I’ve heard it so many times… “my boyfriend can go days without talking me, should I be worried?”
The answer is – it depends.
It depends on whether or not you’ve had a fight or an argument, if his behavior of not talking to you is new, and how it’s affecting the relationship.
Either way, it never feels good to not hear from your boyfriend for days. But before you panic and jump to the conclusion that he doesn’t care about you, please read on:
Is It Normal to Not Talk for Days in a Relationship?
I wouldn’t say it’s “normal” for partners in a relationship not to talk for days, but it’s not unheard of and it’s not always a bad thing.
In fact, a bit of space can be healthy for a relationship and it works out great for some couples.
Obviously, if you live under the same roof and you’re tiptoeing around each other not saying a word, that’s not right.
Not talking for a couple of days when you live apart and have busy lives is what I’m talking about.
The real question is, how does it make you feel?
If not speaking makes your heart grow fonder and excites you to speak with your boyfriend when you do, that’s awesome.
Also, if you do message him out of the blue, your boyfriend should reply. If he’s going radio silent and not replying for days, that’s cause for concern.
Related – Is it a red flag if your boyfriend has no friends?
Why Does My Boyfriend Go Days Without Texting Me?
If you’re trying to better understand your boyfriend and why he goes days without texting you, there are a few common reasons for this:
He Likes His Alone Time
Some guys – and let’s be honest, this applies to guys more than girls – like their alone time and don’t feel the need to text often.
Most guys enjoy physical and in-person connections rather than long-distance communications like phone calls and texting, this might be how your boyfriend feels.
He’s Incredibly Busy
It’s never really a good excuse when someone says they’re “too busy” to text. Texting only takes a minute, no one is too busy to spend a minute sending a text, right?
Well, I hate to say it, but for some guys, if they’re bad at managing their time, prioritizing, or get stressed easily, this might actually be the reason why they don’t text for days.
He’s Just Not a Thoughtful Person
Some people are just not very thoughtful. They don’t remember the birthdays of their family members, forget to turn up stuff, and just don’t text their partners very often.
I would like to tell you that he will change – or that you can change him and make him more thoughtful – but there is no way I can guarantee that!
He Thinks He’s Doing the Right Thing
Some guys – and this is more common in new relationships – think that they will come across as too keen or demanding if they text too often – so they wait for you to text.
This can be cleared up by talking to your boyfriend. Let him know you want to hear from him, it’s never going to feel demanding, and he can text you whenever he wants to.
He’s Not Into the Relationship
I don’t want you to jump to conclusions, but I do have to state the worst-case scenario.
If your boyfriend is distant along with not talking to you for days at a time, it might be a red flag and a sign that he’s not as into you as you are to him.
You’re going to need to bring up the topic and ask him. It’s better to be upfront than to speculate.
Related – Here’s how to tell if you’re being ghosted by your boyfriend.
How Long Should You Go Without Talking to Your Boyfriend After a Fight?
If your boyfriend has not spoken to you for a few days after a fight, it’s time to be the one to reach out and speak to him.
I understand that couples need space after a fight. Some people need that time more than others, and you have to respect that if your boyfriend wants space.
But the longer you leave it before talking, the worse the outcome is going to be.
The longer you both go without speaking, the more distance there will be between the two of you and the more time any bad feelings have to manifest.
I will be clear about one thing – you should never try and resolve an argument when emotions are high.
But for most people, sleeping on an argument or waiting 24 hours should be more than enough to discuss the argument with a clear head.
Even if your boyfriend clearly needs longer than a day to get over it, you should at least remain in contact by dropping him a short text telling him you’re there when he’s ready.
Should You Be the First to Text?
If you and your partner, boyfriend, husband, etc. have not spoken for days, should you be the first to break the silence?
This comes down to your individual situation and how you feel about it, but generally speaking, if you want to get back on speaking terms you should text him.
It’s not a case of winning or losing, and there is nothing wrong with being the one to always text first to start a conversation.
Obviously, it can get tiring over time and I understand that it doesn’t feel good to always be the one doing the ‘chasing’ in a relationship.
But as I explained above, for several reasons, some guys will just not text their girlfriends often – it doesn’t mean they don’t want to hear from you.
The best thing you can do is talk openly to your boyfriend about how it makes you feel, and ask them to be more thoughtful in the future.
This will be enough to make most guys text or talk more often.
If it doesn’t, you need to decide if you’re happy to be in a relationship where your boyfriend goes silent for days at a time or not.
Image credits – Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.