Going on a first date is one of the most nerve-racking and exhilarating experiences.
There is so much to ask, find out, and know about the person you’re meeting for the first time.
There are also red flags to look out for before getting carried away and possibly getting emotionally or physically involved with someone who doesn’t feel the same.
The last thing you want is to get involved with a player, that’s only going to end up with you getting hurt!
To help you out, here are 15 signs of a player on the first date and red flags that you need to not be charmed by their lies!
15 Signs of A Player on First Date
1. He’s Into You Without Even Getting to Know You
One of the key signs that someone is a player is when they’re into you and all over you before even getting to know you.
This is because they’re not interested in getting to know you, at least not genuinely or on a deep level!
If the guy you’re on a date with is trying to flatter you and going over the top with compliments before you’ve even had a good chat, don’t be fooled!
Players just want to charm women into getting what they want from them and will say whatever it takes!
2. He’s Trying to Get Physical
Players are interested in the physical side of relationships, not the emotional or meaningful side of getting to know someone.
So if your date is trying to get too physical too soon, it’s a big sign that he’s a player!
He will likely try to hold your hand, touch your knee, or go in for a kiss without any warning to see where your boundaries are.
Stick to what you’re comfortable with and don’t be shy about telling him what your boundaries are!
3. He Wants the Two of You to Go Home Together
If your date is trying to get you to go home with him on the first date, it’s a massive sign that he’s a player!
It shows that he’s not interested in getting to know you as a person, he just wants to get physical and is likely trying to impress his friends with another conquest.
If you’re not comfortable going home with him, don’t!
4. He Was Distracted and On His Phone a Lot
During the date, did he seem more interested in his phone than you?
This is another sign that he might be a player!
If he’s constantly on his phone, whether it’s texting, taking calls, or checking social media, it shows that he’s not really interested in you and how the date is going.
Even if he’s not a player, this is a big dating faux pas and a red flag that he’s not invested in you.
5. He Talks About Himself More than He Listens to You
A key part of any date, particularly a first date, is getting to know the other person and finding out about their interests, values, and lifestyle.
If your date is talking about themselves the whole time, it shows that they’re not interested in getting to know you!
This means they might be a player who is just trying to impress you with things about themselves and think that the more they talk, the more interested you’ll be.
The truth is, it’s a red flag and should be enough to make you call it a night early and not contact them again!
6. You Can See He Knows a Lot of Women on Social Media
If you take a look at his social media, do you see that he’s connected with a lot of women?
Are most of his pictures of him showing off with women and trying to portray he’s living a Playboy lifestyle?
This is another sign that he’s a player.
Or at the very least he wants to be one!
7. He Can’t Explain Why He’s Never Been in A Serious Relationship
If he’s in his 30s or 40s and has never been in a serious relationship, it might be because he’s a player.
Of course, there could be other reasons why he’s never settled down, but it’s definitely a possibility.
Players aren’t able to settle down with one person as they’re always looking for the next conquest or ways to balance more than one partner at a time.
It’s worth questioning and digging into a little deeper, although you might not want to get into this on the first date.
8. He Won’t Open up About His Life or Personal Details
Players have to keep a lot of details about their personal lives secret to be able to play their games and not get caught.
If he’s very secretive about his life and doesn’t want to share any personal details with you, it’s a sign that he might be playing the field.
Of course, some people are just private by nature, so this one is tricky.
But you’d expect someone on a first date to be willing to talk about themselves, or it’s a red flag.
9. You Catch Him Checking out Other Women During Your Date
This happens, and it’s one of the most insulting things you can experience while on a first date with a guy.
If he has a roaming eye and you catch him checking out other women I think it’s fair to say that his intentions are not in the right place.
10. He Tells You He’s Not Looking for Anything Serious
If a guy tells you on the first date that he’s not looking for anything serious but you are, no matter how well the date goes you shouldn’t call him again.
On the plus side, he’s being honest about his intentions.
But what might seem like he’s just wanting to take things slowly might actually mean he’s a player asking for a casual fling.
11. He Isn’t Interested in Committing to Another Date in The Future
If your date doesn’t want to talk about some of the things you ‘could’ do on future dates, take this as a sign that he’s made his mind up.
It sounds like he’s just out for a good time and is only thinking about what’s going to happen on your date.
This doesn’t always mean he’s a player, but it does tell you that he’s not interested in getting to know you better over time.
12. He’s Secretive About Where He Hangs out And What He Does
If a guy is secretive about where he hangs out, especially if you both live in the same city, he has something to hide.
It sounds like he doesn’t want you turning up and catching him hanging out with other women, although it might be more innocent than that.
But again, you don’t expect any deep, dark secrets on a first date, but he should reveal things like what he does in his spare time.
13. He Backs Away if You Say You’re Looking for Commitment
The topic of what the two of you are looking for in a relationship will often come up on a first date.
If he suddenly backs away or gets defensive when you say you’re looking for commitment, it’s a sign that he’s not on the same page as you.
He might be a player who’s just looking to date around and isn’t interested in anything serious right now.
14. He Looks Flustered When You Ask Him if He Considers Himself a Player
If you think – or want to know if – a guy is a player, there is nothing wrong with coming out and asking him.
He might not be honest and tell you outright that he is one, but you can often tell by the way he reacts.
If he looks flustered or gets defensive, it’s likely that he is a player and doesn’t want to be found out.
Take notice of his body language, and go with your gut feeling.
15. You Just Get a Gut Feeling He’s a Player and Can’t Shake It Off
Talking about a gut feeling, sometimes you will just get a strong feeling that someone is a player.
It’s hard to explain, but if there’s something about them that makes you think they might be a player, you should go with your gut.
You know yourself best, and if you have a feeling that someone is a player it’s often best to distance yourself from them or at least take things a lot slower.
It’s better to be safe than sorry, getting mixed up with a player is the last thing you want!
Should You Date a Player?
If you’re reading this post, chances are you’re not looking to date a player.
But I thought it would be worth mentioning that there are some players out there who are actually looking for a relationship.
Of course, this is the exception to the rule and most players are only interested in one thing.
But if you’re falling for someone and it becomes clear that he’s playing around, there is always a chance that they can settle down.
The key is communication, if you both want the same thing then there is a chance it could work out.
But if you’re looking for commitment and he’s happy to date around, it’s best to move on and find someone who wants the same thing as you.
Can Players Change?
This is a question that I get asked a lot, can players change and settle down?
The truth is, anyone can change.
But it’s important to remember that people don’t change overnight, and when emotions are involved this means you could be in for some heartache.
If you’re dating a player and you want him to change, it’s important to have a conversation about it and understand that it might take time – if he changes at all.
Again, communication is key here, and knowing where you stand is important.
But at the end of the day, you have to make a decision around what’s best for you, and that means listening to your head and not just your heart!
I hope you enjoyed this post and found it useful, let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
Image credits – depositphotos.com/stock-photo-couple-in-a-cafe
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.