Should I meet my ex-husband’s girlfriend or avoid the potentially awkward situation?
That’s a question a lot of women ask themselves – or someone else – when their ex-husband is in a new relationship.
There is no right or wrong answer, it depends on your situation – but I can help prepare you with some of the possible pros and cons!
Here are 5 reasons why it might be a good idea, and 5 reasons why you might regret meeting your ex-husband’s new partner:
5 Reasons to Meet Your Ex-Husband’s Girlfriend
1. Because You Can’t Avoid Her Forever
If you live close together or have kids to share custody of, at some point, you’re going to run into his new girlfriend.
It might be easier (and less awkward) to just bite the bullet and introduce yourself on your own terms.
Plus, if you have kids together, you’ll need to find a way to get along eventually – why not start on a positive note?
2. It’ll Show Him That You’ve Come to Terms with Him Moving On
Your ex-husband moving on can be tough to accept, no matter how amicable your divorce was.
But by meeting his new girlfriend and treating her with respect, you’re showing that you’ve come to terms with it – and that’s a good thing!
It’ll also show him that you’re not still hung up on him (even if you are) and that you’re confident and happy in your own life.
3. You’ll Feel Better Knowing Who He’s Dating
If you’re curious about who your ex-husband is dating and what she’s like, meeting her in person can give you some closure.
You might not like what you see, but at least you’ll know for sure – and then you can stop wondering and move on with your life.
Plus, if you have kids together you need to know that they’re going to be around someone who’s responsible and will care for them when you’re not there.
4. It’ll Satisfy Any Curiosity You Have About His New Partner
If you’ve been wondering what your ex-husband’s new girlfriend is like, meeting her in person will satisfy that curiosity.
You’ll be able to get a feel for her personality and see if she’s really a good match for him – or if he’s just with her because she looks good on paper.
5. You May All Get Along and Become Friends!
It’s not impossible that you, your ex-husband, and his new girlfriend could all become friends.
If you have kids together it would be great for them to see that their parents can still get along – and it would make things a lot less awkward when drop-offs and pickups happen.
You never know, she might even become a really good friend to you over time and the two of you will outlast their relationship – it happens a lot!
These are just some of the reasons why meeting your ex-husband’s new girlfriend might be a good idea – or not.
It’s a tough decision to make, but ultimately it comes down to what you’re comfortable with and what would work best for you.
The important thing is that you don’t feel like you’re being pressured or pushed to do something you don’t want to do.
5 Reasons NOT to Meet Your Ex-Husband’s Girlfriend
1. He Might Be Rebounding or Trying to Make You Jealous
If your ex-husband is in a new relationship shortly after your divorce, it might be because he’s rebounding.
He might not be over you yet and is using this new relationship as a way to get over the pain of your breakup.
Or, he could be trying to make you jealous by flaunting his new girlfriend in front of you.
Either way, if you think his motivations are anything less than genuine, you should avoid the potentially toxic situation.
2. She Might Be Rude to You or Disrespectful
You have to be prepared for the reality that your ex-husband’s new girlfriend might not want to be friends.
She could be rude to you or disrespectful, especially if she doesn’t know how to handle meeting the ex-wife.
It’s possible that she might be threatened by you or feel like she needs to prove something – either way, it’s not worth your time or energy to put yourself in a situation like that.
3. It’s Too Soon for You After the Split
If it’s been less than a year since your divorce, it might be too soon for you to meet his new girlfriend.
You might not be over him yet and meeting her will just make things harder for you.
It’s important to give yourself time to heal and move on before you put yourself in a situation that could potentially be emotionally difficult.
If you’re not sure if you’re ready to meet her, it’s probably best to wait a bit longer.
4. There Is No Reason for Them to Be in Your Life
If your ex-husband doesn’t need to be in your life and you don’t anticipate bumping into him ever, it’s perfectly fine not to meet his new girlfriend if you’re just not interested in doing so.
You don’t owe him anything and you don’t need to feel like you have to be friends with them just because you were married to him.
It’s perfectly okay to cut ties and move on with your life – you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.
5. You Know Who She Is and Do Not Want Her in Your Life
If your ex-husband’s new girlfriend is someone you already know about and you know that you don’t want in your life, it’s probably best not to meet her.
You might have a history with her that you don’t want to revisit or maybe you just know about her through friends or social media.
However you know about her, you’re entitled to follow your gut and do what makes you most comfortable.
I could tell you that she might be much nicer if you meet her, but I’m not going to put any pressure on you – if you don’t feel like meeting her, you shouldn’t.
You Don’t Have to Meet Your Ex’s New Partner
I just want to reiterate that you don’t have to meet your ex-husband’s new girlfriend if you don’t want to – it’s really that simple.
It’s your decision and you should do what makes you most comfortable.
If you’re not sure if meeting her is the right move for you, take some time to think about it and maybe talk to a close friend to get some guidance.
Whatever you decide, just make sure that it’s what YOU want and not what anyone else wants for you.
Things to Remember when Meeting Your Ex-Husband’s New Girlfriend
If you do decide to meet your ex-husband’s new girlfriend, there are a few things you should keep in mind.
First, it’s important to be respectful and polite.
Even if she isn’t being friendly or nice, you don’t want to stoop to her level – it will only make things worse.
Second, you should try to keep the conversation light and positive.
Avoid talking about your ex-husband or the divorce – it’s not appropriate and it will only make things awkward.
Lastly, don’t feel like you need to be friends with her just because you’re meeting her.
You can be cordial and polite without being friends, so don’t put any pressure on yourself.
Meeting your ex-husband’s new girlfriend doesn’t have to be a big deal – it can actually be a nice way to catch up and see how he’s doing.
Good luck and I hope it goes well!
Image credits – Photo by Justin Groep on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.