Help! My Boyfriend Is Moody and I’m Insecure (Tips and Advice)

It’s difficult, frustrating, and emotionally draining to deal with a partner who goes through mood swings from hot to cold on a regular basis.

If you combine this with the fact that you’re insecure within yourself or about your relationship, you have a catalyst for disaster.

It doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is doomed, however.

If you – and your boyfriend – are willing to work on the relationship, you can certainly make progress and strengthen your bond.

In this article, I’m going to explain how you can help your boyfriend address the root cause of his moodiness and help you identify how to work on your insecurities.

Why Is My Boyfriend Moody?

There is a long list of reasons why your boyfriend – or anyone for that matter – exhibits moody behavior.

As its root, however, moodiness stems from an unwillingness to face up to, confront, and work through some sort of issue.

Is important that you know that it’s never your fault when your boyfriend is being moody with you, no matter how he acts or what he says to you.

Also, but you can’t start to help your boyfriend, and he can’t help himself until he admits that he’s being moody and it’s damaging your relationship.

When he does reach that point – and I really hope you do – there is a lot you can do to support him and help him deal with his issues.

Related – Reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t invite you to family gatherings.

How Do I Deal With a Moody Boyfriend?

How you talk and act around your boyfriend when he’s being moody is going to be the difference between escalating the situation, and taking steps to alleviate the moods.

Some important things you can do to help him are:

Don’t react angrily – It’s incredibly important that you don’t get angry or fight back when he’s being moody.

This is often easier said than done if he’s being spiteful or saying hurtful things, but if you react it’s only going to escalate the situation.

Look at what set him off – It’s not always easy to identify the particular event or a trigger that sets off a bad mood, but if you can, that’s great.

You can talk to your boyfriend about why this certain thing triggers him and use it to start a dialogue on how to avoid this trigger.

Open up communication – Your boyfriend is not going to be able to change his moody behavior without communication, it’s as simple as that.

Your best approach is to empathize first, then explain that you understand him and want to help, and gradually open up the lines of communication.

Explain the effect it’s having on you and the relationship – There is a good chance that your boyfriend is so wrapped up in his own moods, he doesn’t know exactly how it’s affecting you.

Without blaming or judging him, explain how it’s making you feel and the impact it is having on your relationship.

Signs You’re Insecure

Some level of insecurity isn’t uncommon.

If your insecurities are compromising your quality of life or having a negative impact on your relationship, however, you need to do something about it.

The American Psychological Association defines insecurity as:

a feeling of inadequacy, lack of self-confidence, and inability to cope, accompanied by general uncertainty and anxiety about one’s goals, abilities, or relationships with others.

If any of that sounds familiar, you’re insecure and it’s likely your boyfriend’s moodiness is only adding to your insecurities.

Lack of emotional support from the people closest to us is one of the main causes of insecurity.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t compliment you, reassure you, and offer the kind of emotional support that forms the bond of a strong relationship, it’s incredibly difficult to shake that insecure feeling.

Tackling your boyfriend’s moody behavior as covered above will be a huge step in helping you gain confidence in yourself and your relationship.

It’s important that you also communicate your insecurities with other friends and family around you. Having a strong support network is essential, as is having someone to talk to.

Is It Ok to Tell Your Boyfriend You’re Insecure?

Telling your boyfriend you’re insecure is going to be an incredibly difficult thing to do, but it’s an important step in your relationship.

The nature of being insecure means you’re going to feel very vulnerable, and it’s normal to be scared of his reaction.

I can’t tell you what your boyfriend is going to say, but the bottom line is that if your boyfriend is not in a place mentally or emotionally to hear you out and support you, you can’t be in a healthy relationship.

I’m not suggesting you give up and walk away if your boyfriend’s not ready to talk openly about your insecurities with the relationship and how you feel.

But keep in mind that if you can’t keep taking steps forward, you’re never going to feel secure and happy with him.

Should I Break up With My Moody Boyfriend?

Whether or not you should break up with your boyfriend because he’s moody is a question I can’t answer for you.

What I can tell you is that you need to evaluate the impact his moods are having on you and your relationship, and whether or not you think there’s any hope for him to change in the future.

Too many people feel trapped in toxic relationships as they take up the role of healer or think their boyfriends will be worse if they leave.

When the reality is that you need to think about your own mental and emotional health first.

If you’ve put forth all the necessary effort and can’t get your boyfriend to open and talk with you.

Or, if he’s made promises time and time again, then broke them – it’s probably time to call it quits.

---

Image credits – Photo by Haley Rivera on Unsplash