If you or someone you know is involved in an extramarital affair, I’m sure you know how serious the situation is.
Someone is going to get hurt, that’s just inevitable.
You may think that it’s just a ‘fling’ or it’s not serious, but that’s rarely the case with affairs.
The burning question is; can extramarital affairs be true love?
Well, here are 15 signs that your extramarital is or has turned into love and has become serious:
Can Extramarital Affairs Be True Love? 15 Signs It Already Has Become Love!
1. Your ‘Butterflies’ Are Intense When You See Them
We’ve all felt butterflies in our stomachs when we see someone we’re attracted to or have strong feelings for someone.
That’s perfectly normal, and it’s usually reserved for an intense crush or our partners.
When you start getting those butterflies around your extramarital partner and especially if they’re more intense than it ever was with your partner, it’s a sign that your feelings have turned into something more.
2. It Makes You Jealous to See Them with Their Partner
Jealousy is a negative emotion, but it tells us a lot about how we feel for someone or difficult situations.
When you entered into an extramarital affair, you would have known that the person you’re cheating with had a partner.
If you’re now getting jealous of your partner’s spouse or significant other, it means that on some level, you want what they have.
I would say this is a clear sign that it’s either true love or some strong emotional attachment.
3. You’re Literally Thinking About Them All Day and Night
This is a classic sign of someone being in love, so it’s going to apply to you and your extramarital affair if you can’t stop thinking about them day and night.
It doesn’t matter if you’re at work, with your partner or kids, at the gym, or even trying to sleep; they’re always on your mind.
It could be their smile, the way they smell, a particular moment you shared together; anything that reminds you of them and makes you think about them.
The fact that they’re taking up all of your thought space is a very obvious sign that true love is developing.
4. You Tell Them Things You Wouldn’t Tell Your Partner
Trust is everything in a relationship. Once trust is gone, it’s really hard to see where you go with your relationship and how you can repair it.
Obviously, having an affair and cheating on your partner is a huge betrayal of trust and that’s always going to be hard to work through.
But for many couples, an emotional affair or the emotional side of an affair is even more difficult to forgive and work through.
If you’re in that place with your affair where you’re willing to confide in them and tell the personal things you wouldn’t even tell your partner, that’s a deep emotional connection.
This is a sign that you’re in love with them on a much deeper level than most affairs and it certainly isn’t just physical.
5. You Feel Stronger for Them than You Ever Did for Your Partner
It’s always hard to compare feelings for different people as there are no two exact same situations.
However, if you know deep down that your feelings for your affair are much stronger than they ever were for your partner, this is a sign that you’re in love.
It’s one thing to have a physical connection with someone and enjoy their company, but if you feel like your affair understands you and ‘gets’ you on a much deeper level, that’s a sign of true love.
It’s also a sign that you might not be able to go back to your partner and things will never be the same, even if you want them to be.
6. You No Longer Care if You Get Caught
I bet when you first entered into your affair, you were very careful about not getting caught.
You would have been very mindful of not leaving any evidence, being careful about what you said, and meeting in the most precarious of situations.
But as your feelings have developed, you might not care so much about getting caught.
You might be willing to take more risks, be more open about your affair, and not care who knows.
If this is the case, this is a sign that your feelings have progressed to a point where you want to be with your affair and not your current partner.
It sounds like love to me.
At the very least you love your affair more and have stronger feelings for them than you do for your partner.
7. You Can Be Your True Self when You’re with Them
This is a big one when talking about personal expression, development, and enabling you to be your best and happiest self.
If you feel like you can be your true self with your affair and don’t feel the need to try and impress them in any way, I’m sure you’ll agree that’s special.
It’s a sign of true love and shows that you’re confident and comfortable around them.
8. You Can’t Stop Smiling When You Think of Them
You know that feeling every time you think of someone or something and you can’t stop smiling?
That’s how you should feel all the time when you’re in love, so if you find yourself smiling all the time it’s a sign that your affair is definitely true love.
I bet you smile just thinking about them or when you receive a message, it’s a beautiful thing.
