If you find out that your husband is hiding money from you, you’re one of the estimated 10% of women who are victims of ‘financial infidelity’.
Financial infidelity means one or both partners in a relationship are lying about money.
It’s a major cause of arguments and even results in a lot of couples splitting up.
Here’s what to do when your husband hides money from you:
What to Do When Your Husband Hides Money From You
Talk to Him About It and Find out Why He’s Hiding Money
No matter how hard this conversation is going to be, you have to talk to your husband about your concerns first and foremost.
You need to know why he’s hiding money from you.
Also, try not to jump to conclusions until you’ve heard him out as there could be a number of reasons.
On the negative side, some common reasons why men hide money from their partners is because:
- He could be doing something he doesn’t want you to know about that requires money, like gambling
- He could be hiding debt from you and trying to pay it off
- He could be trying to hide cash or assets as he thinks the relationship is ending
But on the positive side, some of the reasons men hide money is because:
- He simply has a different financial philosophy to you and wants his own savings
- He’s putting some money aside to surprise you with a gift
- He’s using it to help out friends and family and doesn’t want to burden you with that
As you can see, there are reasons on the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of trust and deceit.
Whatever the reason is, you need to find out first (if he will tell you) and then you can start working on a solution together.
Related – Here are 10 good lies to get money from your partner or parents.
Ask Him if He’s Willing to Change His Ways
If your husband is hiding money from you because of trust or debt issues, then you need to ask him if he’s willing to change his ways.
This is a big decision for you to make as it will affect the future of your relationship.
If he’s not willing to change, then you need to decide if you can continue living with someone who is going to lie about money, and potentially cause you financial hardship.
On the other hand, if he is willing to change, then you need to work out a plan together on how you’re going to move forward.
This might include setting up joint accounts, getting financial counseling, creating a budget that you both agree to stick to, and generally being more transparent about your finances.
Whatever you decide, make sure it’s something that works for both of you and that you’re both happy with.
Tell Him It’s Going to Take a While to Rebuild the Trust
Once you’ve talked to your husband and come to a resolution (or if he’s not willing to change his ways), you need to tell him it’s going to take a while to rebuild the trust.
Finding out a partner is keeping any secrets, especially one as serious as hiding money, isn’t easy to get over I’m sure you’ll agree.
You need to be honest with him and tell him that it’s going to take time for you to trust him again.
It’s equally as important that you don’t hold a grudge or keep using what he did against him though.
If your partner is willing to change and you think he’s been honest about his actions, you need to forgive him if you’re going to work through it.
Signs Your Husband Is Still Hiding Money from You
I don’t blame you for being more vigilant going forward and looking for signs that your husband is back to his old tricks of hiding money.
If you’re suspicious that your husband is hiding money, some of the most common signs are:
You Don’t Know How Much He Earns
There is no reason not to know how much your husband earns, and I’m sure you’re willing to be open with him about your salary.
If he’s not forthcoming about his salary or earnings, it’s a sign that something isn’t right and he could be hiding money.
At the very least it tells you that he has something to hide and isn’t willing to be transparent about his financial situation with you.
He Won’t Let You See His Bank Statements
This is a huge red flag that something is up.
Your husband should have no problem letting you see his bank statements, especially if you’re working together to manage your finances.
If he’s hiding money, he’s likely to be keeping his bank statements hidden too as this is where all the answers can be seen in black and white.
He Says He’s Broke But Shouldn’t Be
If your husband is saying he’s broke when you know he shouldn’t be, this is a sign that something isn’t adding up (literally).
This is either another way of trying to keep you in the dark about his finances or it goes to show that he’s either hiding or squandering money somewhere.
He Gets Defensive When You Ask Him About His Finances
One of the telltale signs someone is lying or being deceitful is when they get defensive if you ask them some innocent questions.
If you ask your husband simple questions like, “Just wondering, how have you got left for the rest of the month?”
Or, “You say you can’t help anymore with the bills, but where has your salary for the month gone?” and he gets all defensive, something is up!
Your husband shouldn’t be hiding money from you, and if he is, it’s a sign that something is wrong in your relationship.
I hope you get to the bottom of it and it was just a misunderstanding.
If it’s more serious, I hope you can work through it and move forward together with newfound trust and financial transparency.
Image credits – Photo by Frederick Warren on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.