It’s tough when your partner has a child with an ex, they’re going to be involved with them in some way for many years.
It’s even worse when their baby mama still has feelings for them and is interfering in your relationship!
If you suspect there is something more going on between your partner and his baby mama, it’s time to pay attention.
Here are 10 signs he is sleeping with his baby mama to look out for!
10 Signs He Is Sleeping With His Baby Mama
1. He’s Going Round Her House at Odd Times
You have to accept that your man will need to see his baby mama at times as a way of seeing his child.
But there is a big difference between him seeing her at set times to pick up or see his kid, and him going round there when it’s not appropriate.
If your man is going round to his baby mama’s house and using his child as his excuse but it doesn’t feel right, there is something going on.
It’s not right for him to be seeing her like that now he’s in a relationship with you, and it’s a strong sign that he’s probably sleeping with her.
Otherwise, why would he be going round there late at night, in between scheduled times to see his kid and more?
2. He Spends a Long Time at Her House and Can’t Explain Why
Along with going to her house when he shouldn’t be if your man is spending longer at her house than necessary you’re right to wonder what he’s doing.
It’s one thing if he has to stay a bit longer because his child won’t go to bed or needs help with something.
But if he’s spending hours at her house and can’t give you a good reason why, it’s highly likely that he’s sleeping with her.
3. He Drops Everything to Help out His Ex
Again, this is where the lines can get blurred because dropping everything for his child is one thing, but dropping everything for his baby mama is not acceptable.
You should be his number one priority, not her!
If your man is always putting his baby mama first and dropping everything to help her out, it’s a sign that he’s still got feelings for her.
Or, at the very least she has some kind of control over him, which again might be because he’s getting something from her that he shouldn’t be!
4. He Still Has Possessions at Her House
If your man still has some of his possessions at his baby mama’s house, it’s a sign that he’s spending more time there than he should be.
It’s one thing if he has a few things there because of his child, but if he has clothes there, for example, that’s a red flag.
I would ask him why he feels the need to keep some of his possessions at hers and see what he says.
5. He Comes Home Smelling of Perfume
This is one of the classic signs that a guy is cheating or sleeping with another woman, and it’s something to look (or smell) for.
If your man comes home smelling of perfume after being at his baby mama’s house, he’s been getting a little closer to her than he needed to.
I’d question him about it, and don’t put up with lame excuses like it must have come from playing with his kid or something in her home.
6. He’s Not as Interested in Sleeping with You as He Used to Be
This is another classic sign that a guy is cheating, when he’s not as interested in being intimate with you.
If this goes hand-in-hand with other signs from this list then it sounds like he’s getting his needs met when he’s at his baby mama’s house.
I would talk to him about it and see what he says. If he’s adamant it’s nothing to do with his ex there are still some issues in your relationship to work on.
7. You Find Flirty Messages on His Phone
If you find flirty messages on your man’s phone from his baby mama, it’s time to have a talk with him.
These messages could be completely innocent and misinterpreted somehow, but it’s not likely and he shouldn’t be engaging in such talk with her now she’s his ex.
It’s just another red flag that he’s up to no good and taking things with her further than he should be.
8. He Defends His Baby Mama when You Criticize Her
I understand he has a history with his baby mama and they have a child together, but he’s committed to you now.
If you criticize his baby mama in any way, he should be either taking your side or at least being impartial.
If he’s always defending her and gets upset or angry at you, you have to question whether or not he still has feelings for her.
At the same time, you should also be reasonable about how you’re acting towards her and what you’re saying!
9. He Gets Defensive When You Question Him
Another sign that your guy is up to something he shouldn’t be is if he gets defensive when you question him about something.
If you’ve already been questioning how appropriate his relationship is with his ex, or even if he’s been sleeping with her directly, he should have a straight answer for you.
If he gets all defensive, changes what he says each time, or seems to get nervous, it’s a telltale sign he’s lying.
10. You Can Just Tell (Woman’s Intuition)
Sometimes you just know when something isn’t right, and if you have a gut feeling your man is still seeing his baby mama behind your back then trust that instinct.
A woman’s intuition is a real thing, if you feel like something is up then it probably is!
Talk to your man about it and see what he says, but if you can’t shake that feeling and keep noticing some of the other signs off of this list it’s time to take notice.
What to Do if Your Man Is Sleeping With His Baby Mama
If you find out without a doubt that your man has been sleeping with his baby mama, it’s devastating.
You have a right to be upset, but please take the time to talk to him and make a decision once you’ve calmed down.
The decision as to what you do is ultimately up to you, but here are a few things to keep in mind.
- If he’s been honest with you about it and is remorseful, you can decide if you’re willing to forgive him and move on.
- If he’s lying to you about it even after you catch him out, it will be much harder to forgive him and you might want to consider ending things.
- If your relationship has been having other issues, this might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
In any case, it’s a difficult situation to be in and work through – if that’s what you want to do.
This situation is different from other forms of cheating as your guy is always going to be seeing his baby’s mama because they have a child together.
They also have a history together, not just as partners but also as a couple that was hooking up behind your back.
There might be something there that draws him in again in the future, as hard as that is to think about.
It all starts with good communication though, you’re going to have to talk this out and see where it goes!
Image credits – Photo by Zahir Namane on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.