If your boyfriend has no friends, is this a red flag?
Does it mean there is something ‘wrong’ with him, or that he’s going to be difficult to get along with?
It can mean this, yes. But there are also a number of other reasons that may explain why he doesn’t have any friends.
Before judging him, or worse, getting on his case about why he doesn’t have any friends, you first need to understand his situation.
Is It a Red Flag if Your Boyfriend Has No Friends?
If you’ve just started dating your boyfriend, or maybe you’re still not sure if you want to be in a relationship with him, don’t let his lack of friends be a red flag that turns you off him.
At least not until you’ve gotten to know him well enough to understand his personality and why he doesn’t have many – if any – friends.
The main questions you need to ask yourself, and possibly even ask your boyfriend are:
- Does he want to make friends?
- Is he struggling with depression/mental health issues?
- Has he simply moved recently and left his friends behind?
- Does he struggle to keep friends?
Basically, you really need to get a better understanding of your boyfriend’s stance in regard to making friends.
If he doesn’t have many friends because he’s too invested in his work, has moved recently, or drifted apart from his friends due to his lifestyle choices, it might not be a red flag.
As long as you can see your boyfriend is living a healthy life and making good life choices, it doesn’t have to be a red flag.
After all, there must be something special about him if he’s caught your attention, right?
On the other hand, if it’s clear that he’s losing friends because he’s difficult to get along with, making bad lifestyle choices, and other destructive reasons – this is a red flag.
What Does It Mean When a Man Has No Friends?
When a man doesn’t have many friends it can mean a number of things. But it usually means he finds it hard to make friends or find people with stuff in common with him.
This is usually due to a lack of confidence or self-esteem. When someone is not confident or lacking self-esteem, they have a low opinion of themselves.
This often manifests in them thinking they’re not good enough for others and that they won’t be a good friend – which is obviously not true.
How to Help Your Boyfriend Get Some Friends
If your boyfriend wants to make friends, but just needs a little help, one of the best things you can do for him is to help him make some friends.
Sure, he might be socially awkward, a little weird (in a good way), and find it difficult to connect with people.
But guess what? Everything takes practice, and there are always other people who feel the same way he does.
Some of the things you can do to help him – without doing all the work – are:
Be Positive and Encourage Him
At the root of not being able to make many friends is a lack of confidence, self-esteem, and the fear of being rejected.
As a supportive partner, you should always be trying to help improve your partner’s confidence and self-esteem. As he should also be doing for you.
Make sure you never make him feel bad about not having any friends. Always support him and reassure him that he would make a great friend for anyone – as I’m sure he will!
Start Conversations for Him
Breaking the ice or starting a conversation is what causes the most anxiety for most people. It’s that dreaded rejection that most people fear, I’m sure we’ve all been there to some extent.
If you’re better than your boyfriend at starting or holding conversations, there’s nothing wrong with you chipping in and helping him out.
Make sure you discuss this with your boyfriend first. You don’t want to step on his toes, hurt his ego, or make him feel embarrassed in any way.
Ask Within Your Circle of Friends
If you can find someone within your circle of friends and family members that has some stuff in common with your partner, you should introduce them.
It reduces one or two of the most awkward steps in the making friend’s process. That being finding someone who is good friend material and breaking the ice.
Do Some Role Play Together
Speaking with strangers and having a conversation is a bit like being good at job interviews, it’s nerve-racking – but it’s something that can be improved through practice.
One of the best things you can do to help improve your boyfriend’s confidence and arm him with things to say when he finds himself in that situation is to run through it with him.
It’s going to feel a little goofy at first, but this is actually very important. If your boyfriend has to step out of his comfort zone to do role play, even better.
Run through what he should and shouldn’t say when having conversations with people. The better the conversationalist he is, the more likely he is to make new friends.
Related – Is your boyfriend making you feel insecure?
Don’t take your boyfriend’s lack of friends as a red flag without looking into why he doesn’t have any friends.
Sometimes there is a legitimate reason, and often, men want friends but find it difficult to form new friendships.
If your boyfriend needs a little help, you should do whatever you can to help him meet new people and start making friends.
His confidence will grow as a result, and you’ll get to enjoy your relationship more with your boyfriend – it’s a win-win!
Image credits – Photo by Justus Menke on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.