If your ex-boyfriend won’t return your belongings, he’s obviously being immature and trying to hold on to some control.
You really have two options:
- Try and talk to him and make him see sense, or
- Get the authorities involved
Neither is going to be easy.
In this article, I’m going to explain the reasons why your ex doesn’t want to give you your stuff back and what you can do about it!
Ex Boyfriend Won’t Return My Belongings! 5 Reasons Why an Ex Does This
Before jumping to conclusions or accusing your ex of anything, you need to consider all the reasons why he might not be giving you your stuff back.
You’re probably only going to find out for sure by asking him, but it’s important to appreciate that there might be a reason you’re not thinking of.
For example, some of the most common reasons why an ex doesn’t want to give belongings they’re holding on to back are:
1. They Want to Buy Time so You’ll Reconsider Leaving Them
If your ex is trying to delay you getting your stuff back, it could be because they’re hoping you’ll change your mind and want to get back together.
In this case, they might think that if they make it difficult for you to get your belongings, you’ll have more time to think about how to work things out with them instead.
Of course, we know it’s almost always going to have the opposite effect.
You’re more likely to be annoyed that you have to run around and work at getting your stuff back and end up resenting them more!
2. They Want an Excuse to See You Again
Your ex might also be hoping that by making it difficult for you to get your belongings, they’ll have an excuse to see you again when you do collect them.
This is especially true if they’ve been trying to meet up with you a lot since the breakup and you haven’t been interested.
In their mind, I’m sure they’re thinking that if they can get you to meet up with them to collect your stuff, they’ll be able to reconcile with you somehow.
3. They’re Angry at You and Being Immature
It’s also possible that your ex is just angry with you and is acting out in a childish way by not returning your belongings.
They might think that if they can make your life difficult, you’ll realize how much better things were when you were together and want to get back with them.
Of course, this rarely happens!
Or, they might just be content making your life a misery, so do everything you can to show them you really don’t care – even if you do!
4. They Want You to Feel Miserable Like They Do
In some cases, your ex might not want to give you your belongings back because they want you to feel as miserable as they do about the split and this is all they have a hold on.
Of course, this is a petty way of thinking and is only going to make it less likely you work things out in the future, but emotions make people do silly things.
As annoying and frustrating as it is, I really hope you’re able to find a way not to allow their behavior to get you down.
5. They Have Destroyed Your Stuff!
Unfortunately, in some cases, an ex might not want to give your belongings back because they can’t as they’ve destroyed them.
This is usually out of spite and a way for them to try and hurt you emotionally.
If this has happened, I’m really sorry but you need to accept that there’s nothing you can do about it and move on.
If they tell you they’ve got rid of your stuff and there were some important items you really wanted, you do have the option of pursuing legal action.
Just be prepared for a lengthy process that’ll involve having to deal with your ex, which is likely something they want to put you through.
How to Get Your Belongings Back from Your Ex
Depending on how unreasonable your ex is behaving, you have two options when it comes to getting your belongings back from them:
1. Talk to Them and Try to Make Them See Sense
If you still have a good relationship with your ex – or are at least on speaking terms – and think they might be willing to listen to reason, it’s worth having a chat with them about returning your belongings.
Explain how important it is to you and try to make them see how childish they’re being by not giving them back.
It’s also worth asking if there’s anything you can do to help them out, such as getting someone else to pick up your belongings for you.
If they’re still being unreasonable, you might need to consider your next option.
2. Get the Authorities Involved
If your ex is being completely unreasonable and you can’t get them to give your belongings back, you might need to involve the authorities.
This could be the police, bailiffs, or some other legal route depending on what the laws are where you live.
My best advice is to seek the advice of a lawyer, which of course is going to cost you money.
It’s not ideal, but if your possessions mean a lot to you, have a high value, or have some sentimental value, you might not have another choice.
Of course, this should only be considered as a last resort.
I hope this article has helped and that you’re able to get your belongings back from your ex without too much drama!
Do you have any other tips or advice to share? Please leave a comment below!
Image credits – Photo by HiveBoxx on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.