If you’re starting to see – or feel like – a guy is playing you, there are going to be some red flags.
Red flags are basically any behaviors, actions, or any signs that a guy doesn’t want a healthy relationship with you.
Here are 19 clear red flags a guy is playing you and what you should look out for:
19 Red Flags a Guy Is Playing You!
1. You Don’t Know Much About His Past
If a guy is playing you, he’s not going to want to share much about his past with you.
If you press him, he might make up stories or be vague about certain things so it’s important to not always take what he says for granted.
This is a way for him to keep you at a distance and not get too close. It’s a huge red flag, and either way, you deserve someone who is going to be open and honest with you.
2. He Keeps Disappearing for Days or More
If a guy is playing you, he might randomly disappear for days or more without any explanation.
It’s possible he’s seeing other people or that he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
In either case, it’s not fair to you and it’s definitely a red flag.
3. He’s Only interested in You Physically
If a guy is only interested in you physically, it’s a huge red flag that he’s using you to satisfy his needs.
A relationship is about so much more than just intimacy. If he’s not interested in getting to know you on a deeper level, you should question where this is going.
4. You Catch Him Flirting with Other Women
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If you catch him flirting with other women, it’s a clear sign that he’s not interested in being faithful to you.
It doesn’t matter if he says he was just joking around or that he would never actually act on it – the fact that he’s doing it at all is a red flag.
You deserve better than someone who would cheat on you or even flirt with the idea of it!
5. He Hasn’t Introduced You to His Friends or Family
If a guy is playing you, he’s not going to want to introduce you to the people who matter most to him.
This is because he doesn’t want you making a connection with people who know him and asking them things about him.
It’s a major red flag if he always has excuses as to why you can’t meet his friends or family – don’t let him make excuses over this.
6. He Always Has Excuses for Why He Lets You Down
Letting you down is bad enough, always having a lame excuse for letting you down is just rubbing salt into the wound.
If a guy is playing you, he might make up excuses as to why he can’t see you or why he’s canceled plans.
It’s important to not believe everything he says and to not just give him the benefit of the doubt – one or two times is one thing, continually letting you down is another.
7. It’s Obvious He Doesn’t Put You First
If a guy is playing you, he’s not going to put you first.
It may just mean he’s selfish or inconsiderate, but whatever the reason it’s not a healthy relationship behavior.
If you’re not at the top of his list of priorities, it’s important to realize that you deserve better.
You can try talking to him about it and seeing where it goes, but it’s a huge red flag if a guy treats you like this.
8. He Forgets About Things that Are Important to You
If a guy is playing you, he’s not going to make an effort to remember things that are important to you.
This includes your birthday, anniversaries, and any other special occasions.
It might seem like a small thing, but it’s actually a pretty big deal. It shows that he doesn’t care about you or your relationship enough to make an effort.
Some guys are great at pretending they’re listening, but few are good at actually remembering things when they’re just playing around.
9. You Catch Him out Telling Lies
Lying is definitely a red flag in any relationship.
If you keep catching him out telling lies, especially about things to do with where he’s been, how committed he is to the relationship, etc, it’s an indication that he’s a player.
Don’t trust someone who can’t even be honest with you! It’s not worth the hassle, you deserve better and it’s only going to end in heartache.
10. He Gets Really Defensive when You Ask Him Personal Questions
If you ask him personal questions and he gets really defensive, it’s a sign that he doesn’t want to open up to you and that he has something to hide.
This could be because he’s not committed to you, or because he just doesn’t care about you enough to let you in.
Either way, it’s not a good sign and it’s definitely something you should be aware of.
11. He Won’t Tell You Where He Works
If you’re dating or involved with a guy, he shouldn’t have any issue telling you where he works and what he does for a living.
If he’s playing you, he might make up excuses as to why you can’t know where he works or what he does.
This is because he doesn’t want you turning up at his place of work, meeting his coworkers, or finding out things about him.
It’s a definite red flag if your guy won’t tell you these things – don’t let him fob you off when you ask questions about his work.
12. Sometimes He Has to Leave Suddenly
Oftentimes when a guy is playing you, he’ll have to leave suddenly and won’t tell you where he’s going or what he’s doing.
This is because he doesn’t want you to know what he’s up to or who he’s really with – as it usually means he’s off to see his wife or another woman.
If your guy does this, it’s important to confront him and ask him where he’s really going or let him know it’s not acceptable.
13. He Won’t Make Future Plans with You
If a guy is not serious about your relationship, he probably won’t want to make any future plans with you.
This is because he doesn’t want to commit to anything long-term as he’s using you or just sees you as a bit of fun.
It can be really hurtful to face up to this fact, but it’s a common red flag in relationships where the guy is playing around or not serious.
14. He Always Hides His Phone from You
If your guy is always hiding his phone from you, it’s obvious that he doesn’t want you to see who he’s been texting or calling.
This could be because he’s cheating on you or just because he has something to hide.
Either way, I think you know that it’s not a good sign.
I’m not suggesting you snoop through his phone or ask him to see who he’s been texting, but you’ll know if he’s being overly protective about his phone.
15. You Can’t Find Him on Social Media
If you try to find your guy on social media and he’s not there, it’s definitely a red flag.
In this day and age, most people are on at least one form of social media, so if your guy is nowhere to be found, it’s suspicious.
It could be that he’s blocked you, hidden his profiles, or goes under a different name online – whatever it is, it’s something to bring up to him to see what he says.
16. He Admits to Cheating on His Past Partners
If your guy has cheated on his past partners, there’s a good chance he’ll cheat on you too.
Of course, everyone makes mistakes and can change, but it’s definitely something to be aware of if your guy has a history of cheating.
It’s not necessarily a deal-breaker, but it is something you need to talk about. It’s also a little strange that he would volunteer this information to you!
17. He Always Tells Stories to Make You Feel Sorry for Him
If your guy is always telling stories to make you feel sorry for him, it’s a sign that he’s manipulating you.
Of course, everyone goes through tough times and needs a shoulder to cry on occasionally, but if it’s always your guy who is the one with the sob story, be wary.
It could be that he’s trying to divert your attention away from finding out more about him, or he just wants you to feel sorry for him and not press him on any issues.
Whatever his reasoning is, it’s a toxic relationship behavior and you need to distance yourself and not play his games.
18. You’ve Heard Rumors that He Might Be Married
If you’ve heard rumors that your guy might be married, it’s definitely something to look into.
Of course, rumors are often just that – rumors – but if there are multiple people saying the same thing, there might be some truth to it.
The best thing to do would be to directly ask him about it and see what he says.
It’s not uncommon for married guys to be players. Don’t let him fob you off with excuses about being separated, he should have been honest with you from the start.
19. Something Just Doesn’t Feel Right About Him
If you’ve been dating a guy for a while and something just doesn’t feel right about him, it’s probably because it isn’t.
You know yourself better than anyone else, so trust your gut instinct on this one.
It could be that he’s not being entirely truthful with you or that there are things he’s keeping from you.
Have you been checking things off from this list, too?
You shouldn’t ignore the red flags a guy is playing you – because no matter how much you want to trust and believe in him, it’s likely he’s playing you.
Image credits – Photo by Aejaz Memon on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.