I’ve heard it a number of times; “My husband wants to be alone all the time, what does it mean?”
Should you worry if your husband is spending lots of time alone? And more so, not interacting with you or providing the emotional support you need.
The answer is, yes, you should be concerned, and yes, your husband is clearly going through some difficulties if he prefers spending time alone over spending time with you.
Just how bad of a situation it is in terms of your relationship depends on exactly what your husband is going through.
Here is a look at some of the common reasons men start to become withdrawn from their partners, see if any of this sounds familiar:
Why Would Your Husband Want to Be Alone? 3 Reasons
He’s Feeling Hurt
Disagreements, arguments, and falling out is common in a marriage – or any relationship between two people for that matter.
If your husband is being withdrawn, he may be feeling hurt, offended, or betrayed in some way.
It might even be that you’re not aware exactly why, or how he got offended. You may have had an argument, or he might be sensitive and picked up on something else that you’re not aware of.
He’s Not As Invested in the Relationship
When a marriage is breaking down it can be hard for the spouse who doesn’t want to split to acknowledge just how bad things are.
If your husband has been slowly distancing himself from you over time, it’s very likely to correlate with how invested he’s feeling about the marriage.
He’s Dealing With Mental Health Issues
If your husband is feeling depressed, anxious, or struggling with any other mental health issues, this can cause him to retreat into his shell.
It’s a difficult one to deal with as it might be to do with his work, family relationships, illness, or any number of other things that you can’t control.
Related – Want to know if your husband is telling the truth? Read this.
How to Deal With Your Husband Who Wants to Be Alone
There are many paths that lead to getting to the root of the reason why your husband wants to be alone, and ultimately how to help him.
The core of most solutions will always revolve around you establishing good communication, being understanding and empathetic, and being willing to work with your husband.
You’re only going to be able to truly understand the reasons why he wants to be alone if he opens up and tells you (not someone else).
If you want to fight for your marriage, that’s what you’re going to have to do. Don’t push your husband away, get frustrated, or judge him, it’ll only make him withdraw more.
Let him know that it’s obvious he’s spending a lot of time alone, and explain how it’s affecting you and making you feel.
If he wants to change and wants to work on your marriage, like you do, he will open up and start taking steps to change.
What Is Emotional Abandonment in Marriage?
Emotional abandonment is the cause of many marriages and relationships ending, and one partner wanting to be alone is a huge driving factor in this.
If one person is not meeting the emotional needs of their partner, this is emotional abandonment.
For a relationship to be healthy and thrive, there needs to be nurturing, appreciation, attention, affection, love, intimacy, and companionship to mention just a few of the core emotions.
If one partner, in this case, your husband is being distant, then he’s not able to provide the level of emotional support you need.
I’m sure you’re feeling the effects of his neglect. You’re lonely, you feel unloved, you’re confused as to why he wants to be alone… it’s normal to feel like this.
How Much Alone Time Is Normal in a Marriage?
Finding the perfect balance of how much time to spend together and how much time apart is one of the hardest things in a marriage.
Everybody is different and has different needs in terms of the emotional and physical connection they need from a partner, as well as the mental stimulation and other needs.
If one spouse requires a lot of attention and the other doesn’t, this can cause some compatibility issues.
It’s also important for married couples to spend time alone. This helps the heart grow fonder, of course, but also allows you to explore your own interests and hobbies.
The general rule of thumb is that a 75/25 split is healthy. This means you spend 75% of your time with your spouse, and 25% doing your own thing.
When one spouse starts to become more withdrawn and starts spending more time alone, however, this is a different issue.
It should be fun and rewarding for both spouses to spend time apart. You should want to have the freedom to do things with friends and family, or even on your own.
Just as you should both be excited to be back together spending time with one another.
So, ultimately, to answer the question; how much alone time is normal in a marriage?
The answer is whatever feels right for the two of you that keeps you excited to spend time together, and not resentful that the other is spending too much time alone.
Image credits – Photo by Amir Hosseini on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.