Has your husband cheated on you and you’re not able to get over it.
It’s important you know that infidelity is incredibly hard to forgive, and it’s hard for most relationships to survive.
Even for the couples that stay together after one spouse has had an affair, things are never the same.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t forgive your husband, and it doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to deal with and live with the pain.
If you want to stay with your husband, the two of you can work through it – here are some reasons why you’re finding it hard to get over his cheating:
9 Reasons Why Women Find It Hard to Get Over Their Husband’s Affair
1. You’ve Not Given It Long Enough
There is no set time frame for how long it takes to get over your partner having an affair.
It could take weeks, or it could take years. There is no way for me to tell you how long you need.
One thing I do know is that it takes time to get over an affair, and it’s almost always longer than people think.
If you’re committed to your marriage and your relationship with your husband but you’re finding it difficult to get over what happened, it’s almost certainly too soon.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to forgive and forget so you can get back to ‘normal’ or back to feeling happy.
In time, you will be able to do one or both of these things, but there are other steps that come first.
2. You Feel Like the Affair Is Still Happening
You can’t get over an affair if it feels like it is (or it actually is) still happening.
This might be because your husband is still seeing the other woman, or because he’s not doing enough to make you feel secure in the relationship.
It could also be because you’re having a hard time forgetting what happened and you keep going over it in your head.
Your husband needs to reassure you that he’s not seeing or speaking to the other woman at all, and you need more time to get past these feelings.
3. He Hasn’t Been Completely Honest With You
If your husband is still hiding things from you about the affair, it’s going to be hard for you to move on.
This is because part of moving on from an affair is being able to trust your husband again, and that’s difficult if he’s not being completely honest with you.
It might be telling you that he’s not ready, or he doesn’t want to hurt you more. But most women want to hear everything and it’s an important part of their healing process.
4. You Haven’t Talked It Out Thoroughly
If you’re still holding things in and you haven’t been able to talk about the affair properly, it will always be difficult for you to move on.
You’ll keep playing these things over in your head, and this will just result in you conjuring things up.
It’s important that you’re both able to talk about what happened, how it made you feel, and what needs to change in order for there to be trust again.
5. You’ve Not Taken the Time to Heal Yourself
If you’re still holding onto a lot of pain and hurt, it’s going to be difficult for you to move on from the affair.
You need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of what you thought your relationship was.
This might mean taking some time out for yourself, practicing self-care like meditating, or spending time with friends and family.
You shouldn’t rule out seeking professional help to deal with the emotions you’re feeling, too.
6. You’re Still Looking for Someone to Blame
It’s natural to want to find someone to blame when something goes wrong in a relationship.
But if you’re still fixated on who is to blame for the affair, it will be difficult for you to move on.
You need to accept that what happened was a result of both of your actions and focus on the future now, but put the blame behind you.
Related – How to handle your husband confiding in another woman or having an emotional affair.
7. You Haven’t Addressed the Real Reasons Behind the Affair
If you’re still trying to figure out why your husband had an affair, you just can’t fully move on.
Understanding the underlying reason, not just the ‘how’s’ and ‘when’s’ is crucial to really understand where the cracks in your relationship were forming.
This should all come out when the two of you discuss why the affair in an open and honest way.
8. You Kept Expecting Things to Go Back to How They Were
If you’ve been trying to sweep the affair under the rug and just move on like it never happened, it’s not going to work.
Infidelity has some long-term effects, some women will even experience symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress.
This is why it’s crucial to address what happened head-on before you can start to rebuild your relationship.
This means being open and honest with each other about how you’re both feeling, setting some boundaries, and accepting that things are going to be different going forward.
This doesn’t have to be a bad thing, per se.
Many couples have a stronger relationship after getting through one spouse cheating, but it’s never exactly the same.
9. You Need Professional Help, Together or Separately
If you’ve been trying to move on from the affair but just can’t seem to get past it, it might be time to seek professional help.
This is something you can do together as a couple, or separately if need be.
It’s important that you both want to try and work through this together though, as it’s going to take a lot of effort from both of you.
Moving on from an affair is hard, but it’s not impossible.
If you’ve tried everything you can think of and are still finding it difficult to get past what happened, it might be time to seek professional help.
Remember, you’re not alone in this and there are people out there who can help you through this tough time.
Should You Forgive Your Husband for Having an Affair?
I can’t tell you if you should forgive your husband, or how long it’ll take.
I can tell you that studies have shown that the act of forgiveness is going to be beneficial to your health though, and obviously, it’ll help you move forward.
If you’re struggling to forgive your husband for cheating on you, it’s important to remember that forgiveness is a process, not a destination.
It might take some time, but if you want to forgive him, eventually, you will get there.
How Cheating Affects Women Differently Than Men
The effects of cheating are often different for women than they are for men.
For one, women tend to blame themselves more after an affair.
They might think that if they were more like what their husband desired, or paid more attention to their husband, he wouldn’t have cheated.
This isn’t the case though, and it’s important for women to remember that an affair is not their fault.
Women also tend to have a harder time moving on after an affair than men do.
This is likely because they form stronger emotional attachments than men and feel betrayed more easily.
If you’re a woman who has been cheated on, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling.
There are many other women who have gone through the same thing, and there are resources out there to help you through this tough time.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to your support network or some of the resources readily available online.
Image credits – Photo by Cody Board on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.