If you’ve been dumped and are missing your ex and going through the emotions that come with being dumped, I know how you feel.
If you’re here, you’re asking yourself; ‘Should I contact my ex who dumped me?’
Before you do anything, there are some things to take into account but I can certainly help you decide if it’s in your best interests to contact your ex!
Should I Contact My Ex Who Dumped Me?
It’s hard to give you a definite answer to this question without knowing your exact circumstances.
However, I can tell when it’s going to be in your best interests to contact your ex, and situations where you probably shouldn’t.
Situations When You Should Contact Your Ex Who Dumped You
When You Messed up And Know You’re Sorry
If you did something to cause the break-up and now know that you’re sorry and you want to let them know, then it may be worth reaching out to your ex.
This is especially the case if you broke up recently and know they’re hurting.
They might not want to hear from you yet, so don’t push it. Send them a message letting them know you want to talk when they’re ready.
Whether you want to reconcile as well or not, put apologizing and making sure they’re OK as your priority.
Related – Here is how the dumper feels after a month.
If You’re Now In A Position to Make Amends
Maybe it wasn’t your fault you split, but you could have done something to avoid breaking up.
If you’re now in a position to make amends (such as being emotionally stable and ready, or having the means to do what they wanted in the relationship) then it may be time to reach out.
If you know your ex hasn’t moved on and think they would like to hear from you, this could be the start of a reconciliation.
If They Mean the World to You and You Want Them Back
This is a tough one, especially if when you were dumped it was clear that your ex was over the relationship.
But if they mean the world to you and you’d love to get back with them, there’s no harm in trying!
Just don’t overdo it and bother them if they clearly don’t want to speak with you.
Also, be prepared for them to not want to get back with you.
It’s a tough pill to swallow but it’s better to know sooner rather than later.
Situations when You Should Not Contact Your Ex Who Dumped You
When You’ve Hurt Them So Bad You Know They Don’t Want Contact
This is a situation where you need to give your ex time and space.
If you know they’re seriously hurt about the split, they will contact you when they’re ready, if they ever feel ready.
As hard as it is, the best thing you can do is give them plenty of time to deal with the breakup and what happened.
When They’ve Asked You Not to Contact Them
If your ex has asked you not to contact them, then don’t.
It’s as simple as that.
They’ve made it clear they don’t want to hear from you, so the best thing you can do is leave them be.
If you think you know for a fact that they said that out of anger but really do want to hear from you, I’ll leave that up to you.
But at the very least leave them alone for a good period of time to collect their thoughts and reach out to you if they want to.
When They’ve Moved on With Someone Else
If your ex has moved on with someone else, I think it’s safe to say that it’s best to not contact them.
This isn’t always the case but in most instances, it’s better to leave them be.
They’re with someone else now and bringing up the pain of the split or trying to get back with them will only lead to rejection and more hurt.
I know it’s hard, but you need to focus on moving on as well.
How Long Should You Wait Before Contacting Your Ex Who Dumped You?
Again, this is almost impossible to answer for you.
What I can tell you is that you probably need to give your ex longer than you feel comfortable doing, so be prepared to wait.
It also depends on the situation.
If you’re in one of the situations covered above where it makes sense for you to contact them, then you should be able to make a judgment call.
If you’re contacting them when you really shouldn’t be, leave it a little longer.
Ideally, you’ll do a little probing first and get an idea of how well-received your message is going to be.
Maybe you can see what they’re up to on social media or speak with mutual friends.
If they’re still really hurt, you’ll know that trying to talk to them now isn’t going to be helpful for either of you.
It’s tough, but the best thing you can do is be patient and err on the side of caution if the breakup was rough and emotions were running high.
Image credits – Photo by Natasha Hall on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.