Being ghosted sucks.
It hurts, it never feels good, and it’s often confusing as to why someone would choose to ghost someone over just telling them where they stand.
But for some people, it’s just easier to ghost someone than it is to face up to how they really feel.
But, if you’re being ghosted, you deserve to know why.
In this article, I’m going to explain why calling out someone you ghosted you is the right thing to do – and how you should go about it the right way:
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting is a relatively new term, it really only started being used within the last 10 years.
In the dictionary, the term ‘Ghosting’ is defined as:
the act or practice of abruptly cutting off all contact with someone (such as a former romantic partner) usually without explanation by no longer accepting or responding to phone calls, instant messages, etc.
This is how the term is most commonly used. Ghosting means that one person suddenly stops communicating with another, much to the frustration of the person being ghosted.
How Do You Know if Someone Is Ghosting You?
Being ghosted never feels good.
But before you jump to conclusions, you need to be sure that someone is deliberately ghosting you before calling them out.
When someone is ghosting someone it doesn’t always mean they cut all ties and go radio silence, either.
Some people will still be in contact and give someone just enough contact to not raise an alarm but to also keep that person at arm’s length.
Some of the signs you’re being ghosted – and that the other person isn’t just busy – includes:
- They’re always making excuses (that don’t seem true) why they can’t meet up.
- They don’t react or reach out if they see or hear you’re going through a tough time.
- When they do text, they don’t ask open questions or seem interested in you.
- They unfollow or block you on social media.
- They are slow to reply – if they reply at all when you contact them.
Calling Out Someone Who Ghosted You – What to Say and Do
If you feel that you’re being ghosted, the best thing you can do is call that person out and ask them what’s going on.
Take it from me, as difficult as it may feel for you to call them out – it’ll be more difficult and uncomfortable for them.
Here are a few things you can try depending on the type of relationship you have with the person:
Calling someone out for ghosting you in-person is usually the hardest way to do it, but it’s also the most satisfying and the best way to get an answer.
Plus, if you’ve been blocked online it might be the only way you can speak to them.
A few things you can say (that aren’t too confrontational) are:
- “I thought we were both adults, but you’re not acting like one by avoiding me. Want to tell me why?”
- “Good to see you, but it’s taken so long for you to get back to me I’m over it now.”
- “You didn’t need to ghost me, I’m big enough to hear what you think about me without hurting my feelings.”
Most communications are handled by text message these days. This makes it even hurtful to be ghosted because you know they have their phone on them at all times.
A few things you can text to find out what’s going on to letting them know you’re moving on are:
- “Just wondering if you’re getting these texts, because I’m assuming you’re more mature than to ghost me instead of talk to me.”
- “I know you’re receiving these text messages – want to tell me why you’re not getting back to me?”
- “If you’re ghosting me can you please just tell me, I want to move on with my life, thanks.”
Using Social Media
If you think someone is ghosting you and you can see they’re updating their social media, you can drop in and leave a public message to get their attention.
A few things you can say are:
- “Are you checking your DMs? I’ve sent you a message, thanks!”
- “Looks like you’re having fun, want to tell me why you’ve been ignoring my messages?”
- “It’s weird that you ghost people when you’re so public about what you’re doing on social media.”
What to Say When Someone Ghosts You After a Date
Being ghosted by someone after you’ve been on a date is very frustrating and upsetting.
Everyone wants – and deserves – to know where they stand after a date, whether it’s good or bad.
If your date is giving you the silent treatment, here are some of the things you should text/message/send them to either get a response or make them feel bad:
- “Hey, I get the feeling you’re ghosting me so I’ll stop messaging you, have a good life.”
- “I thought we had a good night, obviously you don’t feel the same so this is me saying we should both move on.”
- “Just an FYI, next time you go on a date with someone please have the decency to let them know how it went for you.”
- “It’s a shame you’ve gone radio silent on me instead of just letting me know you didn’t want to see me again, but message received.”
- “I get that we’re not on the same page, a quick message wouldn’t hurt though.”
- “Do you just ghost everyone you don’t want to see again?”
- “After meeting you, I wouldn’t have thought you would behave like this – but it is what it is.”
- “Was it something I said or did that made you ghost me?”
- “I was hoping we could have been friends at least, but I guess that was too much to ask.”
- “I’m a little surprised you’re acting this way, but never mind, goodbye.”
Is It Ok to Call Someone Out for Ghosting?
If you’re being ghosted and you feel like they’ve done you wrong or it’s really bothering you and you want answers, it’s fine to call someone out for ghosting.
I’ve seen a lot of people say there is no point calling someone out as they’re only going to carry on ignoring you – but, unless you try you’ll never know.
Even if they choose to ignore you when you’re calling them out, you’ve let them know how you feel.
That counts for a lot in my book.
Keep in mind that most people ghost because they’re scared to let someone know how they feel and what they might say back.
So speak your mind to them anyway. It’s not about having the last word or ‘winning’, but it is about getting any kind of closure that you can for your own peace of mind.
How Did It Go For You?
If you have any stories or want to share what happened when you called someone out for ghosting you, I’d love to hear about it.
Feel free to leave me a comment below, thanks.
Image credits – Photo by June Aye on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.