Is hiding current relationship from an ex a good – or the right – thing to do for either you or your ex?
In some situations, it may be.
However, when someone wants to hide their new relationship from their ex, it usually means they still like their ex in some form.
If you want to know more, here are 10 reasons why an ex typically hides a new relationship from their ex:
Hiding Current Relationship From an Ex – 10 Reasons Why This Happens
1. They Know They’ve Moved on Too Quickly
This is a common reason why someone would want to hide their new relationship from an ex.
They know that they’ve moved on too quickly after the breakup and they don’t want their ex to think they didn’t mean much to them.
Hiding a current relationship from an ex usually means they want their ex to think they’re single and ‘getting over’ the breakup.
And they might still be coming to terms with breaking up, their new relationship might be a rebound one which is another reason to try and hide it.
2. They Are Embarrassed by Their New Partner
In some cases, the person someone is dating after their ex is not someone they’re proud of.
It sounds harsh – and it is – but they might be embarrassed by them because of their job, looks or personality, or because they are so different from what their type usually is.
So they try to keep the relationship hidden from their ex because they don’t want to be judged or have people making comments.
3. They Still Care for You and Don’t Want to Hurt Your Feelings
If an ex is hiding their new relationship from you, it could simply be because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.
They might still care for you, even if they are dating someone else, and they don’t want to rub the new relationship in your face or make you feel bad.
This is a nice gesture but it can also mean they’re not completely over you yet.
Hiding a current relationship might also be a way of leaving the door open to get back with you as you think they’re single.
4. They Are Generally Secretive
Some people are just naturally secretive and they don’t like to share much about their personal life with anyone, and that includes you.
So even if they’re not still hung up on you, they may want to keep the new relationship under wraps.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and it’s something you should have noticed about them when you were dating them.
If this is the case, you’re going to have to accept that you might not know much about them and their life without you going forward.
5. They Don’t Want You or Their New Partner to Talk
Another reason for hiding a current relationship is so that you and their new partner don’t have any contact.
They might not want you to meet or even talk, as they think it would be too awkward, and they don’t want their new partner to know about you.
This could be because they are ashamed of dating someone so soon after you because they did something they are embarrassed about – any number of reasons.
If you respect them, it’s best you keep your distance so as not to upset them and let them move on with their lives.
6. They Think They Are Doing You a Favor
In some cases, people think they are doing you a favor by not flaunting their new relationship in front of you.
They might believe that it would be too painful for you to see them with someone else and so they are trying to protect you from that.
Or, if it’s someone you know they might think it will cause problems between the two of you, at least if it’s soon since you split.
However, this is their decision to make and not yours, so you should never ask them to hide their relationship from you.
7. They Know Their New Relationship Is Not Serious
This is another possible reason why they might not want to tell you or anyone else about their new relationship.
If they know deep down it’s not a serious relationship, they might not want to make it public or introduce their new partner to people in their lives.
It could be a rebound thing or just a bit of fun, but whatever the case may be, they probably don’t want it to gain momentum only to end shortly.
8. Their New Partner Is Someone You Already Know
This is a tricky one and can often be the reason for hiding a current relationship.
If their new partner is someone you already know, it might be awkward or even painful to see them together.
You might have met through mutual friends or even knew them before your ex did, so it’s not something they want to flaunt in front of you.
It might also be – or make you believe – that they were hooking up before the two of you split which can be very awkward.
9. They Just Don’t Want Any Drama
I think most of us just want a drama-free life, right? Especially on the heels of a breakup.
If your ex is hiding their new relationship from you, it could simply be because they don’t want any drama.
They’ve moved on and are happy with someone new and the last thing they need is you causing problems or stirring up trouble.
Even if you have no intention of causing problems, they may feel like it’s not worth the risk and it’s easier to keep things on the down low.
10. Their New Partner Has Asked Them to Keep It Secret
This ties in with a few of the other points but is worth mentioning on its own.
In some cases, their new partner may have asked them to keep the relationship a secret from you or everyone else.
There could be any number of reasons for this – maybe they’re not ready to come out and say they’re dating someone new, they want to avoid you, or any number of things.
So, while you’re pointing the finger at your ex for hiding their current relationship, they might be just respecting their partner’s wishes.
Is It Ok for Someone to Still Talk To Their Ex?
It’s a question that most of us ask ourselves at some point – should we really be talking to our ex if we’re in a new relationship?
Unfortunately, the answer is not clear-cut, you need to look at your own situation and make the best decision.
It really depends on the situation and relationship between you and your ex, as well as your new partner’s comfort level.
Some people are totally ok with their partner talking to their ex, while others prefer they cut all ties.
There is no right or wrong answer, but the right thing to do is to consider everyone’s feelings before acting.
Should You Be Open About Your New Relationship with Your Ex?
If you’re wondering whether or not you should tell your ex about your new relationship, the answer is – it depends.
You need to take into account a few different things before making a decision, such as how long ago you broke up, how amicable the split was, and whether or not there are still feelings there.
It’s not always an easy decision but, ultimately, you need to do what feels right for you.
Hiding a new relationship from an ex can be tricky and it’s not always possible to do so, especially if you have mutual friends.
However, there are some valid reasons why someone might want to keep their current relationship under wraps, at least for a little while.
Only you can decide what’s best for you and your situation but, as long as you take everyone’s feelings into consideration I’m sure you’ll make the best decision.
What to Say When Your Ex Asks if You’re Seeing Someone
Being confronted by your ex about whether or not you’re seeing someone new can be tricky.
I’m sure you don’t want to lie, yet at the same time if you know it’s going to cause problems it might be best to try and avoid the question.
Some of the things you could say to try and avoid saying without outright lying are:
- “I’m not sure that’s any of your business anymore.”
- “I’d rather not say, it’s still new and I don’t want to jinx it.”
- “Why do you want to know? Are you hoping to get back together?”
These are all perfectly valid responses if your ex asks about your current relationship status.
Of course, if they’re more aggressive about finding out, you might not be able to hide it!
Alternatively, if you’re fine with them knowing, you can simply tell them.
But do so in a way that doesn’t feel like you’re rubbing it in their face or that you’ve moved on to someone much better.
No matter how your relationship ended, it’s good form to take the higher road and try to remain amicable and respectful – it looks better for you, trust me.
Image credits – Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.