Is your ex-husband mad about your new boyfriend?
If so, I’m sure it’s causing you some difficulty and awkward situations when you cross paths.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to go to great lengths to smooth everything over – so I have some tips for you.
Here are some of the ways you can help your ex-husband accept your new boyfriend:
- Ex Husband Mad About New Boyfriend? 10 Tips to Smooth Things Over
- 1. Talk to Him and Tell Him how His Behavior Is Affecting You
- 2. Show Him that Your New Boyfriend Is Good for You
- 3. Explain that Things Are Over Between the Two of You
- 4. Ask His Close Friends to Talk to Him
- 5. Ask Him What You Can Do to Help Him Calm Down
- 6. Avoid Bumping Into Him for A While
- 7. Set Some Boundaries with Your Ex-Husband
- 8. Tell Him You’ll Cut Ties with Him if He Can’t Get Over His Anger
- 9. Never Get Angry Back at Him
- 10. Don’t Let Your Ex-Husband and New Boyfriend Fight
- It Will Take Time for Your Ex-Husband to Get Over Seeing You with Your New Boyfriend
Ex Husband Mad About New Boyfriend? 10 Tips to Smooth Things Over
1. Talk to Him and Tell Him how His Behavior Is Affecting You
The first thing you need to do is talk to your ex-husband and get everything out in the open.
It’s important that you be clear and concise about how his behavior is affecting you, your new partner, and damaging the relationship you have with your ex.
If he’s mad about your new boyfriend, chances are he’s jealous for some reason and jealousy can be a powerful emotion.
Be sure to let him know how his actions are affecting you and that you won’t tolerate it.
2. Show Him that Your New Boyfriend Is Good for You
If your ex-husband is having trouble accepting your new boyfriend, it’s possible that he just wants the best for you.
So, try to show him that he’s good for you and that the way he can make you happy is by accepting him.
Point out the qualities in your new partner that make him a great match for you and how happy he makes you.
It’s important to make it clear that you’re not just with this new person because you want to get back at your ex, and that you’re starting a new chapter and he has to as well.
If he can see that your boyfriend is good for you but he’s really not ready to accept that you’ve moved on, you’ll need to take more drastic action.
3. Explain that Things Are Over Between the Two of You
When an ex is mad at a new partner, their feelings are almost always rooted in jealousy.
Jealousy is often born out of a sense of ownership – feeling like the person you’re with belongs to them in some way.
The best way to combat this is by explaining that things are over between the two of you and that your new partner is not a threat.
Make it abundantly clear that there’s no chance of getting back together and that you’re committed to your new relationship.
He’s either going to have to accept it and deal with his negative emotions, or you’re going to have to separate yourself from him.
4. Ask His Close Friends to Talk to Him
If you can’t get through to your ex-husband, you could try and talk to some of his close friends or family members.
I’m sure they don’t want to see him being angry and embarrassing himself any more than you do.
They might be able to talk some sense into him and get him to see that he’s just causing himself pain by holding onto this anger.
5. Ask Him What You Can Do to Help Him Calm Down
If you want to help your ex-husband calm down about your new boyfriend, you’re going to have to ask him what he needs from you.
It might be that he just needs some time or space to get used to the idea, and if that’s the case you should give it to him.
But if he’s being unreasonable and you’ve tried everything else, you might need to take more drastic action.
At the end of the day, his issue is with both you and your new boyfriend, so he might open up and talk to you about it.
6. Avoid Bumping Into Him for A While
The last thing you want is an explosive situation in person, so it might be a good idea to go out of your way to avoid bumping into your ex-husband for a while.
This will give him time to calm down and typically time does heal all things, and this includes anger.
It might be easier said than done if you have kids together or other ties, so you might just have to avoid your new boyfriend and ex-husband meeting face-to-face.
7. Set Some Boundaries with Your Ex-Husband
If your ex-husband just can’t or won’t accept that things are over between you, then you’re going to have to set some boundaries for him.
This might mean telling him to stay away from you and your new partner, blocking him on social media, agreeing not to both go to the same family events, etc.
Whatever you need to come up with to help with your current situation, you should do.
8. Tell Him You’ll Cut Ties with Him if He Can’t Get Over His Anger
If your ex-husband is causing you and your new partner distress, then you might need to tell him that you’ll cut ties with him if he can’t get over his anger.
This is usually a last resort, but if he’s not respecting your relationship and he’s continuing to try and cause problems, then you might not have any other choice.
It would be a shame to lose contact with him completely, but at the end of the day you have to do what’s best for you and your new relationship.
You can’t allow him to affect your new relationship just because you have a history with him
9. Never Get Angry Back at Him
I want to point out that if you want to resolve his anger as quickly as possible, you need to maintain your composure and never get angry back at him.
Even if he’s trying to draw you into an argument, you need to be the bigger person.
I know it’s easier said than done, but if you can do it you’ll come out of the situation looking better and he’ll eventually realize that his anger is pointless and he (should) feel bad about it.
10. Don’t Let Your Ex-Husband and New Boyfriend Fight
The dynamic between you and your ex-husband and your new boyfriend might be very different based on the fact that they’re both men and they’re fighting over you.
I shouldn’t have to say this, but it’s crucial that you do everything in your power to make sure that they don’t get into a fight with each other.
I’m talking about verbally and or physically.
There is absolutely no good that can come out of your ex-husband and your new boyfriend fighting, nothing.
It might not be easy when testosterone, emotions, and chivalry are running high, but it’s essential.
It Will Take Time for Your Ex-Husband to Get Over Seeing You with Your New Boyfriend
If your ex-husband is mad about your new boyfriend he clearly needs more time to come to terms with you moving on.
It will take time for him to get over seeing you with someone else, but eventually, he’ll realize that it’s not worth being angry about if he’s not getting the reactions he wants.
There is no way of knowing how long it’ll take as everyone deals with splitting up and moving on at their own pace, but time always helps.
In the meantime, try to be understanding and give him the space he needs.
Image credits – Photo by Afif Kusuma on Unsplash
Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. He started this blog to help others find and define their own self development journey. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future.