One of the most common causes of arguments in relationships is due to guys talking or meeting up with an ex.
So, why do guys stay in touch with ex-girlfriends?
There are actually a number of reasons why guys will stay in touch with an ex, some more innocent than others!
Here is a look at 10 of the most common reasons why guys stay in touch with ex-girlfriends and how it can affect a relationship:
Why Do Guys Stay in Touch With Ex-Girlfriends? 10 Common Reasons!
1. They’re Not Completely Over Their Ex
This is one of the most common reasons why a guy keeps in touch with his ex, and it’s the one reason you don’t want to hear.
The guy you’re with may say that he’s over his ex, but if he’s still talking to her, there’s a chance he hasn’t moved on.
You’ll know more by looking at how he’s communicating with her, so don’t jump to conclusions – but it’s certainly a probability.
2. They Want to Keep Their Options Open
From speaking with friends and other guys, this is a reason that came up a LOT.
Some guys like to keep their options open in case things don’t work out with the girl they’re currently seeing.
The easiest way to get their needs met is to contact a girl they know well and had a relationship with, so they keep in touch.
It doesn’t mean she’s going to be interested, but that’s not going to stop most guys from asking!
3. They Have Shared Friends and It’s Hard to Avoid
If your guy and his ex have the same group of friends, then it’s likely he’ll run into his ex from time to time.
It might not be that he wants to see her, but if it’s going to be hard to avoid her then it’s going to be way less awkward if they stay in touch.
This is one of the more innocent reasons on the list, so don’t overreact if you find out your guy is still talking to his ex about innocent things to do with their group of friends.
4. They’re Able to Be Just Good Friends
Not all relationships end on a bad note.
In fact, some couples are able to be even better friends after splitting up than they ever were while in a relationship.
So, if your guy is still talking to his ex, it could be because they have an amicable relationship and are able to be friends.
Maybe they first got together due to shared interests or having things in common, and it’s only now they can enjoy these things without the pressure of being romantically involved!
5. They Feel Obliged to Keep in Touch
Sometimes, a guy will stay in touch with an ex because he feels like he should and/or his ex has asked him to stay in touch.
If they were in a long relationship, things didn’t end on a particularly bad note, or his ex has asked to keep in touch, then he might feel obliged to do so.
This is about as innocent as it gets, and shouldn’t give you cause for concern in any way – at least not from the guy’s side.
6. They Care About Them and Want to Know They’re Doing OK
If a guy has any care or concern for his ex, he’s going to want to know that she’s doing OK.
This isn’t about still having feelings for her, but more about being a decent human being and caring about someone that he used to share his life with.
If you can see that your guy is genuinely concerned about his ex and wants to make sure she’s doing well, then this isn’t a cause for concern.
In fact, it shows that he’s a caring person.
You just need to make sure his ex isn’t taking advantage of his kindness and taking up too much of his time.
7. They Can’t Let Go of The Control They Have Over Their Ex
Some guys are controlling in their relationships and struggle to let go of this control even after the relationship has ended.
If he was used to getting his own way and manipulating his ex when they were together, he may be keeping in touch as a way of holding onto that control.
On a side note, this is a huge red flag if you’re now in a relationship with this guy as controlling, coercive behavior is one of the most toxic relationship behaviors.
It may be the reason or one of the reasons why they split up which is something you shouldn’t ignore.
8. They Share Something They Need to Communicate About
Another common reason why exes stay in touch, in general, is because they share something in common that requires communication.
He may have become a part of her child’s life, or started a business with her, there could be any number of reasons.
If this is the case and they keep their conversations mostly around the things they need to talk about this is nothing to be concerned about.
9. It’s One-Way Communication from Their Ex-Girlfriend
If you’ve found out your guy is still in touch with his ex but it’s one-way communication, i.e., she contacts him and he responds, then this is something you shouldn’t be concerned about.
This could be a sign that she’s not over him and is still trying to get his attention, but if he’s not responding in the way she wants then it’s not a cause for concern.
In fact, you should be more worried about her and how she’s still fixated on your guy rather than the other way around.
10. They’ll Always Have a Special Connection
For many, there is always going to be a bond with someone who was their first in some way.
Some guys will keep in touch with an ex-girlfriend because they were their first girlfriend, first love, or something else.
This can cause issues for future relationships, but it’s also easy to understand why they want to keep in touch.
If it’s purely as friends now, there isn’t too much harm in this.
First loves rarely reconnect, they tend to move on and learn from the relationship and hold a fond place in their hearts – but that’s as far as it goes.
Should You Be Concerned if Your Boyfriend Is in Touch with His Ex?
You shouldn’t be concerned if your boyfriend is still in touch with his ex-girlfriend, it’s not unnormal and there is nothing wrong with it.
Trust is everything in a relationship, if you can’t trust your boyfriend then there are other issues you need to address.
There are some red flags to look out for, such as him being overly protective of his phone or being secretive about who he’s talking to, but in general, it’s not something you should worry about.
If you get on his case about him speaking to his ex, he’s likely to try and hide it or get annoyed.
As covered in this article, there are numerous reasons why a guy might stay in touch with his ex, both good and bad.
The best thing you can do is trust him and have an open conversation about it if you’re feeling insecure.
Chances are he’ll be happy to talk about it and put your mind at ease.
Image credits – Photo by Asterfolio on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.