I know it’s an affair that’s making you feel like this, but you should still consider yourself blessed.
9. Life Is More Exciting and Thrilling
When you’re in love, life just feels more exciting.
You should feel like you can’t wait to see what the future holds and you’re just excited about life in general.
If your affair is making you feel this way, it’s definitely love.
Some people call it being on cloud nine, being giddy with euphoria, there are loads of ways of describing the feelings that love brings.
10. You’re Constantly Dreaming About a Future Together
Affairs are usually about living in the moment, particularly when it comes to the hedonism of the chase, secrecy, and time you spend with your affair.
If you’re starting to think more about what the future will look like together, that’s a sign you’re in love.
It might be something as simple as thinking about what it would be like to go on vacation together or what it would be like to introduce them to your friends.
These are all signs that you’re in love with your affair and not just enjoying it for as long as it’s going to last.
11. You Cherish Anything They’ve Given You
If you find yourself cherishing anything your affair has given you, whether it’s a material item or just something they said to you, it’s a sign of love.
It shows that you really value them and what they think of you.
You might have a physical item that they gave you that you take care of and keep safe or maybe you just remember something they said to you when you’re feeling down.
Either way, if their words and actions are having this kind of impact on you they’re hitting you deep inside.
12. You Know You Would Do Anything They Asked of You
This is a really big one.
If you find yourself in a position where you would do anything your affair asks of you, even telling your partner about the affair, it’s a sign that you’re in love.
It’s a scary place to be, but if your feelings are this strong then you know what the right thing to do is.
You might not be ready to come out and tell your partner about the affair yet, but if you know that’s what it would take to be with your affair then it’s definitely love.
13. You’re Deliberately Trying to Sabotage Your Current Relationship
If you’re starting to sabotage your current relationship, it’s a sign that you’re in love with your affair and you want to be with them.
You might not be doing it consciously, but your actions will be driven by the fact that you want to be with your affair.
You might start picking fights with your partner over little things, neglecting them, or even daring them to leave you.
It’s not a nice thing to do and I’m sure you don’t want to act in such a toxic manner, but if your feelings are this strong it’s hard not to resent your current partner.
14. You Feel a Deep Sense of Compassion for Them
Most of us feel compassion for others. I’m sure you’re a kind, compassionate person, but there is a difference between caring for someone and being deeply compassionate about the people we love.
When you’re in love, you’ll find yourself feeling a much deeper sense of compassion for your affair.
You’ll want to help them with their problems, you’ll feel their pain, and you’ll do whatever you can to make them happy.
It’s a beautiful thing to be able to feel so deeply for someone and if you’re feeling this way it’s definitely love.
15. You Literally Cannot Wait to See Them Again
This is one of the most obvious signs that you’re in love, although it can easily be confused with lust.
When you’re in love, you’ll find yourself counting down the minutes until you can see your affair again.
You’ll be thinking about them all the time and you’ll be planning your next meeting even before the current one has finished sometimes!
It’s exciting and thrilling, it’s also a sign of a very deep connection.
So Your Extramarital Affairs Has Turned Into Love, What’s Next?
If you’re reading this and thinking “oh no, I think I’m in love with my affair,” then don’t worry, you’re not alone.
It’s a scary realization to come to, but it’s also an exciting one.
The question is, what do you do next?
There’s no easy answer and it’s something you’ll need to spend some time thinking about.
If you’re sure that your feelings are real and you want to act on them, then the first step is to talk to your affair about it.
See how they feel and take it from there.
If you’re not ready to tell them yet or you don’t think it would be a good idea, then try talking to a therapist or counselor about your feelings.
They can help you to understand them better and figure out what the best course of action is.
Something you’re probably running from that you’ll need to confront at some point is that if your feelings have gone this far it’s going to be hard to keep it to yourself forever.
Some people do, for sure. But it’s a heavy burden to bear and it will take a toll on you and your relationship over time.
Now you know that extramarital affairs can become true love, I hope you’re able to understand what feelings you have for your affair and what the best course of action is for you to find true happiness.
Image credits – Photo by kevin laminto on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.