunately, that’s very unlikely.

Related Setting boundaries with an ex and whether or not you should contact your ex explained.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Is Happy without You?

Your ex isn’t over you if they’re showing any of the signs covered above, and it’s also a sign they haven’t found anyone else to fill that role in their life yet.

Even if they’re seeing someone new, they wouldn’t be concerned with what you’re doing if they were happy with their new relationship.

So, however happy they look on social media or whatever they’re telling you, actions always speak louder than words.

If they’re still trying to be a part of your life, and in particular involving themselves in your personal life, they’re not over you and it shows they’re not completely happy.

What Are the Signs That Your Ex Still Loves You?

It’s hard to quantify if your ex ‘loves’ you, but there are a few key signs that your ex hasn’t gotten over you yet, these are:

  • They text or call you often
  • They talk about you to their friends and family
  • They stalk you on social media
  • They show up to places they know you’ll be
  • They try to make you jealous
  • They sabotage your new relationships

If your ex is still doing any of these things, then it’s clear they’re not completely over you yet, no matter what they say.

What Should You Do if Your Ex Won’t Get Over You?

There’s no easy answer to this question, unfortunately.

You can try and talk to them about it and see if they’re willing to change their behavior, but ultimately you can’t make them get over you.

The only thing you can really do is focus on yourself and try to move on with your life.

I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s important to remember that you deserve to be happy, no matter how your ex is feeling.

If your ex isn’t over you, there’s nothing stopping them from moving on and finding someone new, so you should too.

The best thing you can do is focus on yourself, look to the future, learn from your past, and most importantly, love yourself.


Image credits – Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

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