If your boyfriend talks to his baby mama everyday you’re right to be annoyed, honestly.
More than that, you’re right to question if there is something more going on between them as that’s not normal.
It might be perfectly innocent, but that still doesn’t mean he should be spending so much time talking with his baby mama.
Here is what you should do to make him prioritize you over his baby mama while still looking after his kid:
My Boyfriend Talks to His Baby Mama Everyday! Is This Normal?
No, it’s not normal for a guy to talk to his baby mama every day, especially when he’s in a new relationship and has moved on.
If your guy is talking to his baby mama every day it tells me one of three things:
- He’s not totally over her yet and enjoys talking to her a lot
- She’s still got some control over him or is the one that hasn’t been able to move on yet and is just as much to blame
- She’s using their child as a way to manipulate him or talk to him a lot, which is also a form of control
Whatever the reason, it’s not right that he talks to her so often now that he’s in a relationship with you.
They have a child together, so there is always going to be a line of communication, but it’s still unusual for exes to talk daily.
I can accept a quick message to let him know that his child had a good day or for him to send a good night message.
But actually talking on the phone isn’t always necessary, and texting back and forth about things not related to their child is not normal.
Should You Stop Him Talking to His Baby Mama Every Day?
This is a tough one to answer as it depends on a number of factors.
Such as how much time your guy is spending talking to his baby mama, whether it’s talking on the phone or texting, and what they’re talking about.
Plus, you don’t want to come across as controlling or like a crazy, jealous girlfriend, or that might push him to talk to her in secret which is even worse.
The best thing you can do is have an open and honest conversation with him about how it’s making you feel when he’s always talking to her.
See what he says about why he talks to her so much, what they need to discuss, and how much he’s willing to compromise to make you happy.
If your boyfriend loves you – and I’m sure he does – then he’s going to want to make you happy.
If you’re being reasonable about this and he really is spending too much time talking to his baby mama and neglecting you, then it should open his eyes up and make him change.
Signs That He’s Still Involved with His Baby Mama
If your boyfriend is talking to his baby mama everyday, there is the obvious concern that he’s still involved with her in some way.
A few of the signs to look out for that might confirm – or help deny – this are:
- He’s always the one that initiates contact with her or he’s always the one replying first
- They have long conversations – sometimes even for hours – or he’s always the one that wants to keep talking
- He’s always sharing things with her that he doesn’t share with you
- He still goes around her house a lot, and sometimes it has nothing to do with their child
- You feel like you’re always playing second fiddle to her or that she’s always coming first
- He’s secretive about conversations and some of the time he spends with her
If you’re seeing any of these signs then it’s a definite cause for concern and something you need to address with your boyfriend.
It may not mean he’s sleeping with her, but it’s a sign of disrespect and you clearly need to have a talk with him and let him know how he’s making you feel.
If he’s not willing to change and start putting you before his baby mama (I know, his child comes in between as well), then it’s time to seriously consider your future with him.
Why It’s Important to Set Boundaries with Your Boyfriend and His Baby Mama
First of all, setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re trying to control your boyfriend or tell him what he can or can’t do.
Neither does it mean that you’re going to try and stop him from being the best dad he can be.
What it means is that you’re setting boundaries around the relationships and friendships in this triangle so everyone is able to build trust and healthy relationships.
Which in turn is going to be better for his child, which is important. But also better for your relationship, which is what you want and so should he.
Some of the things you might want to consider setting boundaries around are:
- How much time he spends talking to her or texting her
- What they talk about – is it always just about their child or do they discuss other things too?
- Whether he shares things with her that he doesn’t share with you
- His relationship with her – is he friends with her or are they still something more?
- How she interacts with you – is she respectful or does she try to cause arguments between the two of you?
- Your feelings and needs – he needs to be aware of how his actions are making you feel and he needs to be willing to compromise
Once you’ve set some boundaries, it’s important that you all stick to them.
If he steps over a boundary that you’ve set, then you need to call him out on it and let him know that it’s not acceptable.
In conclusion, if your boyfriend is spending too much time talking to his baby mama, it’s important to have a talk with him about it.
See what he says and why he’s talking to her so much.
If he’s not willing to change to accommodate your feelings and you can’t get to a place where you’re happy, then it might be time to reconsider your relationship!
Image credits – Photo by James Sutton on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.