If you’re sleeping with a married man, I’m sure you’re aware that you’re in a tricky situation.
It can become emotionally draining and stressful being involved with a married man.
Then there is the ongoing risk that his wife might find out, whether or not he will leave her, and more.
If you want to be better prepared, here are 10 (unspoken) rules for sleeping with a married man:
10 Unspoken Rules for Sleeping With A Married Man
1. Find Out Where You Stand From The Start
Noone wants to find themselves involved with a married man, but it happens for a number of reasons.
One of the best things you can do if you find yourself getting involved with a married man is to talk openly about it from the start.
There is going to be a lot of deceit, sneaking around, lies, and a deal of guilt to handle.
So, it’s going to make the whole affair easier to manage from an emotional perspective if you know where you stand.
Ask him how he really feels about you.
Is he using you just to satisfy his physical needs? Is he in need of emotional support?
Whatever it is and however hard it is to hear, you’ll feel better if you know exactly where you stand with him.
2. Tell Him if You’re Getting More Emotionally Involved than Planned
If you’re getting more emotionally involved with the married man than you originally intended, tell him.
It’s important to communicate with each other about your feelings to ensure that both of you are on the same page.
Otherwise, someone is going to get hurt or a lot more hurt than originally thought.
He may or may not want to hear that you’re falling for him, it’s hard to say. But it’s something you should bring up.
3. Tell Him if The Guilt Is Becoming Too Much for You
No matter how detached you are from this guy’s wife and life or whatever you’re telling yourself about the affair, it’s hard not to feel at least some guilt.
You are, after all, sleeping with a married man.
If the guilt is becoming too much for you to handle and is impacting your daily life, tell him.
You shouldn’t have to suffer through the guilt alone and he should be understanding of that.
Guilt is one of the main reasons why mistresses either break the affair off or in some cases let their man’s wife know that he’s been having an affair with them.
4. Be Prepared to Be Let Down a Lot
A man who is cheating on his wife is not going to be able to give you the same level of attention, time, and energy that a single man would be able to give you.
This is something you need to be prepared for from the start.
He’s going to have to sneak around to see you, he’s going to cancel plans at the last minute, and he might even stand you up altogether.
It’s not personal, but it’s part of being involved with a married man and it’s often hard for mistresses to deal with.
5. Be Prepared for The Reality that He Might Be Lying to You
A man who is capable of cheating on his wife is also capable of lying to you.
In fact, he’s probably going to lie to you a lot.
He’s going to lie about where he is, what he’s doing, who he’s with, how his marriage is going, and more.
You need to be prepared for this and try not to take it personally when you catch him out lying.
He’s not lying to you because he doesn’t care about you, he’s lying to you because he’s in a tough situation and wants to carry on enjoying the best of both worlds!
6. Come to Terms with The Fact That You’re ‘The Other Woman’
A mistress often feels fine about being the other woman at first, and some women even find it exciting.
But over time it gets tiring for a lot of mistresses, and the role they’re playing starts to take its toll.
You might start feeling like you’re not a priority to him, or that he’s only with you because his wife doesn’t satisfy him but he will never leave her.
It hurts to think that when your guy is not around he’s probably doing fun stuff with his wife, going on family holidays, buying her gifts – all the things you want to do with him.
You need to come to terms with the fact that you’re the ‘other woman’ and possibly always will be.
7. Face the Reality that He May Never Leave His Wife
A lot of mistresses believe that their guy will eventually leave his wife for them.
However, this is seldom the case.
In most affairs, the man will continue to stay with his wife while seeing the mistress on the side.
Something is missing in his marriage and he’s getting those needs met with you, but when it comes to the crunch he probably doesn’t want to turn his life upside down.
The worst thing you can do as a mistress is hang all your hopes on your man leaving his wife one day, because you might be disappointed.
8. Understand that You Might Be Responsible for His Family Splitting Up
On the other hand, if you’re in the small percentage of affairs where the man does leave his wife, there could be a big fallout.
You might be partly responsible for his family splitting up, and that’s something you need to be prepared for.
It’s not going to be all fun and games, he might not be able to see his kids as often as he wants, and his wife is going to hate you.
You need to be prepared for this before getting involved with a married man.
Sleeping with a married man is not something to be taken lightly and there are some serious repercussions that can happen.
9. Accept that You’ll Always Come out Of This Looking Like the Bad Person
This never feels fair, but is often the case.
In the eyes of most people, you’re going to be seen as the bad person in this situation.
They’ll say you knew he was married and you still pursued him, no matter how things really happened, and people are going to judge you.
Even if his marriage was on the rocks and he’s now happy with you, some people are always going to think you broke up a family.
10. Understand that You’re Stopping Yourself from Finding True Happiness
By sleeping with a married man, you’re not only risking a lot, but you’re also stopping yourself from finding true happiness.
You might think you’re happy in your little affair, but it’s probably not going to last.
You deserve better than to be someone’s dirty little secret, and you deserve to be with someone who can give you their whole heart.
The only way you’re really going to find that is by looking for a single, honest, genuine man who’s also looking for the same thing.
Related – Do you talk to a married man everyday? Here are the problems with doing so.
What Are the Consequences of Sleeping With A Married Man?
There are a lot of consequences that come with sleeping with a married man. Some of the potential problems you’ll face are:
- You could ruin his marriage and family life.
- You might get emotionally attached to him and end up getting hurt.
- People will judge you and think badly of you.
- You could end up being his dirty little secret for years.
- You might stop yourself from finding true love.
- You could run into his wife in an explosive showdown.
Should You Feel Bad About Sleeping With A Married Man?
There’s no easy answer to this question.
Everyone feels differently about sleeping with a married man and there are a number of factors that play into whether or not you’ll feel bad.
For example, if he’s told you he’s desperately unhappy in his marriage, you might end up feeling sorry for him and not bad about the situation at all.
On the other hand, if it becomes apparent that he’s playing you and lying about what his marriage is like, you may start to become resentful and feel so bad that you’ll tell his wife!
I can’t tell you how to feel or how you’ll feel, only you can know what you’re feeling.
Image credits – Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.